amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

lilac · 06-11-2004, 03:01 PM

*UPDATE*

My cycle started in the middle of the night full force. Usually it is pretty mellow to start and not until I'm totally flowing will I ever feel cramps, if I feel any at all.

This cycle is MUCH different from anything I have experienced. My lower back is killing me and the cramping hurt so bad last night I couldn't sleep. I took 1 ibuprofen and finally fell back asleep. I take like 5 ibuprofen a year so this was a big deal, yk?

I cut out coffee caffiene and switched to green tea and oolong (a blend of black and green teas). I really thought this would help my mood, my body and I thought for the better so that is strange that this cycle would be worse? I stopped drinking coffee like 2 weeks ago.

I do not think I have depression or manic depression as now my thoughts are clear and have been for days. I think I'm suffering from some major PMS. I think it is so bad due to Seanra weaning not too long ago and my hormones being all over the place? What do you think?

It really all makes sense now to me. I need to start doing some major changes to try to control this. I need to get serious about doing yoga and taking a multi and some extra b complex.

It almost cost me a whole lot. UGH, I HATE IT!!! Just had to get that out!

I eat pretty well, and haven't changed much so I don't really know why this cycle is so much worse.

Thanks again to you all for your support

_________________________________________________
I think I'm suffering from manic depression/bipolar. Do you know of some vitamins...maybe herbs, but to be honest I'm skeptical of herbs.

I really need some help. No one is in danger or anything- I'm just terribly lonely and can't stop crying.

I have times where I'm just so sad, focus on negative things and can't get past them, if I cry (which is strange for me as I have cried more in the last 3 months than the last 3 years!) I do feel better, if I work out, stay on a routine, drink caffiene I do feel better. I need help to stay on target so I can live this life!!!

I suffered from depression as a child, but I have not felt this way in 8+ years. The feeling is familar and I know I need to nip it in the bud.

I don't feel comfortable at this point to see a psych and get drugs. I have resolved my depression in the past on my own and would like to try to do that again first.

It is hurting my partnership and I'm terribly picky, have high expectations of him and I can't relax about it. I've tried and then it comes back.

I think what has triggered it is moving away from friends and a really great community and not finding that in our new home. I have lived here 3.5 months and haven't made a friend. I have tried mothering.com, here, an ap yahoo group and I even tried a mainstream playgroup that was a nightmare. Most folks here have their 3 year olds in school. Along with all of this Seanra weaned and is really not a baby anymore

&

My dso used to work at home in the recliner in the living room and now works 45 min away 11 hour days. I'm having such a hard time adjusting and figuring out my new rold. I'm also terribly lonely. I make friends usually really easy and really cherish girlfriends, they are like family to me. I need familar faces.

My thoughts are confusing and I can't get them straight. I just feel lonely confused and like I don't know what to do- how to adjust.

I know it is normal to have some of these feelings and at times I feel it is normal and other times, with the confusion I just feel flooded.

I'm not one to really reach out on a board like this, but I'm hoping this is a step in the right direction.

I called a counselor today and she wants to see me and dso, but dd can't come, but we don't know anyone here and I just don't feel comfortable leaving her with anyone.

I need a strict schedule to stick by in order to have some things to look forward to and to know what my days will be like. I think I'm starting to babble and get confused so...let me know what you think, please.

I truly appreciate your response.

Ariadne Umbrell · 06-11-2004, 03:39 PM

Okay, can you check out " The New Our Bodies, Ourselves," from the library? Not just for the clinical stuff, but because hearing that moving across the country, losing your support network, losing friends, and really, half losing your love interest- kicks the s&*t out of you, and your head. And eveyone else's head, too.

I don't know what to tell you. I know that every mom I know who's DH works more than 9 hours a day gets depressed. I know every mom with a toddler at home with no break is a little half- baked.

BTW, the above lists also include me. I just started a job, so I could force some alone time in. You have to admit, thinking a job is a break is a little crazy. Esp a stressful job. It's stressful, I hear how stressful it is, and I am so freaking happy to be there each day.

So, on to you. Counsellor: insist on having your kid with you. Explain that while s/he may have the luxury of not dealing with kids,you don't. Bring crayons, and paper, and a treat. If the counsellor can't deal with your kid enough to get anything done----WELLL- What is your life?

There are three ways to have a good life: a pleasant life, a good life of thoughtful engagement, or a meaningful life. When you have a small kid at home, you lose the option of the first two, more or less. Add social isolation and contempt, on the third- why wouldn't you be depressed???????????????/

It's called acedia: spiritual despair. It comes from being isolated. If you were a man, in a prison with one other person in your cell, and no control over the TV- you would be the subject of the Shawshank Redemption. As it is---you are mother, and somehow, some way, that's not the same thing. Except it is.

Find some help. Some of this is structural, some of it isn't. It's structural when someone leaves you with a small child for all the waking daylight hours. It's structural when you have no friends. It's structural when there isn't a coffee house with art, and magazines, and a place for kids to play. It's structural when every single grown up function you do is hostile and exclusive of children.

ari

Halo · 06-11-2004, 03:41 PM

you have support, here. I was wondering how you were doing in your new home. Undoubtedly you're right - all the stress of moving, acclimating, adjusting has not been too good for your psyche. I have no answers in the herbal/homeopathic dept. but would you be able to see a Naturopath there? They can do so much for both the body and soul. What about hooking up with other Amity women in the area - are there any around? At least you'd have some common ground to start with. Or what about looking at the local HFS (if you've got one of those, too) on their memo board(s) for any kind of activities - play, yoga, etc.?

I've had those times in my life, also, and agree that it helps to immerse yourself in family/friends/activities so that you don't dwell on the negative stuff. Do whatever you can to feel better - post like a maniac, here, if it helps. Please feel comfortable with us in putting it out there - many of us are sending you positive thoughts. xxxJ

Janice · 06-11-2004, 05:36 PM

Oh ((Julie)),

Good for you for recognizing these feelings so early on.

I'm very pro counselling for the symptoms you describe. Please consider trying to make that work (i.e., work on finding somewhere for dd to go that would make you comfortable for an hour). I would personally say that you should even start going alone and have your dso watch dd...would that work? It's amazing what changes can be made in a relationship when even one of the couple goes to counselling.

Sara · 06-11-2004, 06:35 PM

are you sure it's manic depression not severe depression? Could you go without dso? I've been hospitalized my depression gets so bad so please pm me if you need support.

Shifra · 06-11-2004, 07:19 PM

{{{{Julie}}}}

Omega 3 & 6 have been proven to be nearly as effective as any anti-psychotic/mood stablizer. Check out the studies by Demitri Papalos. sp?? His research is well known and documented on the effects of Omega on treating bi-polar in children... Please take care of yourself. This is an can be devestating to your health long term..... Find the supprot you need to work through this time. Try your local LLL to get some outside contacts and find some outlets to start.
Keep us updated.
Karen

dreamseeds · 06-11-2004, 07:44 PM

What do you mean you are skeptical of herbs, Julie, says the herbalist

Mama, I have been there too at different times fo my life. MAybe you just have not found the right people to conenct with.
I did see soem Colo mama's that frequent these boards that may be fairly like minded.
I wish I could remember now, but if you search for the word Broomfield you may pull up the user name of one and the other is in the same post.
But one of the things I have learned lately is to have a friend you gotta be a friend.
If you are in the house all day, that makes it hard to get to know people.
If you are getting out and about, ignore what I jsut said.
St Johns Wort has successfully helped many people, but make it yourself or buy tincture if you dare to try it. Powdered herbs are never the best route I have been taught. AND give it time. Herbs work best with time-not a quick fix.

Sorry Julie-just gotta throw soem herbalism in there-I honestly am not offended if you never use an herbal idea I come up with.

Do you like where you are at other than lonely, etc...

What are your fave things to do?

Tell us more about the positive things in your life and those are the things we will remind you of.
You are a great lady Julie. You will get through this mama. HANG IN THERE-love yourself and your dso and Seanra even when it doesn't feel easy. Do the best you can. We love you.

Signed the herbalist who snuck her dd black onyx butterfly necklace created by a wonderful craftswoman named Julie and is wearing it today:P

skyblue · 06-11-2004, 09:28 PM

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...=2VD4SY7B5FZNT

My neighbor is reading this right now and is supposed to get back to me on if it helps her or not. It may be worth looking into.

harvestgirl · 06-12-2004, 07:53 AM

((julie))

sweet mama!!!! you have all the support you can ask for from me

i can understand the feelings of not wanting to take meds but believe me - that over whelming feeling that you get...well, sometimes we all need a lil help to get out of a rough spot..yk?

i went thru something similar when we moved back here 5 years ago... it has taken me this long & i now have 2 irl girlfriends & several aquaintances.

i have a dear & old friend in Longmont... she isn't too far from you, PLS ~

PM or e-mail me & i will give you her info.she has 2 boys, a S.O. & a house..lol, a dog too i think. i don't think she is totally in to AP but i know she did CD & BF her sons & her last birth was a HB.

i am always here for you!!! k? love & light your way mama..... talk soon!!~

Chenning · 06-12-2004, 10:44 AM

Hi Julie!

We miss you!

I am not equipped or informed to give you any sort of medical or herbal advice, but I wanted to let you know that I read your post and that you have my support, hugs, and prayers.

Love,
Chenning

BlueRoseMama · 06-12-2004, 04:27 PM

I second the St John's Wart and I use it for depression and quick temper... I use the spray from Source Naturals.

{{{{{{{{{juile}}}}}} Lots of love and support mama. Take care!!!

Love Val

lilac · 06-12-2004, 06:59 PM

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart

I'm feeling quite a bit better today and I felt alot better yesterday afternoon. I have such swings, yk?

We have inquired about a counselor and I think I have found one that will fit. I might be able to meet with him before our trip to Chicago, but I'm not sure. Tony is totally willing to go and that is really great

After spending time on the phone with my irl girlfriends/sisters I have felt better that I think it is just a rought time and that I'm not going to be diagnosed with anything or prescribed meds. They know me well and I have to trust them now because I get so flooded.

HUGE hugs to you all. I think I'm going to get past this- PHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been so scared for weeks now.

I went on a frenzy trying to contact anybody I could that might be like me- api groups, LLL, etc. I came across a api (attachment parenting international) group in Denver and there isn't one for Boulder. Which is good news and bad news, bad news because the connections aren't here YET, good news- I need a goal- something to look forward to so...I'm going to head/lead/put together an api group for Boulder!!! I think I'll get help from the Denver and Fort Collins group! Maybe I could even sell some ap items and make a little $ which would help out TONS!!!

So things are looking up. Posting this helped to vent and get it all out and I truly appreciate your hugs, thoughts, prayers and well wishes. It is so nice to see familar friendly mamas in this thread and new friends too

I will keep you all posted.

Thank you.

Scarlet · 06-12-2004, 09:59 PM

Hi Julie!!!

Well, they say it takes 2 years to fully settle in a new place. I know it took at least 6 months to even start to feel comfortable. Give yourself time mama to make good friends! It is usual to feel lonely and out of place in a new space. Don't rush too much to make friends, the friendships that happen naturally when you socialise are the ones that last.

One of the reasons we put Jay in preschool was because neither him or me were making good friends with mamas and children. He was speaking to my mother on the phone in England and she asked him if he had made any friends, he said "just grown up friends grammaw". My heart just broke for him. I had tried so hard to meet people with kids... library, parks, mom and me classes and it wasn't working.

Linda · 06-13-2004, 03:56 AM

Julie-I am sorry it is so difficult. I know how you feel...

You've gotten lots of good advice from Mamas. And it sounds like you are reaching out. Please see a counselor. And-a dear friend of my just started on pharmaceutical grade fish oil for the Omega 6 and Omega 3's...and is feeling so much better. It won't hurt you-and is good for your heart etc. Try it!!!

Keep reaching out. Keep socializing. You will settle in eventually. I am positive there are like minded mamas where you are. It does take time to find them, though.

Take care : )

brooken · 06-13-2004, 05:13 PM

Julie,
I just want to say that I am going through it too, I just moved ten months ago from a supportive community to one where I don't have any mama friends or connections. Depression comes and goes for me, I know how you feel. It's scary when you don't feel like getting out of bed.
I try to see the universe always giving me what I need... so when I feel sad, bored and isolated I try to use it as "internal" time, and accept that its alright to feel it. The last time I was depressed it was this past spring and it lasted for 6 weeks. I started crying at the optometrist and couldn't stop. Three things helped that I wanted to throw out there -
1. Acupuncture, always helps get my emotions moving.
2. Putting a pen to paper (or hand to keyboard) and expressing my feelings. (This last time this came for me in the form of really corny song lyrics written on the full moon.

but it helped.)
3. My connection to others, even if its long distance.
Every time I get depressed I get more "spiritual-minded," because for me that's the only way to make it through it.
Good luck mama, I'm new to this group but it seems like you have wonderful friends here that love you.

Namaste,
Dawn