Mamas with Teens and PreteensOh dear- the eye rolling, the attitude, the whines of 'OH MOM'... hormones? just a phase? being a teen is tough- being the mama of one is tougher...
i'm sorry, but it rubs me the wrong way by your implying i have lowered the standards for my son.
i have very high expectations for him. this "child" is going to be fighting for your freedom in a little over a year.
if the kid says he wants to have sex, gawds bless him for giving me a head's up and preparing me for the next step he's taking for himself.
this, believe it or not, does not define who he is-nor did it define us when we were having sex at 13, 14, or whatever age we were (i was 13).
i know my son well enough to know that if i showed *any* inkling of disapproval, he'd hide it all from me and i would be left in the dark.
Kas, I don't think this defines who he is....unless it defines him as a normal tennage boy who has strong feelings for his girlfriend. I am sure he is a wonderful kid. I think he's a great kid for coming to his mom first. And I think (although I disagree with your reasoning) that you are doing what you feel is best for him, so don't take it personally. Take it as a difference in opinion.
That is so well put! I totally agree! Supervision is key.
do i understand you're reasoning is to prevent teen sex by having the parent present at all times?
let's see, my son has been to more places in one wkend than i go in one week...he went to a game on thurs, movies on fri, mall on sat, and bowling on sun...was i supposed to be there watching him to make sure he wasn't having sexual relations?
do i understand you're reasoning is to prevent teen sex by having the parent present at all times?
let's see, my son has been to more places in one wkend than i go in one week...he went to a game on thurs, movies on fri, mall on sat, and bowling on sun...was i supposed to be there watching him to make sure he wasn't having sexual relations?
Oh, no, absolutely not! They need freedom and opportunities to test their freedoms. What I'm talking about is providing a safeguard when their willpower is especially low in some area they're being tempted with. For instance, if your teen struggles with wanting to try alcohol, then letting them go to a party, unsupervised, where it's known that there will be alcohol, might not be such a good idea. That's just a starting point, but you get the general idea. Teens are so impulsive from all their bodily changes--I'm talking about setting them up for success when they're "up", so that it's easier for them to make good choices when they're defenses are "down". Does that make sense?
Please don't be offended, Kas--every family's different, and I totally respect that. We're just conservative and I got excited when I saw another conservative Mama's comment!
do i understand you're reasoning is to prevent teen sex by having the parent present at all times?
let's see, my son has been to more places in one wkend than i go in one week...he went to a game on thurs, movies on fri, mall on sat, and bowling on sun...was i supposed to be there watching him to make sure he wasn't having sexual relations?
Well since I made the statement about supervision, I will answer. No, it's unreasonable to keep your son from every event that you can't chaperone if you believe he is making good choices in life is honest and trustworthy....you have to give them freedom as they earn it. DJ has probably earned his freedom, I would say. He sounds like a good kid. But, I think you said on another thread about teens that you had ways of making sure they made correct choices about schoolwork...don't remember the exact words, but it was on barb's thread about her dd and school. Game, mall, and bowling aren't rights as a teen they are privileges. If my teen were doing things that I disapproved of, I would remove some of those freedoms if for no other reason than to keep them safe. It all depends on what your family's expectations are.
I'm not saying it's easy, Kas. I know it can't be, especially when your Dh is gone most of the time....and I don't have a 16 yo yet, either. I truly wish the best for you and for your son especially as he goes "to fight for my freedom" soon.
Oh, no, absolutely not! They need freedom and opportunities to test their freedoms. What I'm talking about is providing a safeguard when their willpower is especially low in some area they're being tempted with. For instance, if your teen struggles with wanting to try alcohol, then letting them go to a party, unsupervised, where it's known that there will be alcohol, might not be such a good idea. That's just a starting point, but you get the general idea. Teens are so impulsive from all their bodily changes--I'm talking about setting them up for success when they're "up", so that it's easier for them to make good choices when they're defenses are "down". Does that make sense?
Please don't be offended, Kas--every family's different, and I totally respect that. We're just conservative and I got excited when I saw another conservative Mama's comment!
not offended one bit-just wanted to understand where you were coming from
believe me, i get grilled by irl friends all the time~but my kid is one of the few virgins walking around his high school, so i have that to fall back on...but not for long.
i just talked to his gf's mom and we're going to hang out together on weds night. i'm going to be very blunt with her and ask her to make sure her dd takes her pill daily, and make sure she knows about abx cancelling the potency, etc etc. i'll also assure her that dj will always have condoms handy, and has been taught to adhere to the word "no" in all circumstances.
i'm going to suggest we both encourage them to go to pp together and go through their teen classes about bc, std's, etc.
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i admire your openness with your children, kas. i think we have similar feelings with regards to our children's sexuality (although i'm not looking forward to it...i know how i will handle it.)
i wish my mom had been more open with me. i have lived and learned as a result...handing me a book at 9 and telling me she's "there for me" didn't cut it and i made sure to hide it bc i knew how she really felt.
Well since I made the statement about supervision, I will answer. No, it's unreasonable to keep your son from every event that you can't chaperone if you believe he is making good choices in life is honest and trustworthy....you have to give them freedom as they earn it. DJ has probably earned his freedom, I would say. He sounds like a good kid. But, I think you said on another thread about teens that you had ways of making sure they made correct choices about schoolwork...don't remember the exact words, but it was on barb's thread about her dd and school. Game, mall, and bowling aren't rights as a teen they are privileges. If my teen were doing things that I disapproved of, I would remove some of those freedoms if for no other reason than to keep them safe. It all depends on what your family's expectations are.
I'm not saying it's easy, Kas. I know it can't be, especially when your Dh is gone most of the time....and I don't have a 16 yo yet, either. I truly wish the best for you and for your son especially as he goes "to fight for my freedom" soon.
ya see, that's exactly what my mom would have done if i had told her i was having sex (or even wanted to)...ground me from life.
i'll ground my kids for less than sufficient grades, talking to me disrespectfully, etc-but not for being human and being driven to have sex.
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