amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

amyorama · 01-25-2006, 05:56 PM

I have four kids that I love so much! Lately my 13 y/o DD has been reading about overpopulation. Someone in our HS group announced a pregnancy and all she could reply was "Oh great, another consumer!" I know where she is coming from but gees!
DH and I are talking about having another baby. Her attitude sure puts a damper on things.

Amy

gabwife · 01-26-2006, 02:37 PM

I think you need to discuss where those books are right and where they actually lie.Another consumer is a good thing for the economy.It is how we consume that is the problem.
Comming from a large family (8 childeren)where recources were tight due to parental mismanagement all of my siblings have fallen for the great lie of,just one or two kids and there will be enough to go around.They all have one or two kids and both parents work, they live in $200,000 and up houses and have the "best of everything".They are far from happy.I live within my means and do the best I can to not live as my family did growing up.I still get the "your not going to have another?" question constaintly from them.I also get the "you are socialy iresponsible" line.It really is not their choice, nor is it your daughters choice.Whether she is happy about it or not is her choice.I wish you luck in finding what works for you.

lakshmi_mama · 01-27-2006, 05:01 AM

Sorry, I can't help but lol. Not because i am mocking your feelings, but because it is SUCH a teen thing to do. Teens are soooooo black or white, hot or cold. kwim? And as passionately as they feel about something one day, chances are that they will not give a rip the next and be onto the next big issue. They are trying on ideas, personalities, etc. and testing how it feels to express them.

The best way to ensure they stick their feet in the mud about something though is to fight or conflict with them on it. Now that doesn't mean you have to agree or like what they say or do, but don't make it a point of contention unless you are fully prepared to have a regular head-butt over the topic. Instead, ask them about their opinions, ask them (non-threatenly and with respect) how they have formulated their beliefs. In the discussion show genuine interest in what they have to say, and toss in your opinions and how you formed them. Not in a "I don't believe that because..." sort of way, but in a "I can see where you got that idea, this is my idea and how I got it..."

Now if she is really stuck with her feelings about population and takes that as a stand in your families discussion about whether or not you have another child, then it is going to be up to you and your dh to decide if her thoughts/feelings about it hold enough bearing to influence your decision. Allow her to have her feelings, even if that means she is upset.