amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

amyorama · 02-25-2004, 08:43 AM

They just got them for Xmas and their birthdays! They don't play with them, but when the ILs come over, they'll want to know what happened to the Leap Frog table, the plastic tonka trucks, the Little People fire engines. Would it be rude of me to give toys away that they don't paly with? Is there an unwritten rule of etiquette (sp) on how long you must hold on to an unused toy? Hmm....

boyfactory · 02-25-2004, 10:21 AM

Give them away. I usually wait a few months before giving away a gift. If they don't play with it, they don't play with it. It's not doing any good just sitting around. My il's never come to visit...well twice in 5 years, it's almost never.

So, I can get rid of toys from them I don't like, quickly.

Could you keep just one of the items they got for when they visit?

lakshmi_mama · 02-25-2004, 12:57 PM

Yes, it is fine to give them away. If anyone asks about it you really just need to explain the reasons why you gave them away. Let them know their gift was appreciated, but that because you choose not to have plastic toys (or anything that might be in question) you passed them along to someone who would get use out of them. If you are clear and non judgemental in explaining it to them you have done your part. It is up to them how they decide to respond to this. They might be offended, but it is better, IMO than glossing it over with a lie or half-truth (ie. hmmm...I don't know where they are...). If you are not clear about why you gave them away then they are very likely to repeat it next time and give you more stuff you don't want.

This past year we sent a nice note to all those who would be getting us kid gifts letting them know that we have decided not to have plastic toys in our house so that they could choose gifts that we could welcome and keep. There was a good amount of eye rolling (good grief - what will these wackos think of next?) but for the most part everyone respected our wishes.

amyorama · 02-25-2004, 03:10 PM

There was a good amount of eye rolling (good grief - what will these wackos think of next?) There was a good amount of eye rolling (good grief - what will these wackos think of next?)

I'd definitely get that! But you're right-it's better than glossing over with a lie...

Thanks mamas! I feel better now...

thea · 02-25-2004, 06:57 PM

I don't know if it was on the Flylady site or in some "getting organized" book, but it has really helped me with getting rid of gifts: You can keep the good wishes that came with a gift without keeping the object itself. A gift that comes with an obligation is not really a gift.

amyorama · 02-25-2004, 07:58 PM

A gift that comes with an obligation is not really a gift.

That is so true.

My ILs spend waay too much $$ on the kiddos. We're talking hundreds of dollars. So sad to think their money was wasted-I even told them to get them nothing, than if they HAD to, get something wooden, non-plastic, etc. I shouldn't complain-they are very generous people!

KD · 02-25-2004, 10:40 PM

I have really tried re-directing the inlaws and let them know we do wood or natural. They can see it when they come over but still tend to buy toys I just plain don't want my kids to have (like Bratt doll! I will NOT even go there). Basically I am honest though... I ask them to keep it at their home for the kids to play with it there. They hate the clutter of toys so this also helps them understand we cannot hold that many toys in our home (they give gifts *every time* we see them).

Good luck! I feel for you!

Ariadne Umbrell · 02-25-2004, 11:03 PM

Being genuinely grateful, and totally appreciative of their generosity. Putting words to their emotions: " I am so glad that you want the kids to have wonderful toys to play with. It is so much fun to imagine being an XYZ. I am so grateful that you are so generous with your choices--" is the butter that covers a lot of given away bread.

" I am so glad you took the time to figure out what most teens want. What a neat toy! It's different than what I grew up with. What were dolls like when you were growing up? What did you think about this one? Oh, yeah, I can see you getting really uncomfortable with it, but you really wanted Casey to have the coolest toys. Wow. Thank you. You know, it kind of makes me nervous, too. I'd love it if you brought something that you and Casey could play together, or something that you played with as a kid. I want her to get to know you, like I've gotten to know you. Isn't that the best part of being a family?" Re creepy dolls, or anything else.

ari