Hi Anne. I totally know where you are coming from - I was accused of being a "flashcard mom" more than once when my eldest was tiny.
What strikes me as ironic is that if I had to best characterize the homeschooling style our family uses, many would call it educational neglect.
Want to hear a funny? She started lying about her age at the ripe old age of 2. She got so sick of people overhearing her say something and ask her how old she was - only to say "no, you must be older than that. . . " that she just started answering that she was 5. When I asked her about it, she told me that she was just frustrated that people bother her with a question when they won't listen to the answer.
I have 3 kids. They are all different. Had I been pushing my kids, I can assure you that I would not have had one reading before her 2nd birthday, and one before her 6th. Oh, and the 3 year old just started sounding out words, but has no desire to pick up books and read like her sisters have.
The nice thing I found about homeschooling was that we have time for everything. P can spend time doing her "academic" type stuff, and we have plenty of time for messy play, hiking, the spending hours in the childrens areas of the museums we visit, etc.
You know what? I made a big mistake this year. We are healing from a particularly hard year that involved illness and death in our extended family, and necessitated my being away from my kids for a month this summer. I was trying to focus first on emotional needs, and I begged my eldest to "just be" this year - to please not put stress on herself about keeping up with the things she wants to learn, which is something she has always done. She can be intense. For a while, it looked like it was working nicely. About the only academic-looking things she was doing was reading poetry and writing her own poems about her feelings.
Then after 6 months, she exploded. We were in a local art museum, and I noticed that she was standing in front of pictures muttering to herself. I gently asked what she was doing, and she burst out into tears because there were "too many paintings/artists/styles" to memorize in one visit. She became more hysterical than I have ever seen a child before. She began screaming at me that I was holding her back, that I didn't understand, that she had the right to want to learn, it honestly became so bad that two security guards came over and seperated her from me, to ask if she was OK, or if she was being abused at home. (which of course freaked her out even more, but she was able to clearly state that she was safe, but frustrated beyond belief.)
I wound up grabbing the kids, calling DH to come home, dropping my younger two off at a friends, and DH and snuggled up with DD to let her tell us everything. Turns out that she gave up on "academics" when I asked because she thought *I* needed the break (and OK, I'd be lying if I said I didn't need a break from the intensity once in a while) but that she truly was feeling more stress watching the time that she could be "book learning" slipping away. She is aware, BTW, that "book learning" is not the only type of learning in the world, and she does fine in real life types of things. But she *craves* memorizing things, delving deeply into subjects not considered "age appropriate", and discussing intricate concepts with adults. Before this year, I had never stopped her before, and apparently I was wrong to even try.
I realize how this sounds on paper. Let me assure you that we have spoken to her doctor at great length over the years about the level of intensity that she can exhibit, and yes, she has also been formally evaluated. She has no formal diagnosis, but, I'm aware that we need to work with her on the intensity with which she approaches life. But we need to do that within the framework of who she is, not ask her to deny this part of herself that has been present since she was tiny, yk?
So, yeah, I can read a post about a child like Vidura and not assume that he is missing out on any "real" experiences, play, etc. And I can also empathize with Anne, and repeat what someone above said - I couldn't live without the hoagies site, lol. Just last night we had to use it to find information about Einstein's 1905 papers, Brownian motion and Fractles. At 11 PM. All stemming from an hour long lecture at the local Astronomical Society that DH took her too. And DD fell asleep with a smile on her face.
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Jennifer
Mom to 3 daughters
9, 7, and 4
I don't tend to check out gifted forums as I like to do my own thing without knowing other kids are doing xyz. I know that's bad, but I don't care what other people do. I also know that what others have done has no bearing on us. Having 2 teens has taught me that.
I have a mix of 'gifted' and 'very bright'. It is what it is and you just do what it is you do. I don't follow any type of particular curric. I just do what my kids need me to do--whatever that might be. We have also sent some kids to private school at various times.
Don't worry about what other people do or don't do. I don't like to try and explain anything we do, or don't do. You will find your way as long as you follow your child.
I don't tend to check out gifted forums as I like to do my own thing without knowing other kids are doing xyz. I know that's bad, but I don't care what other people do. I also know that what others have done have no bearing on us. Having 2 teens has taught me that.
I have a mix of 'gifted' and 'very bright'. It is what it is and you just do what it is you do. I don't follow any type of particular curric. I just do what my kids need me to do--whatever that might be. We have also sent some kids to private school at various times.
Don't worry about what other people do or don't do. I don't like to try and explain anything we do, or don't do. You will find your way as long as you follow your child.
There is no 'one way'.
This is waay OT, but how did you get to this place? I mean, I literally obsess about what others are doing, and if they're excelling, I feel so incompetent; like I'm letting my child down. I need to be where you are!!
Sorry for being OT-
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My boys
Amy, abuser of quotation marks and parentheses,
Mama to five sprites
This is waay OT, but how did you get to this place? I mean, I literally obsess about what others are doing, and if they're excelling, I feel so incompetent; like I'm letting my child down. I need to be where you are!!
Sorry for being OT-
LOL
Well, ok, first, it's not that I never worry about making sure they have 'enough'. I don't think a parent ever stops having concern.
What I don't do is care what other people are doing. I know how thoughtful dh and I have been regarding the individual emotional and educational needs of our kids. I know we've thought long and hard about what we do and offer.
As I said, I have teens, so through them I can see we are on the right track. They are engaged and engaging, eager and open.
My middle son has gone to private school and has been hs'd and is now back at private school. We don't make changes lightly, but follow his needs. All of my children have been able to have various private lessons of things they've needed/desired. We've been blessed to be able to provide that. My oldest is taking French classes outside of school because of his interests, and the fact that he is already taking as many in -school classes his school allows. He also has private music instruction in addition to his school music program. He has also had a Latin tutor in the past.
My hsers have more freedom, but it's a bit harder, as we don't have a nice private school group to lean on. (I have to say the school is really helpful with my questions about my hsers. I have been able to get some materials, and bounce ideas off good people). My youngest is easiest. I have to keep her in books, yarn, and friends. And as long as my oldest dd has access to her art and barn, it's all good. We've been able to find good tutors as needed as well. I don't like to rely too much on that (meaning I want the kids to have much free time to follow their own heads as much as possible), but they have been a blessing when needed, and we've needed them.
All the examples aside, we just follow our kids. Kids who live in a print and opportunity rich environment will thrive. My kids are ok, and that's how I get to the place where I don't care what others do. lol
I never think it's my job to help people 'get us'.
I'm sorry you feel hurt. From what you have said, your child is probably profoundly gifted, and some folks don't know that PG is far from the traditional definition of 'gifted'. They truly are completely different categories. If you do some research, you'll see validation of the fact that PG kids need just as much specialized attention and flexibility as most special needs children. Their asynchronous development can make most standard methods of education difficult at best. If you and he have found a good way for him to learn things, then you should be pleased to have found it this early in his life. I hope you can come to a place where you don't feel upset by other people making comments about early academics. Like pmj, I have also been accused of being a flashcard mom, or accused of lying about my child's abilities, and I was hurt. In most cases, I stopped saying much at all about his abilities as a result. Now, I'm in a different place and don't feel upset by these kinds of comments, and it's much easier for me to let them roll off my back.
Hugs. This is a journey that has as much to teach you as Vidura, and he is blessed to have a mama who is so open to his mind's needs.
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