amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

~Meeshi~ · 07-04-2006, 12:20 PM

This is a topic that has been on my mind for a while. I was raised being told what to believe. As I got older, I discovered that I didn't really believe that after all. I did feel a certain amount of resentment about having to attend church services weekly and church school, listening to messages that did not coincide with my own thoughts. I did not learn much at all about other spiritualities and philosophies.

When raising our girls, I have found it difficult at times to know how to approach the subject. There are times, such as following a death, that it seems even harder to explain. I have a rather eclectic belief system, myself, but I do not feel comfortable teaching my girls that my way is the only way it is. I try to explain things to them in the terms of "some people think..... and others think..... and yet others think....." without giving them the idea that any one way is more right than another. Yet, I realize that I end up sharing more info about Earth based spiritualities than others because I tend to know more info about them.

How do you approach teaching your children about beliefs? Do you think that it is up to you to direct them to one specific way, or do you try to expose them to different beliefs and let them choose their own way? If you do try to teach about different schools of thought, how (where) do you get your info so that you know you are giving your children a good, rounded idea of those beliefs?

Barb · 07-04-2006, 12:32 PM

Having been raised to "find my own way" and having struggled for years because of it, I know that it may be unpopular but yes - I am teaching my children what our family believes.

I am of course including the fact that others do not believe what we do, and that it is absolutely ok to learn what they believe, to talk to them about what they believe etc. And we pray for some folks who don't believe in anything, that the Holy spirit will touch their hearts and souls and open them up to accepting God.

I know that they may indeed choose another path as adults. And I will pray for them, and with them as they enter adulthood and are exposed to more and more of other peoples spirituality and religion.
But as children, I am giving them a firm, sturdy foundation and a personal relationship with God.
We are Christ followers. We are teaching our children a bible based spirituality. That God loves them. That God sent His son to die for us and we thank Him for that and we praise Him and we know that we are blessed by Him. I want my kids to know deep down in their souls that there is a God and He made them unique and special and that He loves them and has from the moment they were conceived. That He has a plan for them and watches over them and they are never alone in this world. that His word is there to guide them as they grow and learn and become adults.

I teach my children , they go to sunday school, they attend a playgroup where the parents are involved in bible study so they are watching us learn together, pray together and worship together.

My kids ask questions of course and will hopefully not "blindly" follow or be "obedient" but will have FAITH.
I want my children growing up with a personal relationship with God and Faith. Because I did not and my life sucked on so many levels and I struggled for so many years to figure out what I believed to be the truth since no one raised me with any solid belief system.

Since we are also Jewish (I am jewish by birth therefore my children are as well) and are basically messianic in our beliefs, they are also learning a great deal about Judaism. Half their family is Jewish too which helps. When I'm unsure I get online and read - I call my sister or my uncle (who are practicing Jews) when I need to as well. I read the bible.

I will honestly not be teaching my children about other religions at this point in their lives. Chelsey at 16.5 has approached me about what Pagans and Wiccans believe since she's befriended a few girls who are pagan and wiccan and she and I have read online, searched some posts here etc so that she can have some info. She talks to them about their beliefs.

I dunno. am rambling.

maryalene · 07-04-2006, 06:42 PM

I am teaching my kids my beliefs because I think they are true and right. If I were to teach them something else, IMO, I would be teaching them a lie. Does that make sense? I will share information with my kids about other faiths and religions so they will have an understanding of them and their tenents, but it will be in the context of our beliefs.

punkin · 07-04-2006, 07:05 PM

Barb, I think i almost always agree with your views on church and faith.

Hindy · 07-04-2006, 07:14 PM

We like to give our child some structure to a belief system. We also want her to know that while our belief system is important, we want her to respect other people and what they believe in. It is very important to us that dd be a part of what we believe and practice.

beanandpumpkin · 07-04-2006, 08:51 PM

I agree with Barb. At my kids' ages (5 and 3), we talk about what we believe. When they are older, I'll definitely teach them ABOUT what others believe, but that those beliefs are not what WE believe. If that makes any sense. At their tender ages right now, though, our own beliefs can be "confusing" enough (confusing is not the right word...), so I don't want to introduce others as well at this time.

freedomlover · 07-04-2006, 09:28 PM

We talk a lot about the world, different beliefs, how each of us views things.
Interestingly enough....from the time they could speak, our kids have felt quite strong in their beliefs of how things must work or be.
They are free to express what is on their minds about the order of the universe and they come up with some compelling, awesome thoughts to share which challenge us to change our own concepts of it all (does that make sense?!)

My oldest is 16 now and very comfortable in various religious worlds. I am super proud of him.

If you feel confidant in your own skin, live your beliefs and let your children feel free to ask questions, it all comes together.

marjen · 07-04-2006, 10:11 PM

I have very mixed feelings on this subject. I was brought up to believe in equality and respect. I remember the day I found out racism actually did exist. I was crushed. I was brought up to believe in interdepence and no borders. We marveled continually at the beauty of our earth. We worked the soil with our bare hands. We sailed in the ocean and snorkeled in the Bahamas. We ate fish head soup and often walked miles so we did not pollute the earth. I have no regrets about all that - it was beautiful and pure.

I was not brought up to have faith. I did go to Church on occasion with friends. I was taught about the philosophies of various religions and respected them. But I never believed in them. My mother is an athiest but she wishes now she was not. She is 63 and wishes she could have faith. She sees her dh and the faith he has and the great comfort and peace it gives him. Her faith used to be in humanity, but I think that has worn itself down through various experiences.

I cannot imagine actually following the teachings of a church. I don't want to either.

BUT can faith be realized at will later? People who seem to have the ability to have faith, were brought up in it. It was instilled in them. I don't know if that is good or not, but as adults they can choose to have faith or not. I cannot choose. It would be like following a comic book religion to me.

As a third generation athiest, could I possibly pretend to follow a religion in order to give that to my kids? I cannot be hyprocritical.

In my humble opinion, teaching your kids what you believe in, whatever it is, is better than not teaching them to have faith in anything.

But perhaps if my parents had chosen otherwise, I would be resentful and angry.

I will never know....

~Meeshi~ · 07-04-2006, 10:28 PM

Thanks for the replies! Some interesting things to think about.

Jen, what you say is really interesting to me. I consider myself to have a Faith, yet it is not the one I was raised in, nor is it any one specific spirituality. But, I have recieved strong signs from the Higher Power that give me faith that my path is the right one for me.

I have been surprised to find that when I talk about things like this with my girls, they often tend to agree with Native American spirituality more than anything else. So, we have ended up reading more about that and have been to several NA ceremonies and celebrations.

This is all very interesting and has given me a lot to think about.....

Sunflower_Momma · 07-04-2006, 10:34 PM

Well, we teach our children what we believe, but what we believe is sort of up in the air. At my dd's age (4), she knows that we believe that their is a God, though we do not specify gender, and that God had a son, Jesus, that was a really cool guy and said some cool stuff about how to be nice to other people. Also, God's creations (though we teach evolution - as basic as one can teach the concept to a 4 year old) are pretty cool such as the beautiful sunrise and sunset, the rain that gives Mother Earth a nice cool drink, the power in the trees, etc. Basic, simple stuff for a 4 year old.

It will get much much harder when she is old enough to delve into actual religious tradition. DH is Catholic and we mostly attend mass. Just this past year I toyed, again, with the concept of joining, but came to (after a year of study) to the very firm decision that I will never join. I will go, I will participate, I will support, but I am not, nor ever will be, Catholic. I believe that in my heart I am most like the UU church. So, obviously my beliefs are different than my dh's.

My guess is that we will continue to attend the catholic services until the kiddos start asking their own questions, then I will share the differences in my beliefs and their father's beliefs and ask them what they think that they believe.

I do want them to attend some church service regularly, but if they want to pick something different, rock on (shoot, I might love it if they did). If they want to explore, I'll explore with them, but the deal is that they have to attend something and they have to learn the basic beliefs of our family, which are:

treat others as you would be treated
treat others as if they were the face of God
treat the earth as the gift that it is from God
be grateful for all your gifts
know that you are special and precious

The rest is up for grabs.

jeni · 07-06-2006, 06:04 PM

I was raised in tha faith that I still believe in very strongly. It was not a big deal for my parents, it was a way of life. We almost never talked about it because there was no reason to. My family and I talk about this a lot - it is also a part of our lives, but we meet many, many more poeple who do not agree or of differing beliefs who try to challenge us. We talk about this in the context of my husband's and my political beliefs, our daily decisions, our schedules, etc. My son tried atheism as a teen. He is back to our church now. We didn't pressure him, we just said that he could believe what he wanted. I have custody of my nephew, who doesn't know what to believe. He can believe what he wants, but he can never say that no one told him about Christianity.

HealingPixie · 07-06-2006, 07:54 PM

While I follow more of an Earth Based broad spirituality.. I teach Taya and have since birth all forms of religon and spiritual paths. I had such a struggle with my own from being brainwashed from an early age and it was very detrimental to my mental and spiritual being for years. We attend a very laid back christian based study group (where I am the only 'pagan' in attendence BUT very well accepted and they seems to appreciate my feedback as I do not have issues with the concepts of learning and they know that is why I am there..though of course a few of my close friends do try and 'convert' me in a nice way

I do not think this situation would work for everyone..but I am lucky to have a very close friend who is also the pastor and her wife is one of my best friends..so the whole church are my friends and were my firends prior to my attendence. I also teach her solitary ritual, group rituals, and nature magic and appreciation at home. She has books from most every path and I encourage her to answer her own questiosn thru research of books, asking questions, and her own heart/intuition. She is of the mindset that belief and faith is what makes something real..whether it be a deity or a pixie. She believes healing comes thru believe/faith and common sense. I think she has a good foundation. She considers herself spiritual but does not label herself and I think that is a great way to be. Leaves room to grow without underlying expectations or feelings of being heldback or 'betraying' your preivous belief system. So she knows the basics of christianity, wicca, paganism, judism, muslim faith, buddism, taoism, Earth Medicine, Medicine Wheel principles, faerie faith, and a few others... I would love more info and will look into such from hindu and krisna faiths.

dreamseeds · 07-07-2006, 02:01 PM

Jeni has the most handsome sons!

One thing I feel inclined to share is that the daughter of a famous pagan herbalist said that she wishes she had been raised in a "faith". She feels like part of her life has a hole in it.

I must say I was utterly shocked to hear her say that and it really made me feel better that I give my children some foundational direction on what we beleive. (christianity) but I tend to embrace some earth and native traditions as well.
I just keep asking God to help me understand what I need to in my spiritual life and share the things I embrace as truth with my children.

Natalia · 07-08-2006, 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by organicmama

JOne thing I feel inclined to share is that the daughter of a famous pagan herbalist said that she wishes she had been raised in a "faith". She feels like part of her life has a hole in it.

I must say I was utterly shocked to hear her say that and it really made me feel better that I give my children some foundational direction on what we beleive. (christianity) but I tend to embrace some earth and native traditions as well.
I just keep asking God to help me understand what I need to in my spiritual life and share the things I embrace as truth with my children.

In principle, I agree that we should give children some structure, e.g., teaching what we believe. The difficulty for me is that my beliefs no longer fit the religion I grew up with nor any other "whole" belief system. I am hopeful that God will lead us to the right church/religion/practice. In the meantime, I too ask God to guide me as I guide my children and to give me and them what we each need.

Sabra · 07-08-2006, 01:20 AM

I consider raising my children in my belief system as important as any other facet of my parenting. How could I teach them English and Math and Science and not Faith? It doesn't make sense to me.

Also, as other have touched upon, my own observation of people who were raised without a faith (or even without a specific lack of faith) is that they have all struggled mightily to fill the hole they experienced. My husband and all my cousins were raised with this laissez-faire attitude toward religion, and they have all suffered for it. My husband is the only one to not fall into an "I will tell you what to believe" sort of church (this is the kind I loathe), and he fell into my denomination with startling quickness.

Whatever your belief in a Creator, you should pass it on to your children. They will be better for it in the long run, even if they do wind up with a different belief.