amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

freedomlover · 06-29-2007, 08:12 PM

My always sensitive ds (17) has had the most awesome girlfriend (his first) for ten months.

They adore each other. They spent all their free time together and spoke for hours on the phone each week.

They are in love.

She moved with her family to Europe a couple days ago and my ds is miserable.

Sobbing, punching things, saying how awful he feels, how helpless he feels.

The girlfriend called from London for a few minutes when she got there but he hasn't heard from her since (her family is traveling to Spain for a summer vacation before heading back to England to settle in their new home). I suspect that getting to a phone is difficult for her and ds doesn't understand that the phone systems are not like ours everywhere!

Sigh.

I can not take the emotion. It is SO intense.

I knew it would happen and yet hoped it wouldn't.

Dang.

What can I do to help him feel better?

emmas~clogs · 06-29-2007, 09:28 PM

Awwww... I remember you telling me about them. I'm so sorry for him. I wish I had some advice for you.

LatteLover · 06-29-2007, 09:39 PM

I don't know. I think keeping really busy right now would be the best thing for him to do. I remember when dh went off to college (he graduated a year earlier than me) and I was heartbroken. Sigh.

mommytoluc · 06-30-2007, 12:50 AM

That is tough. Poor guy. I left my first love when my family moved away too.

So, they obviously knew about this beforehand. Did they officially "breakup" because she was moving so far away? Are there plans to get together? Why did they move so far away?

freedomlover · 06-30-2007, 01:58 AM

They didn't break up before she moved.
Their plan right now is to someday reunite.

They moved since her family is from Europe and they had to reunite with her dad who had moved back a year ago for family business.

They did know it was coming up all along but ds had no clue about the pain he would feel when it happened.

Dh drove him around to get his mind off things and I took him to the beach to walk and watch the windsurfers and that helped a lot.
Keeping him busy and on the move does seem to be the ticket.

He finally thought to check his emails and the girlfriend had written him several from internet cafes. She did write that phone calls were difficult where she is at right now but web cafes are all over the place.

lakshmi_mama · 06-30-2007, 03:35 AM

Ouch. That is a hard one. Let him have his pain and emotion and just be there for him when he needs someone to listen to him. Separating for a few weeks is hard, especially for teens, indefinate separation has to feel like the end of the world. I know from being on the other side (we moved here to England when my dd's were young teens.) we heard nothing but how we had ruined my middle dd's life for the year we planned the move and for the first while we were here. Of course now she loves it but it was real when she felt it. kwim? Your son will come to a point where the newness of the hurt is worn and it may not be a small thing ever to him, but he will be able to function again.

We just found out that dh got a job north of London (we are now South) and today we break it to my teens we are moving again. They are indeed going to be P1ssed off with us. I am not looking forward to making them go through it, but things happen and you have to go with it.

(and on a totally side note: if the GF is anywhere near us and is wanting to hook up with some other teens my oldest may be able to give her some highlights and show her around some places. She particularly loves Brighton which is South of London but apparently not too far for the younger set seeking fun. lol. Ahhhh... to have such energy! sigh.