amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

Vanity Fair · 05-07-2007, 01:43 PM

I think that the difference is that if my child is embarrassed to go buy condoms or get them for free somewhere, they should ask ME. That should be OUR teaching/bonding/learning moment, and my kids will know they can always talk to me, even if they choose not to, but I feel like if a mama was just giving them out, no questions asked, no discussion about the risks of sex outside of just pregnancy (don't assume they know all of this), and what my expectations are as far as respecting my house and rules with regards to sex, things like that, I would feel like my child and I were deprived of that bonding and understanding if someone else on the block, who my kids might trust as a mom was giving it out, no discussion, no questions asked.

Do I want that mama to talk to my kids? NO. I want that mama to suggest to my kids that they talk to me...and because there aren't any taboo topics in our family, they can do that. But I want to know if my child is sexually active.

mamajandtheboys · 05-07-2007, 01:54 PM

man, cheryl, faith and luke look *so* much alike!!!

kas · 05-07-2007, 02:00 PM

my basket full'o condoms will never move. i believe in it, that strongly.

sure, i've tried talking to one parent (actually, two now that i think of it, and sadly, it's not something other parents feel secure or comfortable in discussing-especially if it's their dd who is having sex with my ds). this is when i made the basket available. it's been MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE that parents do NOT WANT TO KNOW their teen is sexually active, and they'd rather be ignorant & left in the dark.

phone calls, um, yeah, or i wouldn't have posted that i got them. i don't need to lie about this bs, believe me. the pp here is over an hr away, and there's nobody who can go that far with the price of gas, so i make my basket available to anyone who wants what's in it.

as far as dealing with parents "like me"...how about you thank me later for saving your 17yo kid from getting his gf pregnant in his senior year of high school? i think a big fat thank you will be enough instead of criticism.

as for being the "cool mom". my kids think i'm a big dork, so someone please let them know that i am the "cool mom", would ya?

Sara · 05-07-2007, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CincoDeMama

my basket full'o condoms will never move. i believe in it, that strongly.

sure, i've tried talking to one parent (actually, two now that i think of it, and it's sadly, not something other parents feel secure or comfortable in discussing-especially if it's their dd who is having sex with my ds). this is when i made the basket available. it's been MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE that parents do NOT WANT TO KNOW their teen is sexually active, and they'd rather be ignorant & left in the dark.

phone calls, um, yeah, or i wouldn't have posted that i got them. i don't need to lie about this bs, believe me. the pp here is over an hr away, and there's nobody who can go that far with the price of gas, so i make my basket available to anyone who wants what's in it.

as far as dealing with parents "like me"...how about you thank me later for saving your 17yo kid from getting his gf pregnant in his senior year of high school? i think a big fat thank you will be enough instead of criticism.

as for being the "cool mom". my kids think i'm a big dork, so someone please let them know that i am the "cool mom", would ya?

ah , but are you instructing them how to use them properly?

isn't there like quite a big failure rate for condoms? or was that some bs they told us in High School?

momof2boys1girl · 05-07-2007, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sara

isn't there like quite a big failure rate for condoms? or was that some bs they told us in High School?

I can not take bc pills and dh has insisted on us not getting preg. and we use condoms and have never had an opps w them. Being on the pill or using the pull out method and having an opps now that is a different story lol.

MommyTo4 · 05-07-2007, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4littlemonkeys

Having condoms in a basket near the door for your own kids is fine.

Having a condom at the door for other kids who are not 18 or older...not such a nice idea. It really doesn't make you the cool mom.

It makes you the mom that other mothers dread dealing with. It makes you the mother that other mothers don't want their kids being around.

You can be the cool mom to your kids and their friends without crossing lines such as providing alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, BC. I would never provide birth control for children other then my own. Sure they will use it with somebody else but I will only put it in the hands of my kids.

I don't think any parent has any right to provide BC for other children. If my kids were friends with your kids we would have a problem.

I cringe for the parents of the children who are getting BC like this. It's not the least bit appropriate.

You get another ditto from me.

Soggy Granola · 05-07-2007, 02:34 PM

At first I was really concerned about Kas handing out condoms to other people's children but then I got to thinking about it. If you keep an open dialogue with your kids and approach the sex issue openly then YOUR kids won't be the ones partaking in the condoms being handed out by Kas. Sadly, there are way more parents out there who, for various reasons, don't/can't/won't discuss these issues with their children. It is those children who would benefit from an open minded mama like Kas. What I'm saying is, you probably don't have to worry about it since you have an open relationship with your kids. Sure, it would be distressing if it was your child not coming to you, but that's because your child can come to you, lol. Am I making any sense? I'd bet that the kids coming to Kas are largely the ones who don't have anywhere else to go.

Here in the midwest there IS NO planned parenthood, lol. At least not here in Saint Louis. Birthright has a hold here but I wouldn't even go there for a pregnancy test since they are awfully, for lack of a better word, preachy since they are a Catholic organization. I'm not saying they are a bad place and don't help lots of people, but they made me uncomfortable and I was a married adult, lol. I can't imagine going in there as a sexually active teenager.

And as for latex allergy, most people know well before their teen years that they have a latex allergy or sensitivity. Latex is everywhere and in lots of everyday products. It's hidden everywhere, ask me how I know, lol. I doubt anyone who is making a conscious decision to be sexually active would be unaware of an allergy.

And one last thing, I wonder which came first, the genetic tendency to be sexually active at a young age or the media condoning it. Media certainly plays a role in the behaviors of our children, but our bodies are ready to procreate SO YOUNG. If that were not the case then women wouldn't start their periods in their teens and young boys wouldn't have viable sperm, kwim? It's our culture that says sex at a young age is less than desirable, the media that glorifies it, and our bodies that drive the controvery, lol. Other cultures don't share the same beliefs. It does seem pretty silly to tell a hormone-infested

teenager to not follow those signals. That's not to say that we should encourage young people to be active, lol, just that it's not completely ridiculous to see why this is an issue in our society.

OnTheBrink · 05-07-2007, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by byumommy

Just wanted to add that I think its only fair to let your children know (especially females) that the birth control pill (and implants, Depo & rings) are all abortifacient*. I did not know this when I went on the pill at age 21. I still grieve the loss of the babies I inadvertently killed during the years I was on the pill & Depo.

*Hormonal birth control doesn't always prevent ovulation. Its secondary "line of defense" is preventing implantation, therefore the baby is aborted. This happens more than most people think it does.

Just something to add into the conversation since we are being honest with our children. Not to mention that hormonal birth control offers ZERO protection from STDs. The Pill offers a false sense of safety for too many teens.

I agree completely. I think it's SO important that women (and men they are involved with) know the truth about this. It's not a matter of saying it's good or bad. I just think it's really important that people know the possible results of their actions rather than blindly making a huge move.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4littlemonkeys

I have to comment...

Having condoms in a basket near the door for your own kids is fine.

Having a condom at the door for other kids who are not 18 or older...not such a nice idea. It really doesn't make you the cool mom.

It makes you the mom that other mothers dread dealing with. It makes you the mother that other mothers don't want their kids being around.

You can be the cool mom to your kids and their friends without crossing lines such as providing alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, BC. I would never provide birth control for children other then my own. Sure they will use it with somebody else but I will only put it in the hands of my kids.

I don't think any parent has any right to provide BC for other children. If my kids were friends with your kids we would have a problem.

I cringe for the parents of the children who are getting BC like this. It's not the least bit appropriate.

I agree with that. I don't think it would be appropriate for me to give my kids' friends condoms, beer, cigarettes, religious texts, rated R movies, porn magazines and the like. These are all things that are invidual and family choices - not casual acquaintance choices.

Kas, do you let parents know that this is an option at your house? I hope you do. In the same way that I expect to be told if my 6 year old is visiting a house with a pool or a large dog or a gun, I'd want to know if my older kid is visiting a house with a freebie condom basket.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vanity Fair

IMO, a "cool mom" would come talk to another mom about what's going on with the kids...now THAT is cool.

Yeppers!

Quote:

Originally Posted by CincoDeMama

it's been MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE that parents do NOT WANT TO KNOW their teen is sexually active, and they'd rather be ignorant & left in the dark.

But you should let the parent make that call. Please never assume that someone doesn't want to know. It's unjust to deny people information that impacts their lives.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CincoDeMama

as far as dealing with parents "like me"...how about you thank me later for saving your 17yo kid from getting his gf pregnant in his senior year of high school? i think a big fat thank you will be enough instead of criticism.

Um... no.

jessica_momof7 · 05-07-2007, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sara

isn't there like quite a big failure rate for condoms?

my BIL and his wife conceived 4 children with regular and correct condom usage.

It must have been like an aphrodesiac to them or something!

kas · 05-07-2007, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OnTheBrink

Kas, do you let parents know that this is an option at your house? I hope you do. In the same way that I expect to be told if my 6 year old is visiting a house with a pool or a large dog or a gun, I'd want to know if my older kid is visiting a house with a freebie condom basket.

are you kidding me? i've never even MET 90% of the kids that come over & hang out in my house! i think many of you live in a different world than i do, because when your kid HAS A JOB, IS DRIVING A CAR, IS ABOUT TO GRADUATE, and is old enough to FIGHT FOR OUR COUNTRY, meeting their friends' parents just isn't something you seek out as a pre-requisite to having kids in your home.

ask me if my kid goes over to anyone's home and the answer would be, ONLY IF I KNOW THE PARENTS. i have to have firsthand dealings with them, and i have to confirm the plans & events with the parents by phone before i approve or disapprove.

i can't believe that a condom basket is being compared to alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs. yikes!

do any of you smoke? if so, YOU'RE LIKELY TO PROVIDE YOUR KID WITH THEIR FIRST CIGARETTE. i mean, geez. all the "i'm gonna do x, y, z" is so old & played out already. you have no idea what you'll do, but i can betcha that you won't KNOW when your kid loses his virginity! nope. betcha won't.

LatteLover · 05-07-2007, 02:52 PM

naking..... i have a question. i was under the impression that if you sex anytime after ovulation, the egg does/can be fertilized. the only reason that you are more fertile at ovulation is that the egg needs 10 days to implant. so, you could have sex 5 days before your period and the egg could be fertilized, but it would not be on the right path towards implatation (timing wise it would have missed its chance). in other words, fertilized eggs not implanting is a common and natural occurance.

now, i am fine with someone finding a source to disprove that. but that was always my basic understanding from my course work on human biology and a&p.

OnTheBrink · 05-07-2007, 03:00 PM

Kas - Why do you so strongly believe that the other mothers here do not know their children as well as you know yours? Why do you always try to position yourself as the one who "gets it", while considering everyone else here to be out of touch and unrealistic? And why are other people's expectations for their children considered close minded and even stupid? The assumption that those of us with younger children can't have a valid response to questions regarding older kids is insane.

Raffi · 05-07-2007, 03:01 PM

I'm more concerned with the door being unlocked for the teenagers in the neighbourhood to just walk in and grab the rubbers. What if they decide to keep shopping in your house..lol

mamajandtheboys · 05-07-2007, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CincoDeMama

you have no idea what you'll do, but i can betcha that you won't KNOW when your kid loses his virginity! nope. betcha won't.

kas ~ mama, there's no reason to be so snarky. really.

you can think that you are living in the "real world" and that you are the uber parent who everyone is going to one day realize was right ~ but some of us have differing values that will never change.

can't we just have an intelligent conversation without sarcasm and smirking?

gethane · 05-07-2007, 03:05 PM

Once this thread strayed from the intent of what HAVE you done (fact) to what SHOULD people do (opinion) it was doomed.

I just really wish it could've stayed helpful and positive and fact based (what DID you do, what HAVE you said) rather than proselytizing (what SHOULD other people tell their teens because you, as the parent of young children, don't have teens of your own to tell).