This is kind of a strange question, obviously. But
1. I can't go to school right now- money, time, childcare
and
2. I don't have a bachelor's, and I've never written a research paper- ever- but I have built debate papers, which I've heard is much harder.
Anyway, I have a question, and I have some back up information, and I'd like to know if I'm right, partially right, on the right track, etc, etc, etc. And I'd like to learn how to research it, especially since I'm right next to some enormous research libraries. I've used them for questions before- what is going on in Wuthering Heights, what happens with a car wreck, **** francis, images of the divine during the axial age in the fertile crescent
Specifically-
The South is known for exquisite manners. Now when they were being settled, the death rate was enormously high. Historians have traced property settlements through both male and female parents. So, the fortunes weren't unstable- they were just hopping from parent, to step parent, on and on.
I just read The unexpected legacy of divorce. In it, she compares divorced to non- divorced, and also resilient, to non - resilient children. The biggest describer of resilient and blessed children was that people wanted to help. The children were not "sullen" "withdrawn." They were "charming" "social" "balanced." Well, you can look balanced, charming and social with really good manners, despite the misery you are enduring. At times it's easier.
So, what I was wondering is, were the exquisite manners of the south originally a means of survival? And, if this is so, this being the speculative part, would teaching children really, really good manners, be a means of ensuring their survival and success?
How would I find someone to, I guess, mentor this? I'd like to know I'm not inventing aliens from cracks in the moon. But I also think it would be worthwhile to know, not just for my own satisfaction.
ari
__________________
Boo- yeah!
... a part of devotion and love is the self- discipline to grow a talent into a skill...
That is interesting. It would seem that part of the "problem" between generations is the lack of manners and propriety. I know that I have a problem with the complete lack of tact that exists in society today. There is, really, a lack of diplomacy. What seems to rule is, "I have a right to say whatever I want," and no need to be respectful in the process. Someone with even a little bit of tact and diplomacy could have some real advantages, I would think.
I am not a professor. I have a Master's degree, and while your interests and research sound like they would fit in my field (American Studies), I am not current. I teach freshman composition. I could edit and make recommendations on your structure and support, but, honestly, Ari, your writing is far beyond what I could offer already. I would love to read whatever you wrote!
Sadly, I don't even have contacts with my old classmates who might have ideas for you. I've let most of that go to focus on kids, and haven't likely managed even the minimal to keep my career going after kids. I don't care to though. I have continued to teach on and off, so that must count for something, right?
__________________ Jody
Mama to two boys (5-10-98 and 6-01-01), and two girls (11-18-03 and 1-11-07)
I have really stupid questions- like, does it all have to be original sources? Can I cite Boorstin? I'm not sure I necessarily trust my ability to weigh information. Like, Gary Wills not only writes, but weighs information, and that is amazing. Or, say, my high school English teacher had trained as a Jesuit priest ( same as G Wills) We had to read Jonathan Edwards " Sinners in the Hand of an Angry God." Most writers get the willies talking about what a violent, bloodthirsty, malicious deity JEd is describing. Well, this guy pointed out that JEd was preaching to churches that every member already was considered "saved" "elected" and so on, so forth. So the listeners did not expect to be dangling over hellfire. They expected other people .to be dangling. So JEd was the Stephen King of the 1700s. He was popular and compensated just the same as Steven King- mad popular, well- paid, and looked down on by the elite. It makes is a much more interesting read, and I think, probably truer. He's the only one I've ever met who said this. And it's b/c he could weigh and judge.
I wouldn't necessarily want this published or mentored academically. My example is "Good Wives." the book. It has a chapter inquiring why farm women did not ride pillion to go visiting from about the second trimester, until about six months after delivery. I was " You....are.....so.....stupid....arrogant....cluele ss.....inexperienced.....why did you not ask a current pregnant woman why she's sitting on the couch....."
I want someone who has kids, to reality check me. Which, I believe, describes you. I would like it if I could work it out online, here, since HERE is where I am developing a voice and ease in parenting.
Do big shiny brocade shawls sound interesting as emolument? That's what I make that's distinct from what else is made here.
Anyway, off the top of my head, for books:
Robert Reich, "The Work of Nations" describes how symbolic analyst workers work- gossip and swarming. These are currently the highest paid jobs in the economy. To get to them, usually, involves multiple degrees from specialized institutions. The " best of the best" if you will. To get there, though, requires a great deal of social capital investment. Also, a stable family background. 30% of kids from divorced families receive help for higher education, 90% of kids from two parent homes. That's a 60% doughnut hole.
Okay, I think Boorstin has the bit about acquiring fortunes in the south. The fortunes went to parents, then step parents, and then kids. Mortality was crazy high during each generation, so kids could have four sets of parents before reaching majority. The parents at the end might both be step. Think of Martha Washington and George- they were his stepkids, not his own biologicals. I would think the child most polite would be most endeared to the will- writer, with manners as evidence of decent judgment.
I wouldn't necessarily link manners and good judgment, though.
Also, say, new england- they had grandparents, and really low mortality. I don't know that you would work as hard to be charming with people you've known forever. You might choose to be plain- spoken and clear. If someone is around for ninety years, and you're related, I would think there would be thicker ropes binding one.
Also, let's see, anecdotally, my MIL. She has sort of written her own manners code. She manages to violate everyone's sense of what is good manners. and people recoil. I do it. Others do it. And she hasn't a clue. I don't know that anyone has particularly gone out of their way to assist her in growing up. I know her stories from high school are sagas of "mindblindness" awkwardness and social rejection. She's a nice person, in fact, and deed. But first off, one recoils.
Now, say, me. Not particularly brilliant manners- yes, please, thankyou, thank you notes, don't talk about certain subjects, always speak well, never mention disabilities and diseases.....Now, for high school, I did have major interventions on my behalf. I wasn't trying to be good or virtuous. I wasn't particularly beautiful- my roommate and best friend are models, so I certainly have a comparison...but people went out of their way to get me out of bad situations. I think the habits of reserve and decency made it possible for me to survive.
I know when I read the book review on resilient children, the example was a boy who remembered to keep his host in spaghetti sauce. Plus, explicit thank yous, and other courtesies.
I know, again, anecdotally, my son had please and thank you down early. He had open invitations to his friends houses for dinner. That's pretty basic
Ari,
I would love to read what you write and offer comment. I don't know that emolument is required, unless of course, you eventually publish .
If you were writing a thesis, your proposal would list possible books used as resources, your own theories and how you propose to prove or disprove them, much as you have done here already. Generally, this would include both primary and secondary sources.
If you want, pm me and I can send you my email addy.
Jody
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