amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

BlueRoseMama · 03-04-2004, 12:34 AM

My dd has always been a hair sucker... And I just thought it was part of her... well I went to put her hair in pony tails the other day for the first time in weeks, and her hair is noticably thinner on the left side than the right... this is where she pulls her hair out and sucks on it. I have talked to her about her doing that, and she always says she "just likes hair". I have asked her to pull her hair to her mouth with out taking it out of her head and she says sure... but the next day she is pulling it out again. I have tried to keep it up... but she pulls some out, or breaks some off... What do I do now?

Love Val

BonaDea · 03-04-2004, 01:07 AM

I was a sucker... not hair but shirt because my mom cut my hair so I couldn't suck on it

Anyhoo, I was finnally given a pacifier (at the age of 4 or 5 ish) and told to suck on that instead of my shirts. No big deal for me although my mom was peeved because she was trying to shame me into not doing it by embarrasing me in front of my friends. I didn't care 'cause I needed to suck.

Finally, the rule because that I could only suck in my room. Worked for me. Mom didn't have to see it and I still could do it as I needed.

Point is... try to find something to substitue for the hair.

I'm thinking worry beads or a rubbing stone or

you'll come up with something.

Selissa · 03-04-2004, 06:13 AM

My little brother sucked his fingers and pulled out his hair for years. he still has a giant scar on his scalp from where he lucked out a bald spot. We kept his head shaved but it didnt' really stop until he was old enough to feel self concious about sucking in public...7 or 8 I think.

foothillsmama · 03-04-2004, 06:31 AM

I just read about this in (I think, and it is late so I don't wanna go check) John Rosemond's book.
He seems to think that children just discover that they can do things and get into it for awhile, parents making a big deal about it can cause it to go on longer.
The example he used involved a child who would bring her mother handfuls of hair. He suggested that she, without emotion, walk to the toilet with it and flush it down, then tell the child, "this is where the hair goes, you don't need to bring it to me, you can just put it in here." I think the child lost interest. Anyway, his main point was don't get freaked out and your child won't, not that you are but probably a little.
I am not sure of her age but I definately wouldn't start showing my dd to put things in the toilet, everything would wind up there. I think I would choose the compost or garbage for hair disposal.
lol

MotherMoon · 03-04-2004, 10:18 AM

My girls have always had a thing with hair since I have waist length hair. They petted it while nursing as tiny ones and it progressed as they aged. Beth will sometimes chew hers when she is stressed. That has eased as she has gotten older.

One thing that helped me was to get them each a doll from loveybabies.com with my hair. They can chew it, pet it, what ever. This came about because Sam had extremely bad colic. I could not sit still with her. Well, Beth could not go to sleep without my hair. Thus, I cut a huge chunk out of my hair and sent it to loveybabies. Beth was thrilled. She had mommy's hair. I stayed in the room with her to be close but I could walk with Sam and Beth could have my hair. Now they have two each. Sam still prefers my hair but I will not let her pull or chew it. She has to do that to "doll-doll". These dolls have been life savers. And, because it is a part of me they are still attached to, I feel better about them being attached, even partially, to something other than me.

I had a strong sucking need as a child and still suck my own tongue a lot. I sucked my thumb until 12 years old A LOT. Then after that whenever I got upset.

BlueRoseMama · 03-04-2004, 10:29 AM

She sucks her fingers, I am actually encouraging this because she is extreemly independent and she is very hard for anyone else to console. Even as a baby she would not sleep with us... she wants to be put in her own bed, and left alone. She is one of those kids that when she gets upset she sends herself to her room. I am not joking... she will go up and sit on her bed for about 10 minutes, (sometimes longer, and sometimes I find her 1/2 hour later reading books) and then come down and tell me what she is upset about. She has always done this... I have NEVER met a child as in touch with her emotions as Cyan. She will be walking up the stairs, which the cat likes to sit on, upset and on the way to her bed, and she will yell "Move out o' my way Kitty, I'm SAD." She is 2 1/2... and we just about ignore all of it, unless she starts pulling handfulls of hair out. And I just started reacting to that about a week ago when I noticed that she is plucking herself bald. Some kids have a nervous tick to bang their heads on the wall when they are stressed, and/or tired... Cyan pulls out her own hair. I just worry... I don't overreact.

I know she knows it bugs me... but she is not doing it to get attention... that is not Cyan. I just want to figure out what is triggering it... Hopefully it is a phase. But it has lasted since 4 months... and it started with MY hair. I am just getting a little concerned is all.

Love Val

sleepypnutsmama · 03-04-2004, 12:33 PM

Hey Val~
I agree with mpeel. I have a friend (Dancing Giraffe) whose daughter loved to suck mama's hair, especially when falling asleep. They had a friend make a little cloth dall with a chunk of mama's hair sewn into it and sticking out the top of the head. She calls it "mommy doll". It was a very simple design, just two pieces of fabric in the shape of a person cut out, sewn together and stuffed like a pillow. Maybe you could make one for Cyan with some of her own hair?

Hugs to you! I know it can be difficult when they are going through something that you just don't understand. We mamas worry so much!

Love,
Christy

foothillsmama · 03-05-2004, 07:10 PM

Hi Val,

I didn't mean to imply that Cyan was doing this for attention, just that making a deal out of it can increase her stress and cause her to do it more. The Rosemond book also mentioned "head bangers" and said that that was also a way kids deal with things and not to worry that it is out of the norm.

arasmama · 03-05-2004, 08:34 PM

I was like Jenn, my mom cut my hair off really short because I wouldn't (couldn't?) stop chewing on it. I think I had a very very strong oral fixation. I sucked my thumb until 6, then chewed hair until my mom had it cut off at 8, then bit my nails until 13.

My brother use to twirl his hair around his finger and pull it out. He had a bald spot in front from it. He eventually outgrew it.

Akayasmama · 03-05-2004, 08:35 PM

Hi Val! I've got to e-mail you!

My little brother used to suck his thumb with MY hair. He would pull it out and wrap it around his thumb and suck on it. When we were 4 and 3, I got fed up with him pulling out my hair. So the next time we were at a laundromat, I told him to stick his thumb in the washer (front loading back then) and I slammed it shut. He NEVER sucked his thumb again or pulled my hair. I'm not suggesting that you do this of course! I would suggest a either a substitute thing to suck on- or if you just want her to stop sucking on her hair you could try to put something bitter on the ends she sucks on- maybe dip the ends into vinegar or lemon juice??? I sucked the ends of my hair as a child for years, especially when I was board or nervous. I have a ton of hair now so it didn't permanetly do anything to my hair, which is probably a small consolation to you!

You are a creative mama, I'm sure you will think of some awesome substitute to make for Cyan!

phunkymama · 03-06-2004, 07:28 PM

My daughter is also a "hair sucker." Her greatest comfort is to twirl my hair while sucking her thumb.

I've seen others mention it, but I can't recommend Joy at LoveyBabies highly enough. DD has had "Sparkle Dolly" for nearly four years now. I sent my hair clip to Joy and within a week, I had a wonderful loveable doll for DD. She's on the web at www.loveybabies.com .

Em is almost 5 and shows no signs of giving up thumb sucking and hair twirling. At this point, though, she's mostly only doing it midday when she's tired, or when it's bedtime.

Big Mama Hughes · 03-07-2004, 10:32 AM

there is actually a disorder that involves pulling out one's hair - i don't remember what it's called, but i'm sure if you did a search you'd come up w/some info and be able to determine if your child has it or not.

BlueRoseMama · 03-07-2004, 11:55 AM

She deffinetly does not have that "trich" disease becuase that is an adult disorder. She is only 2. Which was nice to learn... so thanks for the tip.

But I was reading about the lovey babies and I really think that may really help. Perhaps I will get her one if she does not stop before summer. I just don't know where I would cut the hair from... lol

Love Val