amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

~Desiree · 08-11-2005, 01:59 PM

I guess what I mean is, does he understand or care? Or maybe it's not the stash game, maybe it is your sewing addiction or fabric addiction? Tom calls it my "little hobby" as if it's not important , and it pisses me off to no end!

Maybe I'm just in a lousy mood cause Tom and I got into a HUGE relationship arguement on his way out the door. He left for work out of town and won't be back till later next week.

I was thinking about all the "little" things that bother me, and remembering back to the last stash game. Remembering how his attitude was like "well if you ask me, it sounds really stupid, what's the point..." (Not that he said that, but that's kinda how I felt "HE" felt about it......)

So, does your dh care, understand, participate, help you participate? Or is he like mine and not give a flying "insert whatever you like here"

Insensitive, sums it all up in one word. Off to listen to Jan Arden's Insensitive and drown in my sorrow.....

Tuesday · 08-11-2005, 02:16 PM

OMG that's what Nick calls my sewing too...my "Little Hobby"...he uses that exact phrase...little hobby...now, having said that...he does support me, I think because he knows if I don't have *something* to do that is rewarding for me I'll turn into a raving lunatic from being 100% submersed in taking care of him, the kids, the house, and having nothing for me...He's supportive of me wanting to have a store (even if it doesn't do much ROFL...because I don't have time to make it do much)...but he doesn't understand...he really has no idea why I love fabric so much, why I need to buy it, touch it, smell it...fold it, refold it...ROFL!

I've never done the stash game before...but I fancy he'll LOVE it since it'll mean using what I have, rather than buying more (which he TRULY doesn't get). LOL

Oh, and ((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs hugs hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))) it sucks to have an argument right before someone is leaving...it feels like a 'loose end' for the whole time they're gone :/ btdt

But, since he's gone for a week, you can spend all your time hanging out here with us :P

mum2conor · 08-11-2005, 02:25 PM

dh is exactly the opposite. I am really lucky. He is involved in my sewing and picks out fabric etc.

Of course that also means he constantly wants me to make hime stuff or worse, he wants to use my machines. :0

~Desiree · 08-11-2005, 02:28 PM

Yeah but Tom only calls it that to be mean I guess. He knows it gets to me, that's why he says it....

Let me say this before anyone jumps to conclusions, Tom is a good man, doesn't hit me, doesn't drink, doesn't cheat, doesn't go out all night with his buddies....but he was raised by an insensitive family and just has such a lousy outlook on life. Always feeling untrusting and like life and everyone in it is out to get him.

He can just really be a downer 90% of the time and you would think after 5 years I would just be used to it or over it. (He wasn't this way when we met! I would never have dated the person he is now...lol) I would have ran far far away....lol

I'm really thining he may be manic depressive, but there is no way he would go get tested or help or counseling....no way. He is just a bummer to be around most of the time, but hides it really well when around others. Guess that's what he did to snag me....lol

Anyway, not trying to whine, just let off a bit of steam I guess. MEN, sometimes I think the world would be better without them.

Tuesday · 08-11-2005, 02:36 PM

Awwww, I'm sorry hon...Nick is very insensitive sometimes too...particularly earlier in our marriage...they don't understand the need for sensitivity, understanding, they aren't mean, just frank LOL..they think everything can be better by 'willing' yourself into happiness (which was a major MAJOR sore spot for all of us involved when I was diagnosed PPD with Olivia

).Nick has this untrusting nature too when it comes to those outside the family, and expects MUCH MORE out of people than he should, so he gets easily frustrated with those around him...he's a perfectionist and has OCD's....so that makes for some emotional pain for myself (and him too) ....but, the last few years have really been better in that dept...he has softened, and become more atune to my needs (emotionally) and is so different, but at 5 years...we definately were still working toward getting on the same page...so hopefully your DH will soften too over time!! I know how frustrating it can be though...so I'm sorry you have to deal with it :/

jeni · 08-11-2005, 05:12 PM

My husband always has the attitude that I can do what I want, but family comes first. What this means is, I can do what I want, but don't inconvenience him or the kids, and don't make (or leave) a big mess. Well, this is inconvenient, leaves a big mess, and takes time away from them, but is practical. And as long as it's practical I am okay but get to hear some complaints. Other things I do aren't so practical, and are a problem. Sometimes I do think that he may be a little jealous because I have a creative outlet, and he is still searching for his. It would really depend on what day you asked him how he felt as to what he would respond.

heather4285 · 08-11-2005, 08:09 PM

my dh doesn't really have any hobbies like i do. i sew, read, do scrapbooking (though not as much as i would like LOL) he is great about it. he doesn't complain about the money i spend or the time-usually-he knows it is for a good cause. but i try to be very responsible about it, too.
he doesn't really understand the whole internet thing. he likes that i sew and anything that keeps me from spending money and getting rid of fabric is a good thing in his eyes

LOL, but the whole game thing is not something he really gets.

Shari · 08-12-2005, 12:17 PM

The only thing my dh "gets" about the stash game is that it's designed to prevent me from buying fabric for a whole month. So in that aspect he's all for it! He also likes that it's about fabric reduction, sew as much as I can, reduce what's taking up his closet space. He likes that idea too.

I guess I'm really pretty lucky because he's very supportive of my addiction. He understands it's an outlet for me and knows it's cheaper than therapy, so he's good about allowing me time to sew. I don't think I'm saying that right, because it's not like I need permission, but he's good about taking the kids for a bit or helping to set aside some time for me to sew when I *really* need it.

I'm sorry your dh isn't more supportive. I used to joke with my dh that at least it kept me at home and out of the bar.

I never was one to hang out in bars, but it made him see my point.

jo · 08-12-2005, 02:22 PM

I'm lucky in that I have been together with dh since we were kids (15 yo) and I've been sewing the whole time so he knows it's WAY more than a hobby. That said, I think it's a respect issue: if it's important to you then he could at least just be respectful in his addressing the subject.

~jo