amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

~Denise~ · 01-19-2005, 09:24 PM

Kimberly! I am so sorry. I'd be mortified! Your Mom checked your undies and vulva????

I'd not be thrilled at all. )o:

djmdj · 01-19-2005, 10:26 PM

Denise,

Here is the link to the thread I posted when dd started hers in December at age 11.

Search "menarch" for lots of great resources for girls!

ETA the link!

http://www.amitymama.com/vb/showthre...hreadid=211978

Nutmeg · 01-19-2005, 10:32 PM

Haven't started here yet, and she's 13.5. I have been reading up on women's reproductive health and they think that the longer until the first menarch the less chance of female cancers later in life.

Em is looking forward to it, will use pads and has some ready to go LOL. No cloth here.

I was fine with it when I got mine, my parents are very pragmatic. No biggie. I didn't want a deal made out of it.

Moody? Heck yea she's a moody little gal

but I'll have two of them in 10 years so I'm trying to appreciate just one LOL

spiritfreedom · 01-19-2005, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ~Denise~
How did she deal with it? Happy? Embarrassed?

Was she embarrassed for her dad to know? How did you deal with this?

Hey Denise,
Just drawing from my own experience as a teen. I was really pissed at my mother for telling my father. Ask your dd if it's ok to share with her dad. I was embarassed, very private, and wanted to be in denial about it all.

spiritfreedom · 01-19-2005, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ~Denise~
Your Mom checked your undies and vulva????

Woah. How messed up is THAT?!

KimberMama · 01-19-2005, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ~Denise~
Kimberly! I am so sorry. I'd be mortified! Your Mom checked your undies and vulva???? I'd not be thrilled at all. )o:

It's practically beyond belief, isn't it? I have no idea why she wouldn't have trusted me, but she's like that. She's horrible at respecting boundaries and I've had to really set limits with her as an adult.

Peace,

Kimberly

~Denise~ · 01-20-2005, 03:43 AM

Welp, we made it through. I posted this because yes, my dear Chelsie started her period, hence my starting this thread.

This is hard for me since I was never treated "well" when I started my period. I was tossed lovely comments about "being on the rag now, don't turn into a ***** like your Mom" and "Come here, let me see if you have tits yet"....

By the same man supposedly acting as my "father" figure, who also sexually molested me...and later his own daughter. Anyhow.....

These past few days have gone well. Chelsie has had no questions. I prepared her with several books, including the Period one, the American Girl one, and this one....

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...glance&s=books

I had a box of stuff for her...waiting. I started my period when I was 11, so was thinking she would too. When she was 12, I started collecting....thinking anyday now. LOL. She is exactly 13 1/2 now, and just started. I gave her the box of stuff....she loved it. In it?

Various disposie pads to try out, liners too

2 boxes of different brands of teen sized tampons

2 "wet" bags to carry a wrapped, used pad in in case of no garbage can to use

a special book (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...glance&s=books)

A red toned beaded bracelet and earring set

A Dancing Goddess WAHM goddess doll, large size, to honor her first period. Got the goddess representative of life and for this occassion

A WAHM tunny rice pack, for cramps

2 bottles of medicine, lol. One Pamprin and one Midol, for cramps, bloating, etc. if needed

Ummm, I think that was all. LOL. Oh, no, wait a goddess shaped soap and a set of washies in a monkey print...her fave. LOL.

I am going to get her a calendar to use for keeping track of this, so she is not surprised and un-prepared. Though I kind of wonder, since some experience such showing and then no showing with a newly aquired period. May be some time before she is more regulated I know.

She has not asked me any questions, nor seemed to have any problems this week. I was waiting, but she seemed just fine! We did go to the book store today, to get her a new book she needed...I picked up 2 more period type/growing up books. I handed them to her and she turned red and smiled, saying she had all the info and books she needed. LOL.

Thank you all for sharing your stories, experiences and more!

It has honest too goodness made so much of a difference for me, thus for her. Thank you, thank you!!!!!!!!

~Denise~ · 01-20-2005, 03:47 AM

P.S Chelsie is still rather ooked out on the use of cloth pads. LOL. She seems to want no part of having to rinse or wash anything like "that"....

We shall see. But for now it seems to be disposie pads.

lakshmi_mama · 01-20-2005, 11:13 AM

Just wanted to add my .02 worth.

Dylan was 13 when she started, Kiah was barely 12 just 6 months later when she started hers.

It was very casual around here when they started. Neither one of them wanted any sort of celebration or ceremony. (which bummed me out, but hey - its not my life, right?) I did buy them nice purses to put their supplies in at school and such. Dylan also got a nice pair of garnet and moonstone earrings.

They were both mildly 'embarassed' but not so much in an "I don't want anyone to know" way, but in a "Don't make a big deal about it." way. lol.

Both choose to use disposable pads now. Kiah used some of my cloth pads one time when we were out of hers, but she was really icked out. She is afraid to wear them to school because she thinks they will leak (despite the fact that when I had periods they were terribly heavy and I never had a leak...) and she does not want to have to carry around dirty pads in her backpack or locker, even though I assure her that a small wet bag is all she needs. Thats okay though. I can understand. We live in a very white bread community so the idea of cloth pads at school has got to be way out there. I buy the organic cotton ones for them because I cannot stand the idea of my babies putting commercially bleached paper and who knows what all else on their bodies. blech.

dawnadelle · 01-20-2005, 11:38 AM

---How old was your daughter when she started her period?

I don't recall the exact time - but it was about 1/2 year later than I started mine... so 12.5-13 years old.

---How did she deal with it? Happy? Embarrassed?

She was a little embarrassed because I made such a big deal out of it. I wanted to have a 'red party' for her and really do something special. She felt that was too much and I respected her decision about that. We agreed to have a 'girls night out' to dinner where she chose 1 friend and I chose 1. I picked my mom. I let the girls get silly drinks (virgin drinks) and they really had a good time.

---What does she prefer to use, supply wise?

She REFUSES to use cloth pads! Which is weird because we use cloth toilet-'paper'. So I buy disgusting disposable pads and let her know how I feel about them and the risks associated with them. I am really disturbed by tampons, but she really likes them. I try to discourage it as much as I can, but hey - she is her own person and old enough to make her own decisions.

---What were her biggest hardships, or none, with this new change in her life?

I think she has a good attitude about it. She does get weepy and cranky with PMS and I am gentle with her during those days... that way she can be gentle with me during my days.

---Was she embarrassed for her dad to know? How did you deal with this?

LOL! She said "Don't tell Dad" as if she was embarrassed, but then the minute he came home that say she smiled and said "Daddy! Guess what!". So I think that she was embarrassed but proud too. And I'm glad the pride over-ruled. She should feel good about being a "woman".

---Anything else I need to know?!?

Be positive about the whole thing. Women have a tendency to view menstuation as a negative... but really... it is the very core of LIFE itself, right? It is what makes us women - powerful, life-giving women! It is a gift and should be taken as such. And (yeah, yeah, yeah, I am a big complainer about my period!) also shed light on the realism of it. It is difficult to deal with - cramps, pms, the hassle of pads... but it is just a part of our lives.

Oh - and LISTEN to what she has to say about it all. The last thing you would want is for her to shut down and not open up to you about it.

ALL THE BEST TO YOU - AND HER!

Amethyst · 01-20-2005, 12:08 PM

Hmmm, this thread is making me think of the huge differences in girls as people and how they handle things. I remember when I started mine. I was excited - exhilarated even. i felt all grown up. I was 13. I wasn't embarassed. My sister, however, was almost 12. She was absolutely mortified. She was/is a tomboy and not at all excited about the prospect of womanhood or even being a girl for that matter. She got angry and defiant and seemed to be in denial about it.

I think both responses were normal - just different strokes for different folks. The one thing I would say every mom should remember is to RESPECT your daughter's choices. If doesn't want cloth pads - well, she doen't. kwim? My mom REALLY didn't want me to use tampons so she just avoided the subject and never taught me how or gave me a choice. Then once, I was at my dad's house for the weekend and started for maybe the 3rd time or so. I didn't have pads but the friend I had with me had tampons. So. I had no choice. I had no relationship with my new stepmom and was embarrased to ask for her help - So... I went in the bathroom with a tampon I didn't know how to use and cried for 45 minutes trying to figure it out. It got stuck (b/c I had no idea what I was doing) and really hurt. I was afraid to call my mom for help because I thought she'd be mad about the tampon use. So anyway - the point is... communication and repect go a long way!

Good luck, mama!

Jo