Mamas with Teens and PreteensOh dear- the eye rolling, the attitude, the whines of 'OH MOM'... hormones? just a phase? being a teen is tough- being the mama of one is tougher...
naking..... i have a question. i was under the impression that if you sex anytime after ovulation, the egg does/can be fertilized. the only reason that you are more fertile at ovulation is that the egg needs 10 days to implant. so, you could have sex 5 days before your period and the egg could be fertilized, but it would not be on the right path towards implatation (timing wise it would have missed its chance). in other words, fertilized eggs not implanting is a common and natural occurance.
now, i am fine with someone finding a source to disprove that. but that was always my basic understanding from my course work on human biology and a&p.
the egg *can* be fertilized and often is w/o you ever knowing it. i'm not sure what your point is --- it happening as a natural occurence is --- well, natural -- me manipulating my body to prevent it from implanting is me making certain that a baby doesn't result from the fertilized egg is not natural.
Once this thread strayed from the intent of what HAVE you done (fact) to what SHOULD people do (opinion) it was doomed.
I just really wish it could've stayed helpful and positive and fact based (what DID you do, what HAVE you said) rather than proselytizing (what SHOULD other people tell their teens because you, as the parent of young children, don't have teens of your own to tell).
Is there any value in hearing not only from parents of teens but from parents who WERE teens as well? I mean, I think that hearing about what did and did not work might be really helpful. And we have mamas here who were very recently teens - or even are now!
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Kas - Why do you so strongly believe that the other mothers here do not know their children as well as you know yours? Why do you always try to position yourself as the one who "gets it", while considering everyone else here to be out of touch and unrealistic? And why are other people's expectations for their children considered close minded and even stupid? The assumption that those of us with younger children can't have a valid response to questions regarding older kids is insane.
such an intelligent question! will be looking for kas's answer.
Well, let me tell you WHAT I DID DO, when I was 17, which was... um, 12 years ago. LOL I met my husband in high school when I was 17 and he was sexually active at the time, I was not. His parents did the whole "talk" and gave him a box of condoms and all that. Within a few months of meeting, we were sexually active and I think that box sat in his dresser drawer the entire time. We rarely used condoms and we were both "smart" "good" kids. When I look back at it now, I can't believe we weren't more careful! I am more careful now getting close to 30, having been married for 10 years and having two kids than I was back then. I think this is just a really tough place to be.
as far as dealing with parents "like me"...how about you thank me later for saving your 17yo kid from getting his gf pregnant in his senior year of high school? i think a big fat thank you will be enough instead of criticism.
I won't need to thank you. I will parent my own children. I will take care of their needs. I will ensure their safety. I will not rely on parents like you. If I do run into a parent like you I assure you that I will take my own actions and my child would never be in your house again.
So no thank you to be given. Sorry you aren't a hero.
rather than proselytizing (what SHOULD other people tell their teens because you, as the parent of young children, don't have teens of your own to tell).
then move it off the market board into the mamas of teens -- or just label the post for mamas of teens ONLY.
really, if something is on the market board, chances are it's going to be read by a wide variety of mamas. and when a subject like teens and sex is brought up, it's going to get a WIDE variety of replies.
so back off your high horse and don't read if you don't want to.
the egg *can* be fertilized and often is w/o you ever knowing it. i'm not sure what your point is --- it happening as a natural occurence is --- well, natural -- me manipulating my body to prevent it from implanting is me making certain that a baby doesn't result from the fertilized egg is not natural.
I disagree with you there. I don't think it is anymore manipulative than refraining from sex. Unless you are quiverful, I think it is pretty much the same thing.
Is there any value in hearing not only from parents of teens but from parents who WERE teens as well? I mean, I think that hearing about what did and did not work might be really helpful. And we have mamas here who were very recently teens - or even are now!
But that thread has been done. A couple times. I really wanted to hear what other current parents of teens have done and said.
Frankly, when you don't yet have teens, your opinion about raising teens today is about as useful as advice about babies from a non-parents. When I was in my 20's with young children I had a LOT of opinions about how my mother had raised me, what she should've done. Then once I had teens of my own, I understood a LOT more about reality.
then move it off the market board into the mamas of teens -- or just label the post for mamas of teens ONLY.
really, if something is on the market board, chances are it's going to be read by a wide variety of mamas. and when a subject like teens and sex is brought up, it's going to get a WIDE variety of replies.
so back off your high horse and don't read if you don't want to.
The OP specifically asked the mother of teens what they have done.
And to the high horse comment. I don't think I'm the one on a high horse.
Kas - Why do you so strongly believe that the other mothers here do not know their children as well as you know yours? Why do you always try to position yourself as the one who "gets it", while considering everyone else here to be out of touch and unrealistic? And why are other people's expectations for their children considered close minded and even stupid?
You are my hero and you said it so much better than I could have.
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George W. Bush
January 2, 2005
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At first I was really concerned about Kas handing out condoms to other people's children but then I got to thinking about it. If you keep an open dialogue with your kids and approach the sex issue openly then YOUR kids won't be the ones partaking in the condoms being handed out by Kas. Sadly, there are way more parents out there who, for various reasons, don't/can't/won't discuss these issues with their children. It is those children who would benefit from an open minded mama like Kas. What I'm saying is, you probably don't have to worry about it since you have an open relationship with your kids. Sure, it would be distressing if it was your child not coming to you, but that's because your child can come to you, lol. Am I making any sense? I'd bet that the kids coming to Kas are largely the ones who don't have anywhere else to go.
And as for latex allergy, most people know well before their teen years that they have a latex allergy or sensitivity. Latex is everywhere and in lots of everyday products. It's hidden everywhere, ask me how I know, lol. I doubt anyone who is making a conscious decision to be sexually active would be unaware of an allergy.
For the first part...whether somebody has to worry about it or not what she's doing isn't still not right. I bet kids going to Kas never have to bother even thinking about going to mom and dad....why bother when the goods are easily accessible there?
And the second part...known allergy or not there could still be a lawsuit. Everyone knows that coffee is hot yet McDonald's had to pay out their rears because of it.
I disagree with you there. I don't think it is anymore manipulative than refraining from sex. Unless you are quiverful, I think it is pretty much the same thing.
then don't call it manipulative. i do. if i do something intentionally to alter a circumstance, in my vocabulary, i am manipulating it. perhaps in your vocab that is different.
and in my life, intentionally abstaining when i am ovulating would be manipulative as well.
dont they supply condoms for free other places anyhow? Like a planned parenthood type of place? I know some schools they were giving them away.
Not that I think its right.. but I dont see much difference in kas giving them away or going to school to get them for free. Or a PP. They are all the same condoms. I mean, PP doesn't have any higher grade of condoms than you get at the store.
I wouldn't do it, but I would rather have my children have means to get condoms if they need it than not use one at all.
Yes you can get them other places for free such as PP. The thing is at PP there is a very good chance the child will get a small education on STD, pregnancy and such to go along with that little piece of latex. At Kas's house they get some rubbers and off they go. They don't get anything else. They don't even have a place to go if something happens and they need some medication attention. At PP they can set up a relationship there that in the long run could lead to them not using the condoms or being safe or getting help if in trouble. Kas in no way is the same as PP.
So it's not about the little piece of latex but the education that comes with it.
rather than proselytizing (what SHOULD other people tell their teens because you, as the parent of young children, don't have teens of your own to tell).
Uh so if we have small kids we shouldn't participate in these conversations because we can't make plans and decisions about what we are going to do when they are older? Never mind the fact that I was a teen. It really wasn't that long ago either. I also have brothers who are younger. Sure when my kids are older some things will be different however I don't have to be there yet to assure anyone that my children will have me in their lives, I will ensure that I have made it clear to them that I will not judge their decision and will help keep them safe (not saying I'm not going to push my own agenda as much as I can). I feel I can will certainty say that I know what I would do in as much of a general way as parents with teenagers can say it.
to the high horse comment. I don't think I'm the one on a high horse.
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