amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

hadalamb · 06-14-2006, 01:02 AM

just intellectualism? or some other reason?

I'm taking some teeny baby steps, but feeling sort of alone. I have great respect for my religion, but it seems most ppl who leave it do so b/c they feel slighted, angry, lied to, offended etc. There's a local group I want to go to (kind of a "losing your religion" support group) but I'm afraid it will be nothing more than "bashing." I will look into it anyway b/c there's no other way of knowing until I try it out.

Also, I just have to say, I will miss a personal relationship w/God. I don't think I believe in God at all (or any HP), but I still feel Him. Is that normal? Or it it really some kind of manifestation?

I'm guessing it's just really normal. I wouldn't say it's necessarily manifestation, since most of my growing up yrs i felt God hated me and I tried soooo hard to be perfect so he would accept me.

I learned more and realized my thinking was not congruent w/doctrine, but I had to really *force* myself to feel the Love I felt from Him. So I do think I created Him, and what I feel my relationship is w/Him. But the idea of truly not having that in my head just makes me feel so sad.

Will I ever be able to let Him go?

If I'm making sense to anyone, please let me know. Otherwise, ignore the crazy lady in the corner figuring out the meaning of life.

HealingPixie · 06-14-2006, 07:43 AM

I am listening

I also feel you have to do what is best for you and your spirituality whatever that may be or bring to you. If you have these feelings you describe. I personally think it is not the right thing to do to 'pretend'. Pretending or going thru the motions without a true belief in what you or the person/doctrine you are 'following' is correct is just a waste of time and can cause more troubles in the long run.
I do hope you find your 'home' spiritually..even if it is in your backyard and not in some building. I know personally I find much more peace and feel closer to my Divine in my own backyard than I ever have sitting in a pew.
**hugs**
And you are so far from being the crazy lady..lol.. I think MANY people at oen time or another feel/felt exactly like you are describing. It is very hard to change..even when we KNOW we are not in the right place..after so many years of societies and self inflicted mindfilling thoughts/ideas being pushed in.
Happiest Thoughts!!
Lisa/Pixie

jeni · 06-14-2006, 08:57 AM

I admire you for not bashing. I hear that so often, too. I didn't leave my religion, but kind of moved within it to another branch of the same tree. This branch is different from the others, the perpective from this place is different and some beliefs are different. That said, I know if I hadn't been where I was, I wouldn't be where I am.

miraclebirths · 06-14-2006, 09:49 AM

you can still have g-d in your life w/out your church. g-d does not live in a building g-d lives in your heart

Natalia · 06-15-2006, 06:55 PM

Your thoughts sound like part of a normal spiritual awakening process. I am often confused and uncertain. I keep seeking and know that this is all part of the process for me. I believe that all paths lead to God, so be kind to yourself, explore and see what happens. Blessings!

DixieChick · 06-16-2006, 05:48 PM

yep! I grew up in the presbyterian church but had issues with some of the beliefs. There were things that just never made sense to me and I was unable to get an adequate answer from anyone.

Then I met my husband, well, back then he was just some guy! We started dating, he took me to church with him. I learned so much and am still learning. I was baptised, and now I am a Christian, not a baptist or lutheran or persbyterian or anything else. I read my Bible and follow it. I love hearing what our preacher and Bible class teachers say, but I always read the scriptures myself and decide if I think they are right or wrong.

Christmas is hard for my family because I and my nuclear family will not participate in some things, but over the last 10 years, they've gotten over it, for the most part!

Sunflower_Momma · 06-16-2006, 06:01 PM

I have. Not that I hated it or anything, I just decided that I didn't believe what they were teaching. It was a struggle.

I believe that people grow up believing in the church of their childhood because that's what they've been told. At some point they come to a spiritual crisis where they have to decide what they believe for themselves. Many times it is the same church as their childhood, but sometimes it isn't - and that's difficult.

hadalamb · 06-16-2006, 06:04 PM

I really appreciate all the answers given. Your reponses have actually helped me pinpoint more directly my feelings... I am not simply mourning the loss of my religion, but I'm mourning the loss of God. I don't think I believe in God at all, or spiritual beings of any sort, higher power, what have you. I most closely identify as a humanist.

In most areas of my life, I have recently eliminated a lot of "crutches" I've had (I'm not sure what other word to use, I hope I did not offend anyone w/that term.) I feel kinda all alone, out there in the big world. It's really exciting to discover what I believe life means to me. Philosophy, science, etc. At the same time it is a big loss. My religion was all encompassing in every single decision I made in my life. I also fight guilt. My biggest desire right now is for my children to discover their truths, beliefs, what is precious to them w/out that constant guilt trying to force them.

hadalamb · 06-16-2006, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunflower_Momma

I have. Not that I hated it or anything, I just decided that I didn't believe what they were teaching. It was a struggle.

I believe that people grow up believing in the church of their childhood because that's what they've been told. At some point they come to a spiritual crisis where they have to decide what they believe for themselves. Many times it is the same church as their childhood, but sometimes it isn't - and that's difficult.

I believe you and I have the same religion of upbringing.

That is so cool to hear that you came to a difference of belief also, that it wasn't in anger. That is mainly what I see coming out of this religion (anger and hurt), and my own mother assumes I must simply be rebelling. She is very supportive, by the way. I was lucky to be raised by a feminist (as much as one can be in a male-priesthood-oriented church)! Anyway, who knows though... maybe my eyes will be opened more and in the end I will leave w/a lot of anger. I hope not. I really do have such respect for this church, and for my current leader who has shown more respect for me and my beliefs than most other leaders have (which is entirely more congruent w/doctrine, I might add).

It's interesting what you said in the second paragraph though. That does not fit me. I really did believe very strongly in my religion. I found out on my own what I believed, "knew" at the time. It was deep w/in me, and that is the reason I really have a hard time letting go of God completely (even though I believe I probably made him up in my own mind!). That personal relationship was powerful for me.

Am I just allowed to change my mind? What if I change it back again? eek. LOL I really don't want that.

Sunflower_Momma · 06-17-2006, 03:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hadalamb

I believe you and I have the same religion of upbringing.

That is so cool to hear that you came to a difference of belief also, that it wasn't in anger. That is mainly what I see coming out of this religion (anger and hurt), and my own mother assumes I must simply be rebelling. She is very supportive, by the way. I was lucky to be raised by a feminist (as much as one can be in a male-priesthood-oriented church)! Anyway, who knows though... maybe my eyes will be opened more and in the end I will leave w/a lot of anger. I hope not. I really do have such respect for this church, and for my current leader who has shown more respect for me and my beliefs than most other leaders have (which is entirely more congruent w/doctrine, I might add).

It's interesting what you said in the second paragraph though. That does not fit me. I really did believe very strongly in my religion. I found out on my own what I believed, "knew" at the time. It was deep w/in me, and that is the reason I really have a hard time letting go of God completely (even though I believe I probably made him up in my own mind!). That personal relationship was powerful for me.

Am I just allowed to change my mind? What if I change it back again? eek. LOL I really don't want that.

Read "Finding Your Religion." It's a great book.

But, I also find that it is very important - for me - to remember my roots and to separate culture from religion. I keep that which I like from both and I will also be a part of the culture.

You are allowed to change your mind.

If you ever want to talk more off the board, pm me and let's talk.

audreyloo · 06-30-2006, 01:04 AM

Hi, I just joined up today and your post caught my eye. My husband and I "left" our church over a year ago with no bad feelings , anger, etc.
We have both been more and more disenchanted with organized religions in general. (hypocrisy...funds spent on SO much other than the poor, etc )

Both "brought up" in "the church" ( I use these terms with a sense of....ighy~ ugh sometimes ), we have a deep and real relationship with Jesus.
I just got SO overwhelmed with feeling guilty for not fitting this "church go-er mold".
The more I read my own Bible...the more I looked at , thought about and really really Studied it....
the more I saw that "The Church" as we know it today is NOT , for the most part, structured and functioning the way ( I believe ) Jesus intended it to.
We know we are His church...no matter where we are .
We've started to meet together with others who see this truth as we do.
Just sharing our lives over meals in our home. Encouraging, teaching and LIVING the love we have in our God.
Anyhow, that is my tale to tell in answer to your question.

My advice?
Search for the Truth....with all the honesty in you....and you'll find it.
I believe...the Truth will find you before you find it.

Don't know if that helps at all....

danica · 07-03-2006, 02:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hadalamb

or some other reason?

i left my birth religion because i didn't believe it.
i joined one that i did believe.

hadalamb · 07-03-2006, 05:19 PM

Okay...... Truth. How can this be? How can so many mamas, just here in this thread, have searched for Truth and found completely different answers? It seems to me to all come down to "warm and fuzzy" feelings (which we often call "the spirit") rather than Truth. Many ppl believe in the "all paths lead to God" sort of thing, but I don't buy that notion... again, how can it be truth?

Some days lately I just want to go running back to my Church. Those warm and fuzzy feelings... the community.... the knowledge I once felt I knew 100%... the service... knowing what I was teaching my children... I really wanted the ideal church-y everything, and felt it w/my whole heart and soul.

Now I'm left w/guilt and unsurety. As an example, last week my ex-hb called and told me our 5 yo was taking the name of the Lord in vain. That's a big no-no, I raised my kids that it was more offensive than the F word. But, not believing in god anymore, what's the big deal for me. I don't think I say it around my kids, but maybe I have? So one or two of my kids were upset about it, my ex-hb was upset about it. My other kids think it's fine now. Do I really have the right to change the rules of the game at this point?? I mean in general, not just that example. I honestly don't think i have the right! At the same time, I don't want to raise my kids w/the guilt and 'this is the only right way to be' kind of mentality that I was raised with... I don't want them to be my age and feel the way i do, wondering if it's guilt or honest belief.

This just pretty much sucks. But when I really envision running back to my beliefs, I can't stomach it.

Nothing fits right now. Wish I was sure about *something.*

AngelaJ · 07-04-2006, 11:36 AM

I don't really have a lot of time, nor a lot to add, but I did want to say something. How about a different more accepting form of Christianity? There are several really accepting denominations.......I'm Methodist, then there's Espicopal, Presbyterian, Lutheran. All of these can be accepting, if you find the right church. There is still God and Jesus being the main focus, but there is a much less literal view of the Bible and how it should be applied to life. Also, I find this to be very comforting because *I* am completely in charge of my relationship with Jesus without having people tell me what I should and shouldn't do. I'm kind of stubborn that way.

I also wanted to add, that I had a very good friend, or so I thought, that is LDS. We have known each other for about 7 years now, but we are no longer "friends". Since 2 summers ago, when we had the missionaries here a few times, and decided that despite the family-friendliness, this just was not the religion that fit, she is no longer my friend. We are polite when we see each other, and she has never said as much, but it was all very coincidental that she just stopped calling, or answering my calls after this. That sealed the deal for me, whether it was right or not. She was my example for this religion, and when I decided that I didn't want to be like her, then I was no longer in her "circle". Not very accepting, and nothing I want to be a part of.

I am sorry you are hurting, Mama and I hope you find peace in whatever path you choose. I am on the search for a church home, after being unchurched for many years now, so I can relate just a little. It is difficult to find somewhere that is accepting and fulfilling at the same time, without being too restrictive.

Kerri · 07-04-2006, 11:45 AM

Familiarity is a big part of what makes us feel safe. But it's so hard to know whether something is right and true or whether it's just what we know. So I guess I have nothing to add. You'll always feel a tug towards what you grew up with.

As far as the kids go, do they still go to church with your exhb or their grandparents? Have you had a talk with them about how your feelings are changing? Because plenty of kids grow up with partially-religious families and they seem to choose for themselves what's true to them.

See, in most unsure situations, prayer seems to be the ultimate way to know what way to go, but if that's not what's true anymore, I don't know. I hope you find peace. Do you believe in any higher power? Like could you meditate some other way and listen to your heart or mind about your spiritual path? I'm thinking of you and hoping you can find peace.

Kerri