amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

my3sweetgirls

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Hi, I really need advice on what to do about my teenage stepson. He moved in with us in Jan. Their mother died 5 months ago, and they went to live with their grandparents and then now they are here. ANyway, last night a neighbor come over and said that they had been noticing that someone had bee breaking into their house but not taking anything or doing any damage. Well, they set up a video camera and it was our son. He didn't want to press charges, just wanted us to know and deal with him. We asked him about it and he told us the truth. Well, we didn't freak out, he was supposed to go over there today and apologize. Also, he was going to do some work around here as a punishment. Well, last night about 2:00a.m he ran away. He actually has ran away from here 2 other times and a few times before from his mothers. The first time from here he was picked up and spent a week in juv. hall because he wouldn't talk to the judge and I think he wanted to teach him a lesson. The second time he came back on his own that night.

I don't know what to do about it anymore. He seems to have some type of depression or maybe bipolar disorder. He will be in a good mood, laughing, getting up at a normal time for a few days and then he will totally switch and sleep ALL day and be mad and hateful. He has always been homeschooled until this last year while with his grandparents they went to school for a semester. He hated it but then here decided to try the school and after 2 weeks wanted to go back to homeschooling. SO we did. He does good with it for a while then refuses to do anything.

I just need some advice, my dh says that he'll come back, and I am sure he will, but it can't keep happening. He only really has one friend here (he is a real loner) and he hasn't heard from him. He was supposed to go with his friend tonight to the race track and we were going to let him go even though he was in trouble.

Laranda

edited to add that he is almost 15...in 2 weeks...and can't drive or anything so he is walking. LAst time he hung out in the woods not too far from here.

sarah10998

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Hugs to you and your family this is hard for everyone. With your comments about his mood and sleep changes my first thing would be tohave hime drug tested. It sounds like that could be parto f the problem and if it is nothing will work until that gets taken care of. HTH and you are in my prayers Sarah

jeni

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Call the police and report it. My son ran away almost 2 years ago when he was just shy of 17. The police told me that if you report him, then you are not liable for any damage he does while gone. Also, they can keep an eye out for him. My son came home on his own after 10 agonizing days. He ran because he had gotten in big trouble for drinking and smoking pot, and knew more was coming because of report cards - he didn't want to face our disappointment again - and he knew he wouldn't have much freedom after that. He avoided places he knew we would look, and was closer to home than we thought he'd be. It was very rough on all of us. I think these are huge cries for help from teens for whatever reason - and sometimes because they know they won't like the help they get. My son was not beaten or neglected in any way - but he knew he wouldn't have the freedom to engage in the same thrilling and dangerous behaviors after we found out. BTW, he has never run away again - he saw how upset his brothers and sisters were, how angry I was that he would put us through this, how his grandparents were affected.

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lildevil77

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(((hugs))) I can only imagine how worried you all are! I would call the police. Let's just say god forbid he gets hurt or worse you could be charged with child neglect or other charges for not reporting him. But really I would call in hopes the cops would catch him and put a little fear in him. My dh is a police officer and he just dealt with a run-a-way the other da, it was the third or fourth time he did it but this time he was in an accident and the parents were charged with child endagerment. They can also help set you up with some counseling as well. Sounds to me like he needs it. I don't know if his depression started before his Mom died but if not, it does sound like a pretty normal way to deal with his grief and all the changes he is going through. Still he is acting out and needs help

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Amanda mama to
Jonathon(14) Abigale(11) Victoria(5) Isabella(3) Adeline 6-5-08

my3sweetgirls

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Well, we have good news and bad. We reported him to the police. Then a few hours after that they called and they had him. SO the good news is he is safe. The bad news is he had walked to a gas station about 10 miles from here and STOLE a car. He was driving around in the next town over around midnight and the police got behind him, ran the tag a saw it was stolen. They turned on their lights and he ran. They had to put stop sticks down to stop him!! SO he ended up getting 2 felony charges against him. We went to court yesterday and his bond was set at $5000. We aren't bailing him out because of his history of running away. Then today we went to talk to the juvenile guy...I am not sure what he is called...and Justice (my step son) It was so sad because he looked so upset. We got to talk to him for a few minutes alone and he said he ran away because he didn't want to have to talk to the neighbor. Anyway, it looks like he may be in the juv. detention center for about a month. Unless they need his bed and then he could get sent home. He said that more than likely he will be given probabtion, community service and counseling. They also have a work program where he will have to work to pay any restitution there might be.

I hate this for him. He really is a good boy, he has just been through such a bad year. To me this type of behavor is such a cry for help. I am glad he is safe though. I thought I was going to go crazy not knowing where he was. I get to visist him on Saturday. I am going alone because he seems to talk to me more than he does my DH. So I am hoping he will open up to me some.

Okay, so far I am not enjoying this teenage stuff

Thanks for the advice!

Laranda

lildevil77

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I'm so hapy he is safe!!!! I hope you guys can have a heart to heart talk this weekend and this will be the thing that sets him straight!