Mamas with Teens and PreteensOh dear- the eye rolling, the attitude, the whines of 'OH MOM'... hormones? just a phase? being a teen is tough- being the mama of one is tougher...
Oi. We're really hitting the hard topics. I would have to, again, tell them the physical reality about drugs/alcohol. I would have to tell them they do not have my blessing to do those things, until of legal age to drink, and cannot condone drugs, ever, simply because they are illegal.
We've approached some of these things already with the kids.
ETA: We do let the (older) kids have small sips of champange or wine for special occasions, and a small glass of mead or beer here or there for special occasions.
But I have to disagree about alcoholism being an American ill. I think our culture has something to do with it, same as our attitudes about sex, but chemical addiction is also quite genetic, imho. I am quite sure there are plenty of European alcoholics.
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Last edited by ~Bethany~ : 01-26-2005 at 11:44 AM.
But I have to disagree about alcoholism being an American ill. I think our culture has something to do with it, same as our attitudes about sex, but chemical addiction is also quite genetic, imho. I am quite sure there are plenty of European alcoholics.
Yes, Europeans beat you all, beleive me I know what I'm talking about
I have to say that I agree with mamax4. WE don't make alcohol into a forbidden fruit really...My daughter (almost 13) got to have about a shot glass worth of wine with an equal amount of water with dinner the other night. When my brother in law (who works for New Belguim Brewery- Think Fat Tire Beer) got back from his brewery tour in belguim, we did a beer tasting with him, and my daughter got to try sips of the different beers just like the rest of us. She pretty quickly discovered that like me, she doesn't like most beer. (but I was surprised to find 2 kinds of beer that I did like). When we had an eggnog making contest for Christmas eve, she got to sip the nogs, alcoholic and non, to help judge.
But in our family we just don't "DRINK" much,,,we enjoy wine with dinner occasionally, I enjoy a holiday punch called "Ponche" (A tradition in Mexico) that you generally add a bit of tequilia to...of course family gatherings always have beer because my BIL works for a microbrewery. But it isn't like a case of Bud, it is a glass of a yummy micro brew with that pizza dinner. It is different. you know?
I guess I always appreciated the European mindset of alcohol,,it just isn't this big deal. I guess by not making it this thing that looks so alluring and is so tempting to kids, then they just grow up with an "eh" attitude about it. Not that I think it should be legal to purchase alcohol at a young age...but I think it is entirely appropriate for parents to teach their children responsible drinking, an appreciation for the taste and a healthy respect for the negative impact of drinking more than a little.
well, my parents (esp my mom) was very relaxed about drugs/ alcohol when we were teens. She didn't buy um for us but just never talked to us about it and it wasn't a big deal when my brothers were caught partying. Kids will be kids right! My brothers still ended up in juvenile detention because of things they did while high or drunk. My older brothers both ended up doing coke in their early 20s, My older sister at 28 finally grew out of the partying stage...including clubbing & ecstasy.
while these things didn't happen just because of my parents attitude towards drugs and alcohol...in went hand in hand with them not teaching us self-respect and self-worth.
Even if you don't make it alluring, their friends will. I'll tell you one thing, now that my bros & I have grown up, we've all agreed that we wished our parents gave us rules & boundaries & cared more about our whereabouts & activities.
I don't even let Kaya or Cody drink soda...so you can count on me never offering them alcohol. Drugs will never be condoned.
I think dh and I are very open about 'issues' like this, we try talking to the kids often.. and my oldest has lots of questions.
However, in a way I have been blessed to have a pitiful excuse of a ex, who has been both a druggie and a alcoholic.... and both of my boys are totally disgusted by him.
They both swear they will never drink.. as they have seen firsthand how easily it destroys someone's life.
Now all that being said, we do drink occasionally *VERY* occasionally, ponche, wine on occasion, and every once in a while my husband will have a beer.
We are very strong in our opinions on drugs, and as soon as the kids are old enough to seem 'interested' in drugs, I will do what my brother did to me... take them to see someone so strung out they are now a vegetable (worked for me, I smoked pot one time (at 14) and then after that, never touched another thing in my life)
My parents were never open with us, but they did one thing I think was just wonderful... they had a 'open phone' policy for my brother, and I and all of our friends.
If we were out and drinking, or with someone who was drinking... we could always call them for a ride home.
I never drank, still really don't... but I know my brother called twice where he was out with someone who was drinking and didn't want to get in the car with him.
And my brothers friend John would call my parents for rides home, they even went to pick him up in Chicago 1 time (about a hour from where we lived in the 'burbs)
My oldest has always been allowed to sample a sip when we drink whcih is New Years, Christmas and Thanksgiving. She has no desire to drink at all.
Also when we talked about drugs I tried to convince her that pot wasn't that bad, that I had smoked when I was in Jr and High School and it didn't effect me. SHE was the one telling me that I was crazy and that it is bad for you.
Right now her and her boyfriend are straight edge meaning they don'y drink or smoke don't have sex and they are veges. She also doesn't even drink soda except when she is sick she will drink 7 UP.
Growing up I was always allowed to have sips of wine or beer and I hate to drink. I thik denying kids stuff just makes them want to try it more.
Mindi
__________________ Sometimes realize, I could only be as good as you'll let me
i don't know what i would say. my parents made such a big deal of it that i started drinking in 8th grade. i drank in hs and college. not as much as some friends, but certainly more than my parents thought.
my oldest is 8. she has sniffed beer and found it disgusting. she sipped a wine cooler and thought it was ok. i will let them try a sip of something around me if they ask. if they ask for shots or drugs, i would say no. for some reason, in my mind that seems worse.
so if they asked for a beer, or a glass of wine, and they were going to be home and be supervised, i would probably say yes. all the others are a no.
is that what you were looking for as far as answering the question?
heather
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Heather
married to carlos for 8 years
mama to sierra 11, alyssa 7 and samuel 6
Location: Stuck in the neverending cycle of cleaning
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We follow the law in this home. At least I try to, when I know exactly what that law is. No drinking under the age, and no illegal drugs.
If my child told me they wanted to drink and do drugs I would talk to them. I would also have them visit a prison, and an NA/AA meeting so they could hear about other peoples' experiences. I have friends who are addicts and recovering addicts and I don't want my child suffering like that.
As for the drinking, I suppose my detective bil could help my child out with that one. He has access to info, pictures, videos etc.. also what the law is.
say your teen came to you and told you he wanted to get high (mj), wwyd?
I would tell him what it will do to him, and that while I can't make his mind up for him, I would hope that he realized all of the negative effects it would have on him (Especially the one about what's gonig to happen to him when mom finds out )
drink a beer?
Again, tell him I hope he never would... and remind him about what alcohol does to him
drink a 6pk of beer?
Again, tell him I hope he never would... and remind him about what alcohol does to him
do a shot of tequila?
I dunno, this one I might give in and let him do, just for the simple fact that it would probably cause alot of sputtering, choking, burning, and then vomitting. HMMM, that was a hard one. LOL
(J/K- no way, no how are we going to ok our kids drinking!)
do several shots?
Again, tell him I hope he never would... and remind him about what alcohol does to him
thoughts on this?
I don't see where there is a thought process to this, as parents we love our children, and protect them.
we are their PARENTS, not their friends/buddies.
We are supposed to explain the dangers of things to them, not say it's ok to do it, as long as you tell me about it.
Kas, are you asking what we would say if they came to us and said they WANT to xyz, or that they DID xyz? Or am I missing the question entirely? Help a sister, I'm clueless here?!
Laurie- gotcha
I do agree with the European more blase attitude about alcohol.
On the heels...WWYD if your teen wanted to try drugs/drink?......
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I do agree with the European more blase attitude about alcohol. 
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