A friend of mine sent this to me today too. Yikes, why does someone think they're an expert in EVERYTHING just because they're an expert in SOME things? What a joke. As if being married and parenting can't go together? I've never read such rubbish in my life.
Kerri
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Mama to Cole (9), Naomi (8), Adam (7), and Noah (4)
All adopted - All breastfed
Wife to David for 12 years!
Breastfeeding Counsellor and Doula
Accepted into midwifery school for February 2009!
We are moving to New Zealand on January 29th
Yikes, there is TONS to do before then. Gulp.
I don't understand what this viewpoint has to do with Judaism *at all*. Isn't it a Jewish law that mothers breastfeed for at least 2 years?
He's just a misogynist. Plain and simple. If all it takes for a marriage to fall apart is breastfeeding, it wasn't a good marriage to begin with.
I completely agree.
My boobs are not off limits/and niether am I~ just because I am nursing. Dh finds the whole mother image sexy...and wonderful that I am taking the best care of *our* children that I know how. Dh and I also loved the challenge of getting babe to sleep and stealing time to go off and have sex in different parts of the house...it made it kind fun. Didn't cramp his style or our style at all. They are HIS kids too...if marriage was all about sex...then why have kids at all?
What an ass. Ugh! He is an extremist...too bad he is a spiritual leader.
Not sure on the Jewish law thing...
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"If you only believe what you see, then you are limited to what's on the surface. If you only believe what you see, then why do you pay your electric bill?" Dr. Wayne Dyer
Just wanted to add a couple things... I don't know of any "Jewish law" that mandates nursing. I didn't agree with the bottle idea he was pushing. It was the point he was making that it is important to take care of DH needs even when it may not be your favorite idea for the evening. Organicmam said it very well.For the record he is not accepted as some all-knowing leader for large segments of the Orthodox community. He has some good ideas and landed himself a sitcom.
A Rabbi I consulted once told me that if I needed medical advice that I should see a doctor. I think Boteach was making a good point but I don't agree with the whole solution.
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Rochel Leah
Mama to Eliyahu (12/24/01)
Ephraim-(4/14/03)
and Tzvi Dov (2/20/06)
Just wanted to add a couple things... I don't know of any "Jewish law" that mandates nursing. I didn't agree with the bottle idea he was pushing. It was the point he was making that it is important to take care of DH needs even when it may not be your favorite idea for the evening. Organicmam said it very well.For the record he is not accepted as some all-knowing leader for large segments of the Orthodox community. He has some good ideas and landed himself a sitcom.
A Rabbi I consulted once told me that if I needed medical advice that I should see a doctor. I think Boteach was making a good point but I don't agree with the whole solution.
ITA agree that your marriage and your husband need to be nurtrued...I have no argument with that. But, Family life is dynamic, sometimes the marrigae comes first, sometimes the kids, etc. To say that Breastfeeding is the cause of a bad marriage and that the bottle is the solution is just disgusting and really sad.
I am disgusted with this man's theory that nurturing the child created between husband and wife is somehow neglecting the husband's needs...
GAG!
Breasts were not made for a MAN's playthings. If that were the case, they would not contain mammary glands to feed our offspring.
And he failed to mention the percentage of women, still married, who have had a breast or 2 removed....are they too, at fault for that?
I would like to whip out my now dried up, less than perfect and/or attractive teats and slap this guy across the face, only after making him watch a woman giving birth, from the doc's view.
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Becky,
SUPER DUPER single mama to my 2 lovely ladies!
patchouli wearin, dirt lovin, tree huggin, tiedye makin, tofu eatin, belly dancin, festival goin, vegetable growin, tea drinkin, hippy stinkin!
what he has to say is complete and utter nonsense. He is messed up in the head and has no idea how it really is in good marriages. AND what he has to say is unbiblical in my opinion.He's twisted.
Is he really a rabbi? Or is he the writer that interviewed different rabbis about modern concerns, and then wrote a book synthesizing what he thought they said? If he's the last guy, there has been research with rabbis going "Not quite. Interesting, but not quite."
No flames. I'm glad all of ya'll's love life is going well. I feel like we're in high school- the awkward, just getting to know you part, with braces, and pimples, and groping. It's awkward, and strange, and I haven't any idea how to get to happy, except maybe go through this.
The writer mentions wanting a happy home when he grew up. Did he not have it? There's a chance he's taking this huge leap of imagination, to guess what a happy marriage looks like, and what the "rules" would be, besides "be present." I know that a happy marriage looks different from a child's perspective, than from a grownups perspective. Well, everything does. I think things look simpler, and easier, from the child's perspective.
Linking boobs and bottles and sexuality: it's a very this century construction. Moms weren't considered hot until, well, now. They weren't expected to get dental care, or wear makeup. Prenatal boobs went in and out. Maternal boobs weren't interesting until the 1950's, when bottles came in. The fifties had this looming, full breasted look, with shirts buttoned right up to the top, but "bullet bras."Before that, they were sort of workaday babyfood factories. And heinies, backs, shoulders, faces, ankles- those were hot. In Mali, where you wear a skirt, only, breasts aren't hot, but ankles are. North Americans get in trouble for wearing shorts- flashing ankles, and shirts- who cares?
For the mom thing- look at the daguerrotypes of your grandparents, and so on. They look pretty toothless, and grim? Tolstoy, chapter one of Anna Karenina- the guy talking about his wife?
The more womanly I become, the more that secure man of mine thinks I'm the hottest mama around. He watched our first baby being cut out of me while taking 30 photos; he watched the second come out the traditional hole and can't seem to come up for air when he's down there exploring (TMI?!). As for the breastfeeding, I did it for 3 1/2 years for each kid and it just made those more of real breasts to him, and therefore more attractive, since they were being used for their ultimate purpose (most cultures, that rabbi may want to know, do not use breasts in sexual expression, as they are seen as life-giving organs, and are not sexualized). Because we are Christians, we have read the Biblical passages together in the Old Testament which talk about breastfeeding and give examples of children being breastfed up to the age of seven years before going off to temple. As for co-sleeping, we did that too. And, if too many kids were in the bed to whoop it up, we found another (usually more exciting room or location) to take care of business. Because my hubby was so involved with the parenting and so supportive of our approach, it wouldn't occur to him to put his sexual needs above the brief period of seven years (out of our 20!) that we had the privilege of snuggling them in our bed each night. So, I guess I think a man's view of these things comes from his security in himself and in his valuing of the woman and her role in birthing and nurturing children with her breasts. Just some thoughts. Shrinkmama
Tawnya, your memory lives on in your children.
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