spiritual discussionsThis is the place at AW for mamas to learn about all different religions and beliefs, to ask questions, to give answers- all done with respect! if you don't have anything nice to say here- don't say anything at all.
A question about tact re: being invited to church repeatedly
I have made a friend locally and she's really nice. We don't attend church and are not religious. I realize that we don't quite fit in in that manner here in this area. It seems like EVERYONE attends, even those who otherwise don't practice religion. You can't go anywhere for lunch on Sundays after 12pm because it's just too crowded, so we know those things. I have probably been invited to every church in the area (that's a LOT of churches) and since it's rarely someone I'll ever see again, I thank them politely and say buh-bye.
But, this friend has invited me to her church probably 5 times. It's been via email and she's given me brochures, etc. We see each other at Kindermusik and crops. I don't say anything, just thank her. I am kind of worried she'll think differently of me because we don't attend. I mean, obviously she likes me already or she wouldn't be hanging out with me, so not wanting to hang out on the basis that I don't ATTEND church, that would be ridiculous and I don't know why I am so worried. I mean, I don't think differently of her although I don't want to attend church and she does.
So, here's my question, more to the point. The most recent invitation asked me if I'd given any thought to taking her up on her invitation. My options, I guess, are to continue to dodge the issue or just say to her that we don't attend. I can't tell her that I have another church, because, well, it would be a lie.
Any suggestions of how to say it without seeming offended by the invitation? I am not at all offended, just a little uncomfortable with the repeated invitations, I guess.
"Thank you for the invitation but I really am not interested in attending. Please don't keep inviting me, I value our friendship and it makes me feel a bit awkward to decline. Would you like to meet for lunch on Wednesday at _______?"
If the relationship goes south after stating your feelings clearly and respectfully....it is not worth investing in.
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~ Mari
Perfection is not possible in this life, but persistence is.
I would just tell her you aren't interested and thank her. Maybe because you have thanked her and not really said "no" she thinks you are maybe considering it? If she continues despite that *then* I would go into letting her know it's making you uncomfortable, etc. I'd be annoyed by now too and I do go to church. I hate to be bugged (nagged) repeatedly about anything.
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~*~Tiffany~*~
"Receive the children with reverence.
Educate them in love.
Send them forth in freedom."
~Rudolf Steiner
Thanks, mamas. I know it sounds like it would be cut and dried, but it's such a culture shock for me to be surrounded with churches on every corner. Honestly, I had friends that went to church growing up and as an adult in California, but they never bugged me about it, I really never knew what church they went to or anything like that. It just didn't usually come up. I always figured that people realized that if I wanted to be there, I would...especially after several invitations. This is someone I do like, though, so I don't want to alienate her. All of your suggestions are great and I will talk to her about it this week.
When this happened w/ us w/ our neighbor, I just told her I wasn't interested. Sadly, a few weeks later she had her DD come over and ask if we wanted to go to a social thing there. I thought that was a little underhanded, but I just said no thank you and they haven't asked since. I thought it would be the end of any friendship, but it hasn't come up again.
Haha Barb. Honestly, I don't even like the sound of saying anything about "organized religion", because then we sound like "anti-religion" and it's just not that black and white, kwim? Plus, I do know that there are people who suddenly form judgements about people based on their religious (or non) preference when they previously thought they were great, so I guess that's my worry. FTR, I am not "anti-religion", I choose not to attend church. It doesn't really mean anything about my personality OR my beliefs, not everyone who is spiritual or religious attends church, and honestly, some of the most spiritually faithful people I have met do not.
well, for me spirituality and church are two seperate things. I honestly believe that you can be a very spiritual person and never step foot inside a church. If pushed I would explain that I believe religion is a very personal thing, and at this point in time, I don't feel led to attend a church-- I practice my religion in my own way, at home.
heather\
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Heather , mama to Liam, born 12-19-01, and Simon, born 04-17-05 wife to Mark, married 09-23-97
St. Louis is largely Catholic and everyone sizes you up based on what parish you live in. Even home listings include the name of the parish. It was serious culture shock for me because I couldn't answer, lol. They also want to know which high school you went to. You get the brush off if you are from out of state, lol. Anyway, as to your original question, I would politely decline with a "thank you for the invitations but we aren't looking for a church at this time, but thanks for thinking of me". Only add information if it continues.
What I've always done in the past when someone is getting overbearing about religion is to tell them that we are trying to raise our children w/out any one specific religious indoctrination so they can choose freely as *adults* what religion (if any) they choose.
That is what I've done in the past.
Or just tell them we are raising our children interfaith and are not going to commit to any one church or religion.
We have since found a local church denomination we are comfortable attending off and on.....but it is not the church where all the young families are going. This may offend some, but we have partly decided to affiliate with a local church becuase it honestly makes life easier in a rural area if you look "normal" and like everyone else by being affiliated with a church group. I will never buy into 100% any one religion.....but affiliating with one publically makes life easier when you live in a community like we do.
I guess this way, our family has the best of both worlds. We remain interfaith but are affiliated with a local Episcopal church.
HTH, it is a tough position to be in. Religion and politics are such horrible topics to get pulled into.
Michelle
__________________ "If it (salvation) is based solely on following rules, then it isn't grace via faith in Jesus Christ"
Originally posted by Erin D. Mama Haha Barb. Honestly, I don't even like the sound of saying anything about "organized religion", because then we sound like "anti-religion" and it's just not that black and white, kwim? Plus, I do know that there are people who suddenly form judgements about people based on their religious (or non) preference when they previously thought they were great, so I guess that's my worry. FTR, I am not "anti-religion", I choose not to attend church. It doesn't really mean anything about my personality OR my beliefs, not everyone who is spiritual or religious attends church, and honestly, some of the most spiritually faithful people I have met do not.
lol. we are Christians , and aren't into "organized religion" haha We believe in home churches, but can't find one.
I would just say you do not attend church and aren't interested
I have run into this so many times. I dodge the issue for awhile and then generally say something like
It's not something I'm looking to do right now but I know if I ever change my mind, I can approach you about it.
If it doesn't stop then I stop hanging out with them. I've had to do that twice....but both of their churches were of the mind that they had to continue to convert non believers so it wasn't ever going to stop. I was really sad about one mom who this happened with. Her daughter had the same syndrome as my son except that she was doing really poorly and needed a lot of info and guidance to get things back on track. I was the only person she knew who could provide that but when I showed up once and all of her church friends were there to 'help me' I realized I was in over my head and needed to cut the tie.
I am of another faith but anytime I've said that I am happy in my current faith I get lectured on the dowfalls of it.
It is an akward thing to handle. Good luck!
Jenn
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Jenn, mama to Nicholas and Jacob. Blessed to have been so loved by Peter.
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