Speaking of critical and judgemental... How's that working for you?
Let us uplift each other. What do you dream of doing? How would you like to help the world? How can the world make this sustainable for you?
Beautiful.
Thank You!
Love,
Dana
I do not understand you! You make a snarky sarcastic remark, then follow it with a request to uplift one another!
Its not inappropriate for people to ask for clarification imo.
The way you worded your post is confusing to me. paid friendship!? If you are concerned for people in your area not getting support around polyamory why not start a support group? Or be clear that you are offering support/counseling services. Paid friendship sounds sketchy to me!!
__________________
Jennifer
Webb(20) Rebecca(17) joe(11)
Hopefully, I've extracted from it a shred of betterment for my business; contemplating changing my official title to "consultant"...looking for more feedback/information before I decide.
Dana
well , as I have had the title of consultant before, I would be more than happy to give you my knowledge and advice to help your situation.
for only $10 - I do take paypal-both funded and cc.
No, I won't be spending more time reading forums here...It doesn't appeal to me, actually.
I have a life outside of the internet that is full of people who are loving and supportive and give feedback (yes, even unsolicited or negative feedback) without judgement, criticism, and condemnation.
Sorry to see Amitymama so overrun with negative energy...
*sigh*
Thanks, Storm, for the suggestion!
Dana
Seriously,
Let me get this straight you come here and friendship for hire. When we question you on your poorly chosen wording, you get offended and rude. Then when the suggestion is made to *actually* get involved in the forums and become an active part of this community you have the balls to say we are negative and you don't want any part of this community.
really, really
__________________
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Robin wife to one awesome guy for 19 years,
mama to four beautiful boys
I think that you may consider the need to be careful in the type of work that you do and education is something that could be helpful as being a professional friend likely defines a dual relationship with a client. There are very real personal, emotional, and potentially legal consequences (not because you are doing anything wrong, but because a dual relationship increases the potential that your client may sue). Clear boundaries in such work are not just something that professional counselors do because of any overseeing body imposing an unnecessary ethics code, but because it ultimately protects you. There are reasons why counselors/therapists/psychologists/etc. not only avoid sex with clients, but dual relationships.
This is a huge point to consider. The legal fact of offering any service for payment is that you open yourself up to litigation for all sorts of things. If one of your "friends" was in a relationship that went south for what they perceive as misguided direction or support from you (even if they completely misinterpreted what you said and did the opposite) you are liable to be sued if they are inclined. General waivers only protect you so much and don't take out your liabilities. It is why when I taught birth classes and did doula work that I carried full liability insurance. If someone in my class decided that an outcome of their birth was in any way due to an idea they hatched in my class I could be held liable. Liability coverage isn't just about having a bank to pay out on claims, it is about having a legal support team to fight claims. Without it you are in the wind. By making your professional support relationship personal by attaching "friendship" to it you are crossing many ethical boundaries that are not put in place by some finger wagging entity, but for the better practice of consulting, guiding, coaching, counseling, whatever you want to call it.
It is this very reason why I wouldn't even hire a real friend to be my Personal Assistant. It would be too difficult to keep the boundaries of employer/employee separate in such an intimate position. (not a professional PA, but one for helping me due to my disability. A care giver.) Now I am grateful that I feel very friendly and kind towards my PA, but our primary relationship is employer/employee and we keep completely separate social and personal lives outside of the time she is working for me. The same applied with my birth class clients and my doula clients. Even if we had a prior relationship as friends I had to make very clear boundaries as to the scope of my services on a professional basis. It is a very different relationship.
I don't know if you are still reading since you have made it clear unless we are only providing feedback that you want to hear, or paying you $15/hr for something you aren't interested in what we have to say, but if you are, please step back from the attack you are reading into the criticism and try to hear what is being said here. You are working from a huge assumption that critical commentary is made from a place of judgment about your polyamory, yet knowing the people who have participated on this thread, that is the absolute furthest thing from their mind. The only way that your polyamory plays into the discussion is that combining "polyamory" and "friend" does lend itself to innuendo of sexual activity. It is that aspect (the heavy potential for presumed innuendo) that raises people's eyebrows and gives the pause to consider what you are actually offering. If you were indeed offering sexual favors, the yes, polyamorous or otherwise I believe that would be looked down on by many. But that is not the case. We have no reason to doubt your sincerity when you clarified this point. But if a group of relatively fair minded people has the confusion over your ad, imagine what the public at large is going to think? Trust me that if you place your add as it is currently worded on Craigslist you will be at the very least approached by some real lowlifes if not pursued for suspicion of solicitation.
Whether or not I think your service is a viable business model or not has no bearing on my commentary. It is solely on looking at the potential problems, as anyone going into business should consider. It isn't personal, so don't take it personally. - I have no personal stake in anything you do. I am not your friend, paid or unpaid. Simply someone with some knowledge, experience and advice to offer. Take it or leave it, but don't pick up a chip to carry in the process.
__________________
Katie ~
Me and 2 of my 3 girls at the Sacre Coeur, Paris August 2009
I find it very sad that there are those out there who do not have any real friends and feel the need to "buy" them.
I also find it very sad that there are those out there who take advantage of these kinds of people and will take their money and pretend to be their friend.
Now I'm off to go make muffins for a REAL friend of mine and I'm not even going to charge her for the ingredients.
__________________
Ann
SAHM to 4 beautiful children Lauren ('90), Nicole ('92), Robert ('00) and Joanna ('02) and wife to Bob for 23 years.
No, I won't be spending more time reading forums here...It doesn't appeal to me, actually.
Hrm... so actually becoming friends with some of us isn't appealing, but charging us for "true friendship" is.
I feel nothing but pity for you. I can't imagine what it would be like to not understand friendship - and to be so far out of touch with reality as to feel that those who DO understand friendship are "filled with negative energy". You've been condescending, insulting and rude - and you're arrogant enough to assume that "friendship" with you is worth paying for.
I hope that someday you find peace and love, understand true friendship - and that it's something that must be given freely, not cheapened by requiring payment for services rendered. I hope you're able to figure out how to support your 'business' without sounding like you're prostituting yourself.
Until then.. I'm sure we'll all move out of your way so you're able to exit this community. Since it doesn't appeal to you and all.
and, as far as the business goes.. talk to community colleges. We had an honors 'social problems' class - we had a prostitute come speak, a Native American, took a trip to a jail, etc. Perhaps there'd be something similar that might be interested in having a discussion topic about polyamory.
Note to all, please don't judge polyamorous persons based on this one! Hee!
Also, there are support groups for poly in almost every state (I help run the one in Utah). There are national websites for poly support and places where you can meet poly friends. All for free. Not sure why I would feel any kind of need to pay someone to talk to me about poly unless they were a licensed therapist and I were having issues in a relationship.
I feel pretty weird about someone charging for something that I have worked so hard to provide people for free.
Just some centseses.
__________________ Rachel ~ WOHM, Married to lovely SAHD since 12/29/07, Mom to beautiful daughter Margali born 02/19/08
Also, there are support groups for poly in almost every state (I help run the one in Utah). There are national websites for poly support and places where you can meet poly friends. All for free. Not sure why I would feel any kind of need to pay someone to talk to me about poly unless they were a licensed therapist and I were having issues in a relationship.
I agree. I can't help feeling that from the obscure wording of the post that maybe its an ad to solicit more than friendship. I mean, it totally may not be - it could just be the way I'm reading it, but the cutesy way that she says that her mom wants her to clarify that its not for sexual services almost has a "nudge-nudge-wink-wink" air to it.
I think a free support system is more authentic and has the potential for people to build real friendships and community around a shared lifestyle.
I thought the original post might have something to do with sexual services too. The fact that it had to be clarified that it didn't, made me think it even more. The ad makes me think of an escort service and all the escort services I've heard of have revolved around sexual things.
Paid friendship isn't real friendship. A friend doesn't ask for payment when you call and ask for advice, or charge you by the minutes of her time you take up. When my car stalled a few years ago and I called a good friend, she dropped everything, piled her kids into the car and came over to jump-start my car for me. She didn't hand me a bill when she was done being a good friend. If I knew she would, I wouldn't have considered her a "friend" but a "paid associate" (like AAA or the tow truck man), and I might have thought twice about whether or not I could afford to call her. I think the idea of paid friendship is ridiculous, and truly does take advantage of those who don't have friends. If you see a need in the world for friendless people, go and make friends. Give friendship to those who don't have it, but don't ask for money in return for that friendship, or it no longer qualifies as "friendship".
I will repeat, because my gratitude seems to be lost in all the muck, that I am grateful for all the thorough, loving, unsolicited, and solicited feedback I have received in this thread.
And, many respondents to this thread have sought to attack me...don't hear that I'm offended, but understand that this is not "appeal"ing to me. I don't recall amitymama being so populated with vitriolics in the past and it need not offend anyone that this is my subjective observation.
I haven't heard judgment of polyamory from the mamas here.
My personal opinion is that it is very appropriate to promise personalized good will (friendship) as a polyamory consultant (love and friendship *is* what polyamory is all about, contrary to popular belief that polyamory is about sex with multiple partners...many polyamorous people, including myself at this time, are happiest with one or fewer lovers) and I will continue to use the business name "Your Polyamorous Friend" while clarifying that I charge for my services as a "consultant".
Especially because I'm using the "consultant" title, I can take off the silly (though some have given the feedback that its charming) tidbit that my mother requested I add about "sexual favors". From my honest personal perspective it is a ridiculous clarification and yet, she's my mother and I was willing to humor her, knowing that she's not the only person in the world that hears "polyamory" and thinks "sex!".
The thing I said about receiving judgment (look, I took off the "e"!) regarding my presumed age and other stuff...I was attempting at the time to clarify that multiple threads at multiple forums have come back with judgmental feedback, and not trying to say that each kind of judgment was being presented at amity.
If I seem offended, imagine, if you will, that I'm not.
I can take the good, leave the bad, and assess for the future as to whether or not I want to advertise and engage with amitymamas (and may even feel sad in a passing moment of attachment to being supported at amity) without being offended.
And one last clarification: The comment "how's that working for you?" is intended as sincere [unsolicited feedback], not "snarky"...though I can understand that it was interpreted that way and will probably refrain from typing it out again when someone can't hear my tone of voice or get my body language! Another lesson to me that unsolicited feedback is, for most people most of the time, even when they themselves are giving it, hard to receive.
Thanks Again Mamas!
Love,
Dana McGuire
edited to correct a typo
__________________
Dana
Mama to Egon Zap, 3.5 yo
and Dagny Bloom
Last edited by mamatochubchub : 10-06-2009 at 03:19 AM.
friendship for hire. When we question you on your poorly chosen wording, you get offended and rude. Then when the suggestion is made to *actually* get involved in the forums and become an active part of this community you have the balls to say we are negative and you don't want any part of this community. 
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