amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

BlueRoseMama · 09-06-2006, 02:40 PM

I don't like public school. My kids love it, and I have let it happen because I don't have the space or the money to keep them all home. But I am just not a public school parent. Watching a very sweet, and obviously patient teacher rush my daughter through questions she knows at home, and having her miss answers she already has learned made me angry. I don't care if she reads before age 6... I don't care if she doesn't read until age 8. That is not what reading is about... and I remember my oldest getting pushed and even being labeled because he knew the letters but couldn't put them together until he was 8. Even then I stood proud and told both his 1st and 2nd grade teachers to stuff it becuase my son would read when he was ready. He was put in "title" classrooms and made to feel stupid... and by 4th grade was reading at an 8th grade level. Was that because of the teachers and the title programs? Hell no! That was because in this house we all love to read. And he was just waiting until he could do it well to start. Now I am seeing the same thing happen with Cyan and it angers me. It really really does. I wanted to tell her teacher that she would come back next year. I wanted to yell and say "will you give her a second? She feels rushed!" I wanted to pull her out of there. My children know where peaches, and pork come from... they have already learned how to make eggs for themselves, and what the birth of a cow/seed/human looks like. They both can make a pair of pants with help. My kids know things that most of these kids won't know until they are in their 20s (if EVER) and some parents shy from even telling their children what their hamburger is made of becuase god forbid they realise they are eating Bessy from next door. But reading is what is important to these just turned 5 yr olds. READING. Blech. The entire system makes me sick.

And they wonder why I don't volenteer more. As if they don't have enough going against them with 18 just turned 5 yr olds in their classroom without a parent sitting around steaming and pointing out all of the flaws of the system.

God, sometimes I just want to move out into the country and teach my children what is really important.

*sigh*

Christi · 09-06-2006, 03:35 PM

nak

Another reason we plan to HS.

MotherMoon · 09-06-2006, 03:57 PM

((Hugs Val)). I am a homeschooling parent at heart myself. I hate school. I hate it when Beth knows something and gets rushed through or panics at teh word test. But, I volunteer constantly to keep me in their face reminding them they can do better. But, we are also at a private school where the largest class up to 6th grade is 13 kids and the teachers will meet with you any time and listen to you.

tydytykesmama · 09-06-2006, 05:15 PM

This is the reason we pulled my oldest out of 1st grade after 2 weeks. He can read, just not as well as they would like. He can add, subtract, multiply. He loves science. The teacher didn't care about that. They only teach reading, reading and more reading. If he couldn't read the directions to his work sheet, she wouldn't read them. He'd get frustrated and not do the work. If she had told him what to do he could have finished it. He also takes his time sometimes to figure things out. He can't do that at PS. They have a time limit. Complete furstation on all of our parts. We sent him because he wanted to go. Let's just say he hasn't asked to go back. I'm sorry you are having to deal with it. Hopefully, it'll get better soon.

~Meeshi~ · 09-06-2006, 05:37 PM

nak
(((hugs))) Val! That would have infuriated me!!!

Kbsmama · 09-06-2006, 05:49 PM

I am so with you. Yesterday, I picked up DS #2 from his first day of kindergarten. He is labeled as a bus rider, and I didn't send a note saying that I was going to pick him up (my bad). I waved at him from the hallway so he would see me there, and then a few minutes later, his teacher came hauling him out of the room by the hand, with him crying, oblivious to the fact that she knocked his head on the door handle as she brought him out. She, obviously frazzled, said, "Liam's had a rough day. I need you to let me know when you're going to pick him up because we had some confusion." Liam was bawling, and I got him to go upstairs to his brother's room so we wouldn't miss him before he was dismissed for the bus. He cried and cried while we waited, and, as it turned out, I think what he was really upset about, was that he had a scrape on his arm caused by some boys from his class pushing him on the playground. I asked him if he told the teacher, and he said his teacher wasn't there (the teachers are never at recess), and I asked him if he told the grownup on duty, and he told me there were no adults on the playground. Obviously, there were adults on the playground, but apparently none in sight. He was so upset, that pretty soon I was crying, and so when Killian's teacher stepped out to say hello, I was practically unable to speak and wiping tears from my eyes. Later, after he settled down, he told me that he did some fun things at school.

Killian told us he had a great first day of school. When he was in kindergarten, he never really adjusted. He cried almost every day when I took him to school (partly the cause of my crying with Liam). I hate that I let that happen. He struggles with handwriting. He is so incredibly bright, but I don't think people get it because they're looking at his handwriting/written work. They have timed math tests (basically to prepare for standardized testing) that he does badly on every time because he takes a long time to write the numbers. He has been placed in title classrooms with kids who really are struggling with basic concepts, and I wonder how he can possibly be challenged where he needs to be with 20 other kids in the room???

I planned to keep him home last year, and, stupidly, when he said he wanted to go to school on the 2nd day of halfway doing anything, we put him back in. I am not convinced that that was the end of our homeschooling days, but we will see. As it turned out, he had a great teacher last year that he really liked. Hopefully, the same will hold true this year, too.

Back to Liam, I emailed the teacher, because she had said he had a rough day, and I wanted to know what she meant by that, especially considering that she knew nothing of the playground incident (which had occurred at final recess, not long before I picked him up). She said he was having problems with standing in line and was wandering the room and so forth. She assured me that this is very normal, and not anything to worry about, but she assumed he had a hard day because of all the new rules and faces. She told me she would make sure to point the recess aide out to Liam and have her keep an eye out or say hi to him so he would be aware of her presence. That's all good, but it still breaks my heart. I hate it. I hate that my 5 year and 3 month old little boy needs to learn to stand in line and stay on task. I hate that there aren't enough eyes on the playground to notice kids pushing eachother.

DH thinks there is nothing wrong with public school. He totally believes that kids have to learn this stuff so they can survive in the "real world," and that whole load of crap. I hate it. The only thing he really has a problem with is the teaching to testing that goes on...

Natalia · 09-06-2006, 11:41 PM

How awful to see and experience. I homeschool my 8 yo daughter, but my boys (3 and 6) are in school. So far, they've had fabulous teachers and really good experiences. Something my daughter enountered only 1 of the 5 years she was in school (mostly preschools). So I am always a bit nervous.

My 6 yo was in the same autism classroom for 3 years with 8 kids, 3 teachers and was loved and encouraged constantly. This year, he is in a new school, so we'll see.

Val -- I hope that some peace comes into that classroom as the school year moves along and that Cyan has a positive experience.

SierraLily · 09-06-2006, 11:51 PM

nak...

we are struggling with the idea of public vs homeschool right now too.

Ariadne Umbrell · 09-07-2006, 01:06 AM

Oh, horrible and frustrating! I am so sorry!

Doesn't John Bowlby say that it only takes 100 hours to learn to read, once the kid is ready? Aren't there things saying "Don't push reading until 7 or 8?"

My kids are public school. But, we picked a house in a neighborhood with a good school. We are paying over a quarter more than our neighbors three blocks away, who track to a different school.

If you dislike teaching to the test, please, break out your politics. You can call the teacher, the principal, the school board, and they are helpless in the face of the legislature. No Child Left Behind, the grand master of high stakes testing, is currently, right now, being challenged in 3(4?) states, as an unfunded mandate, and various other objections. The least objection is that it doesn't work, and that it distorts the learning process. It did in Texas, it did elsewhere. It's an election year. Bush has 30% credibility ratings. He's vulnerable. His policies are vulnerable. Politicians left (hightower), right ( schlafly's eagle forum) and in the middle ( us, here) hate NCLB. If you really hate it, call your washington reps. Call your state reps. They'll get a spine if they know people care. It's a breakable law, an almost unenforceable law ( the gov't is bankrupt, and really ready to NOT FUND programs) They don't even have to vote down the law. They just have to stop it's funding. Seriously. That's it.

Before you call, organize your objections. An outline format helps: big I, example A, example B, point II, example A, example B. When you do the examples, do one from your life, and then one that a single, newly graduated aide can relate to, even tangentially. ( One I had was " You don't want to answer the phone when you are sick, do you?')( It wasn't about school) But anything where they can agree with you, and then, they can learn from your anecdote. If it's organized, they can take notes, and then use it in debate with the other staffers. The other staffers are usually the ones writing the policies. If you make it easy for them to be informed, smart, and organized, they can carry the debate. Then, the rep gets the "best of" of their debates, and carries it onto the house floor.

good luck,
ari

lovebugsmama · 09-07-2006, 02:19 PM

Having been a public school teacher before I had dd, I can say that students and teachers are really one of the last concern of the admin/politicians. It's all about the tests, the scores and the numbers.

I was teaching 10th grade Bio to a class of 35 students. All with IEPs and learning issues. I had one boy that didn't read above a 4th grade level. Most of them weren't much better. And yet, I was told that I *had* to teach them the SAME material as all other other Bio kids. I had to give them the same worksheets, same labs, same tests. And I had NO aids in my classroom. I was totally alone. I was expected to teach them the same way AND have them score the same on their tests as my other classes. THEY COULDN'T EVEN READ THE QUESTIONS! And I wasn't allowed to read them aloud unless it was on their IEP. Geez.

Being a public school teacher taught me one very important lesson. That I will NEVER send my child to one. Sad, but true. Out here, many teachers homeschool their kids. Now *that* says something.

I'm sorry Val. I wish there was a way to help or magic words to make it better.

BlueRoseMama · 09-07-2006, 02:36 PM

What my dream is, is to get out of the city, have a small farm with chickens and a huge garden, and pull them out. Perhaps do a home school curric, but mostly just get them out of there. I keep thinking though, that by the time we are stable and monitarily able to do this, the only one that won't WANT to go to public school will be the baby. Beucase the other two will be used to the social interaction, and for me as a child, that was what school was all about.

I love my kids, and in the summer time we always hit a stride of being together where I get my time, they get their time, and we get time together. It hits a certian groove... so I know I can do it, but I can't do it, living in the city, while dh is in academy, pregnant. You know? So the reality is, they go to public school this year. But man... I hate it.

I was a public school teacher too. In a very low income area and only for preschool (headstart) and Kindergarten... the stress was SO high. I don't blame the teacher at all... I wasn't beind snide when I said she seemed patient and kind. She DID seem patient and kind, but she needed to test three kids for their 'reading' levels in a half hour. That doesn't lend for support of the students skills. And I remember pushing kids through tests like that. I remember all of the horror of doing that, and testing a big group of kids (esp Headstart... OMG they do SO many test on those kids before they are 'in'). It just breaks my heart that another beautiful and brillant kid is going to be stuck in mediocure hell becuase the teachers don't have the time to allow her to think first.

It is just so sad.

Kbsmama · 09-07-2006, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueRoseMama

It just breaks my heart that another beautiful and brillant kid is going to be stuck in mediocure hell becuase the teachers don't have the time to allow her to think first.

It is just so sad.

This is exactly it. I so struggle with this. My DH and I don't see eye to eye on this, though he is a brilliant man, and went through it himself. He remembers being in school and being bored out of his skull when teachers would spend 3 days on concepts he got on the first example. Then he would stop paying attention and miss something because they'd finally moved on to something else...I've asked him, what if instead of having to spend all that time waiting for the new stuff and then missing it, you could have been given it right away?! Imagine what he could have done in the same amount of time! I think of him and friends of his from high school (I didn't know him in high school). He has friends, too, who were brilliant, but were basically made to feel their whole lives like they didn't fit. So, they grow up with chips on their shoulders and have found bigger and better ways to act out as they get older. What if they had been encouraged, nurtured? What if instead of teachers getting p***ed off because they were smarter than them, they were encouraged to run with their ideas??? Where would they be now?

This was the argument, in part, that finally convinced DH to let me try homeschooling last year, but he is afraid, and much prefers them to be in school. His mom homeschooled several of his siblings in a very unschooled sort of way, and some of them, now, as adults, are not happy about it. I've had to explain that I am not his mother

, and that whole bit. However, at this point, there are a lot of issues that appear overwhelming, and with a new baby coming in January, it seems way too much to even think about. For the moment, DS#1 is really happy with his class, and his teacher seems really good. I think DS#2 will adjust better than his brother to kindergarten as well. But, I just feel in my heart that they should be home, and I think that it just may happen eventually.

BlueRoseMama · 09-07-2006, 06:02 PM

I totally know what you mean. I mean Don and I both got through school and then did amazingly in college because we could move more at our own pace, and not be held back by teachers having to teach to other classes... if we didn't like the way a class was taught, we had the inititive to go and talk to the teacher about it and get something done. We were paying for our education at that point after all... you know? But in highschool, both of us were "mediocure" students. (B average at best) Stundents who graduate college with highest honors and/or graduate with a BA and a 4 yr old 2 quarters early are not "mediocure" students.... you know?

I know my children are dealing with the same stuff. And with Alex, the social aspect has really made a difference. He NEEDS more human interaction than me at home every day. Needs it, craves it, wants it. Cyan is a do it herself'er and it kills me that although she loves school, they don't cater to that need at all. It is a do-it-with-the-group-the-way-the-group-is-doing-it world. And on top of that, as fast as you can (or can't in many cases). Ugh. Anyway... I have not said any of this stuff in front of her, because if she knows how unhappy I am about it, it will taint her experience. And because there is very little option, I can't afford to do that. So I seeth in private, hoping against hope that before she looses that love of learning that I adore about her she will get an amazing teacher... and perhaps that will be me.

Val

tash · 09-07-2006, 06:13 PM

on the reading in ps thing....

I was in first grade and I could just barely read. they made me skip recess to stay and stuggle. they made me sit in the hall to do it. alone. it sucked. eventuallly though everything clicked and I could read it all. after it clicked I could read much much bette then my peers, and I got better scores on my reading comprihension tests then just about anyone. (I still cant spell though

)

BlueRoseMama · 09-07-2006, 06:35 PM

Tash I am still that way. I think it is a mild form of dyslexia (can't spell that to save my life). Alex has it too, but Cyan does not. It is passed down in my family from mother to daughter and then to my son... and I feel for any child like us who doesn't have a parent with the same trouble. I was really able to advocate for my children in public school becasue I knew what they were going through. I EXPECT the teachers to not degrade my children like that, and I am a *****y parent if they do. I do advocate for them, and I know how and when it is necessary.