amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

bhargavi · 08-19-2005, 12:15 AM

my daughter was born at 25 weeks in december 2003. i pumped for 4 months and she received breastmilk exclusively for those 4 months. unfortunately, due to stress and whatnot, my supply dried up and we had to switch her to a high-calorie formula. she is now 20 months old and on Pediasure (she has failure to thrive). while i regret not being able to breastfeed her longer (hell, at all! all i did was pump!), i do not regret giving her formula. she is a relatively healthy (she is a preemie, after all), extremely happy, and definitely thriving toddler! i hope to meet some other natural mamas who couldn't BF. i feel like i'm alone most of the time.

bhargavi

notamos · 08-26-2005, 05:08 PM

You're definitely not alone. Molly was only 3 weeks early but with her underdeveloped sucking (massiter?) muscles and my puny supply she's been on formula since almost the beginning. When she was born she was 6 lbs. 5 oz. and when I took her in for her 1 week checkup she was down to 5 lbs. 7 oz.! I felt like the world's biggest failure when the doctor handed me that tub of powdered formula, and even worse when even the sad dribbles I managed to produce with a pump dried up a month later.

I keep reminding myself that the big goal isn't to be the super-crunchiest-granola-mom ever, it's to raise a healthy, happy baby. Molly's thriving on formula, no tummy problems and she's growing like crazy. And my husband says he's kind of glad she bottle feeds, he loves curling up with her on the sofa and feeding her, getting quiet time with just the two of them.

There are still times I feel like I failed the first big Momma-Test (well, the second I guess. The first was getting her delivered safely), especially when people ask me if I breastfeed and I see that flicker of disapproval in their eyes when I say she's a bottle baby. I feel like I have to justify myself, run through the litany of reasons. It's foolish maybe--obviously Molly's doing great on formula, so who's business is it anyway?--but I'm still apologetic about it. Hopefully there'll come a day when I can just say, 'Nope, she's a formula kind of gal,' and leave it at that.

In the meantime I just keep my eyes out for formula coupons and any time I start beating myself up about it I go get myself some drooly Mollykisses to make it all better.