amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

chrissymama · 04-28-2008, 06:23 PM

i was baptized catholic, but never confirmed. we barely ever went to church as kids.

in my early 20's i started going to an episcopal church some- mainly just on holidays. dh and i joined an episcopal church, were married in one, and our oldest 2 kids were baptized in one.

i really like the episcopal church. i think the services are truly beautiful. our political views seem to be in alignment with the church. we have always felt very comfortable there.

BUT i have this nagging feeling that it just isn't the right place for me. although i think it is beautiful and lovely and kind and warm, it feels more like... poetry to me, than truth, you know? it all just seems like a nice story.

i find myself thinking that i don't even know what i believe anymore. i find myself feeling a very strong pull to the catholic church even though there are so many things i think i disagree with.

i don't know where to go from here. honestly i don't know enough about either church to make a decision.

so, where do i go from here? any advice would be greatly appreciated. religion really hasn't been a big part of my life... ever, but i am really feeling the pull lately.

Natalia · 04-28-2008, 11:58 PM

I don't want to leave you here with no responses. Of course, no one can tell you what you believe or which church is right for you. Pray and then listen for an answer.

Finding and changing religions has been discussed a lot on this forum. You may want to look at some old posts and resurrect those of interest to you. Maybe people are getting tired of typing the same thing over and over about how they found their religious home -- but much has been said about it here in the past year.

I hope that you find your spiritual home soon.

heythereheather · 04-29-2008, 12:03 AM

Does your church have any classes about the beliefs of the church? Or attend a class like that at a local Catholic church? The best way to find out what you believe is to find a safe place to ask the questions. I would start with the church where you currently are, since it feels like a good fit in many ways. Ask the questions about why it feels a little light. Find out if it's that particular church that makes you feel that way, or the whole denomination.

Maura · 04-29-2008, 12:31 AM

Maybe you could find some books at the local bookstore or library that could answer questions about belief and then attend some different services to get an idea of what they are like in your area? Online there is *so* much information that you should be able to find something through Google, too. maybe start with the Catholic church and see what you like about it- traditions or style of the mass and then try to find something that grabs you as far as beliefs, too. I'm too tired to make any sense! I find that I like the service style of one particular Christian church but do not agree with all of the beliefs- so I guess I'm stuck.

annb · 04-29-2008, 04:50 AM

God writes the truth on your heart.

I guess I would probably start with one or two things that you are feeling aren't true at the church you're in, and reasearch those issues, from an episcopal perspective, Catholic perspective, and other perspectives.
I think it's great if you're being called to the Catholic church!

Also, look into a couple things that you think you disagree with the Catholic church on. Everything I have questioned I have found that the Catholic church can back with solid reasons of love and faith. Some things can come across as being opressive or old fashioned if you don't see the true meaning and reasons behind them. Learning more though, I've found that is never the case. Some of the things I thought I might disagree with, I came to find that it wasn't me disagreeing with the Catholic Church, it was me disagreeing with God. I've been able to humble myself a little and take His word for it on these issues. And it's allowed me to have a much closer relationship with Jesus and live my faith a lot more openly now that I know what I believe and why I believe it. I'm able to share my faith with others more than I ever have been able to.

sewlittletime · 04-29-2008, 10:25 PM

I tried repeatly to post to you yesterday and could not for whatever reason. My computer just kept clocking and never posted. RCIA (rite of Catholic initiation of adults) might be something that would interest you. These are classes that help a person discern if the Catholic faith is right for them. There is no obligation to come into the church if you attend these classes. An awesome resource to have is the Catechism of the Catholic Church. This is not a book to just sit and read cover to cover, but it is a wonderful book to have on your book shelf to can find answers to Catholic teachings. Although I do not always agree 100% with the Catholic Church, I do believe that the Catholic Church tries hard to be holy and make the best decisions to help us live holy lives. May you have peace while you discern the best place for you to worship our Lord.

Audreysmama · 04-30-2008, 10:24 AM

Chrissy, I can totally understand where you are coming from. I grew up attending non-denomoninational church and then once dd#1 was about 2 dh and I realized that was just not the place for us. So we began looking and fell in love w/ the Episcopal church. However our beloved priest left a few years later and we got this horrible priest who was terrible (he even lied during the interview process which I was part of) and this was right around the same time as all the political things started happening in the church as well. So we left and have pretty much been churchless the past 2 years. It has been no fun for me. I really feel that pull on my heart to attend church and to be involved and the only place that was calling on my heart was the Catholic church. So this past fall I attended the RICA and got a lot of answers about the church's belief's and while so very similar to the Episcopal church, I knew this is where I am meant to be. I really enjoyed attending RCIA and wish dh could/would have with me but we could not get childcare for so long once a week. So what it boils down to is that I am converting, but dh is not (at this time). He even went through getting his first marriage anulled for me and we need to have our marriage vows renewed in the church before I can convert as well. He is very supportive of this and I have hopes that he will make the choice to attend RCIA sometime and convert himself. For me the Catholic church is like home, I love the history and tradition in the services. Much of it was not new though as it is so much like Episcopal. I also do not agree with everything in the Catholic church 100%, but I figure with any church you will have that and rarely will you find a church you are on board with every thing. I would encourage you to pray about this and to attend RCIA as opposed to reading books as it was very enriching. (Well, there is some reading involved while attending RCIA, but I was just thinking of the value of having other's to discuss with.) Oh, I also did not find our RCIA geared towards making you or forcing you to convert in any way. Ours left it open as a choice each must make after prayers for himself/herself and was almost more about spreading the word of God. It was nice and totally no pressure to convert. Good luck mama! Switching churches is a toughie.

chrissymama · 04-30-2008, 09:20 PM

thank you all for your replies.

i think i left out a key component, well not super key, but a little. we moved to where we live now a year ago. we haven't joined a church since then. we've been to an episcopal church once, on christmas eve. we did really like it. the only reason we haven't returned is that it isn't close- 25 min or so away. well, that and my current concern with the right denomination for us.

2 weeks ago we went to a catholic church. i really liked it. dh didn't. well, he liked it fine, but he kind of freaked on me and said "i could never ever EVER be catholic." he's scared, and i get that. i really really o.

i think my choices right now are to either (1) start going to an episcopal church more faithfully AND take an "enquirers class." we never took it, though we were members of our church in our old town. or (2) start going to a catholic church and take RCIA classes.

i am torn because in my heart i feel more pulled towards catholicism but my dh would really prefer (that's too weak a word) an episcopal church.

i think this weekend we will go to an episcopal church and i will pray and think and pray, and then talk to dh and decide where to go from here.

annb · 05-01-2008, 01:14 AM

There are many people who are scared of the Catholic Church. He's probably been told something or believes something about the Catholic Church that puts him off. This is not unusual, in many churches there is a strong anti-Catholic vibe. I've had a friend say that she didn't think Catholics were Christians. There are many people who have been more scared of the Catholic church than he is who have converted, so don't feel like he's a lost cause if you choose to go the route of Catholocism.
I recommended a book to Michelle, but I think you and your dh might really enjoy it as well. It's called Rome Sweet Home by Scott & Kimberly Hahn, and it is their conversion story. They had a lot to lose in their conversion to Catholocism, and Scott Hahn is a noted theologian and was ordained as a presbyterian minister before becoming Catholic. It's really interesting to read, because it's not like he woke up one morning and decided to be Catholic. He was really studying his faith and found all the answers in Catholocism, much to his dismay!

Maura · 05-01-2008, 08:52 AM

Maybe you could think about what it is that calls you to the Catholic church? And what it is at that church that you cannot get at the Episcopal church. Could you attand the church without becoming a memeber? I was raised catholic- every Sunday, every holy day, confirmed, etc..,, I know a lot of my firends who were raised less strictly Catholic who still identify themselves as Catholic because they were baptised in the church.
At any rate, I hope you find the church that fulfills you!

OnTheBrink · 05-01-2008, 09:49 AM

Well, I think you've done more than most just by asking the questions and going on the search. That shows a level of spiritual maturity that is not all that common. So, kudos!

I was born and raised Roman Catholic and am now Episcopalian. I love(d) the RCC, but never felt at home there. There are/were things that I just couldn't reconcile with my spirit. No matter how much research, prayer, and time I put into trying to be at peace with those things, I just couldn't. The things that really bothered me in the RCC were answered in the EC, without leaving behind the tradition and history that is so important.

It should be noted that I do NOT believe there is one true church. I believe there is one true God. That's about it. Churches are for people. So, different people need different churches.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chrissymama

iBUT i have this nagging feeling that it just isn't the right place for me. although i think it is beautiful and lovely and kind and warm, it feels more like... poetry to me, than truth, you know? it all just seems like a nice story.

What do you mean? What truth do you think is missing?

Quote:

i find myself feeling a very strong pull to the catholic church even though there are so many things i think i disagree with.

I think it matters WHAT things you disagree with. Some things are OK to not agree with. Others are not. The things that I had issues with were not negotiable.

Some people (my sister, for instance) is totally fine with being part of the RCC while disagreeing with the teachings and even living outside the teachings. I cannot do that. I am more black and white and a rule follower.

Quote:

i don't know where to go from here. honestly i don't know enough about either church to make a decision.

So - don't make a decision yet. There's no deadline. We have quite a few people at our EC who are RCC, but just checking us out. Some have been checking us out for years, but aren't ready to officially say that they are no longer RCC. That's fine!

Quote:

Originally Posted by chrissymama

2 weeks ago we went to a catholic church. i really liked it. dh didn't. well, he liked it fine, but he kind of freaked on me and said "i could never ever EVER be catholic."

What is his reason?

You don't both have to share the same beliefs and denominations. Many fine marriages include two churches. I think it can be an added stress, but it can work. My sister's husband is Presbyterian. He went through RCIA with the intention of becoming a RCC. At the end of the class, he said that he couldn't go through with it. He could not profess to believe something that he doesn't know to be true. I have a lot of respect for him for doing that.

Quote:

i think my choices right now are to either (1) start going to an episcopal church more faithfully AND take an "enquirers class." we never took it, though we were members of our church in our old town. or (2) start going to a catholic church and take RCIA classes.

Or both! I know that would be time consuming, but I think it would be worth it.
If you were shopping for a new house, and there were House A and House B to consider, you'd never just look at House A OR House B, right? You'd thoroughly examine both before deciding which to make home. I think this is similar.

I DO think it's important to faithfully attend church during this journey. You could attend both churches each weekend, or switch ever other week or month or so. But, like the House analogy, you really can't make the choice without going inside!

Don't forget that individual churches do not define the entire denomination. If you aren't happy with a particular parish or priest, but feel drawn to the denomination, try another (if there is more than one locally). We tried three different Episcopal churches before we found the one that we feel most at home. The beliefs are the same, but the style is different.

I'll pray for you!

annb · 05-02-2008, 04:23 AM

That is really good advice, Nancy. Well stated.

chrissymama · 05-02-2008, 09:32 AM

nancy, thanks so much for replying! i was hoping you would.

What do you mean? What truth do you think is missing?
i honestly don't know. i think a big part of it is that i just don't know enough about it. i enjoy the services, but i find myself with a lot of why's in my head. BUT this is my fault, not the church's. i need to take the enquirer's class to learn more.

Some people (my sister, for instance) is totally fine with being part of the RCC while disagreeing with the teachings and even living outside the teachings. I cannot do that. I am more black and white and a rule follower.

i feel the same as you do. it is possible that if i look further into the church, my beliefs could change. i would not be able to join the church unless i did agree with all its teachings. i don't think the church would want me to either.

What is his reason?

he is afraid that i am/will turn into a completely different person. we are liberal democrats and that really defines us in a lot of important ways. he is afraid that if i embrace Catholicism, i will become a different person. he's right really. he's afraid it would pull us apart.

Or both! I know that would be time consuming, but I think it would be worth it.
If you were shopping for a new house, and there were House A and House B to consider, you'd never just look at House A OR House B, right? You'd thoroughly examine both before deciding which to make home. I think this is similar.

i think for now we're going to really delve into the episcopal church. we're going to try a new one this weekend and then decide which of 2 that we prefer. then we'll take the enquirer's class and go from there. i just don't think that with 3 young kids and a super busy dh that i can do 2 churches at a time. but i think doing it this way will be ok. i will see if all my questions can be answered and if it feels right to me. if not, or if i'm unsure, then i will try a Catholic church and RCIA.

thanks for your prayers.

kids have had enough of me on the computer, so i will respond more later.

thank you all really and truly!!!!

Momof6 · 05-02-2008, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chrissymama

i

BUT i have this nagging feeling that it just isn't the right place for me.

i find myself feeling a very strong pull to the catholic church even though there are so many things i think i disagree with.

iso, where do i go from here? any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I too have had that same nagging feeling at a few different demoninations.

I too have had that pull to the Catholic church. Actually a few times over my life, which I have ignored. It is this past experience that I have stopped and am exploring.

I can only tell you what I'm doing that is new for me. I am reading as much as I can about the Catholic faith and early Christian church history. Watching EWTN (there are a few really good shows....if you get this network, I'll list the ones that I like best and am learning a lot from)
I am taking the free online courses from the Catholic Home Study site. I'm reading through the Catechism. I am praying the rosary daily.

I just added this onto my already established daily Bible reading and prayer.

I am going to attend Mass this Sunday. I plan on going regularly for a while and also seeing if I can get in the church just to pray. (at a time when a official thing is not going on....I just want the silence to pray and seek)

Anyway, that is what I've been doing. I did ask some questions here on this board about the Catholic church...some may not be visible on the main page anymore. I have found the Catholic moms here really willing to share.

You are not alone in what you are experiencing re: Catholic Christian faith.

Michelle

annb · 05-02-2008, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momof6

I am going to attend Mass this Sunday. I plan on going regularly for a while and also seeing if I can get in the church just to pray. (at a time when a official thing is not going on....I just want the silence to pray and seek)

Michelle

Michelle, does the church have Eucharistic Adoration? That's what it is-- time to sit and pray with Jesus!