Mamas with Teens and PreteensOh dear- the eye rolling, the attitude, the whines of 'OH MOM'... hormones? just a phase? being a teen is tough- being the mama of one is tougher...
Would you send your 14 year old daughter on a train alone?PLEASE gimme some input?
The group home has now come up with a new idea to make transporation for home passes easier on everyone. They want to put Sarah on a BART train to Oakland from here.Alone. That will take about 40 minutes or so, maybe longer.
I will tell you why I think this is a bad idea, and then I would loooove some input from other mamas of teens?
1-Sarah is very pretty and men like her. Grown men.
2-Sarah used to be in a gang and did drugs.
3-Sarah wants attention from boys, mostly the gang banging variety.Seks it actively. And lives in a level 12 group home for behavioral/emotional disturbance.
4-There are perverts out there.
5-when on a group home outing with staff at the mall, the kids got 15 minutes to look around by themselves. Sarah used that time to give her phone number to a boy (MY cell number by the way, and that of her friends' foster mom) and smoke a cigarette.She is now not allowed 15 minutes unsupervised for a month. I would make that last a lot longer personally but that is just overprotective little me.
The group home feels she needs the life skill of public transportation. I feel she needs to master self control before she needs to master BART trains alone. Not to mention that I would not send my 13 year old son on the train alone either. He will be 14 soon!
Nope. You're not one bit overprotective. It sounds like bart would be too tempting for her. I don't know what she's like or anything, but if she is put on bart, she may decide to go somewhere else besides oakland. It's not hard.
Besides, BART is dirty and weird. I'm sorry but I'm from sacramento and I started using BART when I joined the merchant marines at 17yrs old. It was very intimidating for me. And I'm used to public transit.
On a side note, she may be okay though. One thing I did notice about bart is that the second everyone stepped up on the train, they shut thier mouths. I think that's what made it worse for me. People would be chatting with coworkers and such at the station, but as soon as they were on the train, they didn't talk. It felt like the twilight zone.
Is there a way to arrange a ride or a taxi for her?
I wouldnt at all. I got into plenty of trouble at 14 & I wouldnt have let *me* on a train alone! I wouldnt let my now 14 yr old dd on one. I cant imagine why they think that is a good idea!!!
There are some shady characters on BART and in BART stations.
I would think twice before sending my 14 year old, well behaved boy on it for any solo trip!
Well, I was none of those things at 14, but I did ride the BART alone from Concord to Orinda every Saturday for work. And often into the City alone, but not until 16 or 17.
But it was in a much different time (15 years ago) and things have changed a lot since then. I don't know that I would let my son ride it now alone at age 14. (But he does fly alone 6 times a year).
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BECKIE
Blessed SAH~AP Breastfeedin' Co-sleepin', Baby Wearin' Spiral Scouting, Homeschoolin' Mommy to Michael, age 16, Danielle, age 5,
and Jack-Jack, 2 years
Personally, I wouldn't go for it, for many of the reasons listed. I just don't think the risks outweigh the benefits and "life skill" at this point. And I totally agree with you regarding mastering self control before worrying about BART.
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Jennifer
Happy Homeschooling Mama to 2 Amazing Girls
ECOBags Ready to Ship!
Thirsties Original Diaper Covers on Clearance!
When I read the subject line, my first thought was no. After reading that there are more reasons in this situation, I'd definately say no.
I feel that is too much unsupervised time under questionable circumstances. I don't think that learning how to use public transportation is a must at 14.
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Stephanie, mom to my 3 girls (Alyssa '94, Lauren '99 & Lily '02)
Absolutely not. There are some shady people hanging out at train stations. There is just not enough security there for me to feel comfortable w/sending a 14yr old alone. Heck, I wouldn't want to go on a train alone.
Actually, it isn't the train, it's the train stations. If somebody was going to wait with her until the train picked her up (don't let her go to the bathroom in the train station) then it would make me feel a bit better about it. But to have her alone in the train station? No way.
Under those circumstances no way, that child isn't ready to walk to the mailbox on the corner unsupervised. Now, in a responsible 14yo, I would say yes. I think I was in 7th grade when I started taking public transportation by myself- busses, the El, regional trains, yada yada, to go into Philly. By 14, I could find my way around the city easily on Septa. I can't say that I was ever harassed or bothered, by myself or with girlfriends, and there are plenty of shady characters around here. But, in her situation, never
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Mary,
momma to Tyler 5-14-03 And Maya 1-19-2001
And Ciara 1-14-06
If she had been like I was at that age, very savvy and street smart, with a lot of knowledge on how to keep myself safe and protected (thank you, mom....see, an abusive, unsettled childhood[my dad] can have SOME kickback benefits ), then I would prob say yes.
But def not in your situation. She is a disaster waiting to happen. I wouldn't even let my own dd out like that when she gets that age, cause she just won't have the skills to protect herself, and I don't think Sarah does, either, even if she DID want to use them, which it doesn't sound like she does.
I personally would make it a priority to be at the gate when she is being let out, and go on the train with her (speaking as someone who rarely has a car....if I had a car, I would do the picking up myself). That might not be an option for you, but that is what I personally would do.
I would put a 14 year old on the train by themselves (I traveled on BART all the time from Oakland to SF as a 14 year old). . . BUT I would not put Sarah on BART at 14 by herself. Not with her history and not with her acting out. I would have a hard time trusting her and I'm surprised that the group home is suggesting it.
), then I would prob say yes. 
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