As a family we've been reading On the Banks of Plum Creek. A few weeks ago we read the chapter where Pa Ingalls walks 300 miles for work in boots that are patched. DH and I began asking ourselves why we create "needs" when it's not difficult to go without. It's not a matter of trying to deprive ourselves, it's just that there are so many things we don't truly want and certainly don't need but we buy those things.
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DH and I began asking ourselves why we create "needs" when it's not difficult to go without. It's not a matter of trying to deprive ourselves, it's just that there are so many things we don't truly want and certainly don't need but we buy those things.
Like what? What are those specifically for you? I'm trying to think of mine...
But I think the reason we do create "needs" for ourselves is because our culture is set up for us to want want want and spend spend spend.
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Like what? What are those specifically for you? I'm trying to think of mine...
Clothing for my kids, shoes for my kids. I want more than they need, though society would list their needs as more than what they truly are. You were talking about hand-me-downs in another thread- I wish we knew people for hand-me-downs! My kids pass on their clothes to extended family and friends. Tawnya recently sent some shirts for ds, that was a nice windfall for us, really!
Foods we don't need. Tea is not a necessity and it's not even good for me because of my kidney and thyroid issues. Ice cream is not a necessity. Juice is not a necessity.
Various educational things touted for teaching x,y and z when there are other free ways to teach them that seem to actually be more fun.
Books. Between the library and online I'm fairly covered. There are some things I can't find between the two so I skim the basics of those books at B&N now while the kids play with the train for free.
Things for my kids. Special treats, nice gifts. The silliest part is my husband does amazing woodworking, I do some woodworking & carving, sewing, needlework and for some reason I buy things... that doesn't make much sense. My kids aren't dazzled by storebought toys, they'd rather have a new vehicle that Dad made or a pillow from Mom for reading books on. Books are the one thing I can't make appear from scraps of this and that and they love books.
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Yeah, these are pretty much the bugaboos for us as well.
I wish we knew people for hand-me-downs too! Looks like some Amity mamas are coming through for me. What size are your kids wearing? I may have some things for you, although we recently passed down tons to our friends. I've kept the cycle going...my friend brought me about 10 lb of Gevalia coffee beans when she came to visit, which helped me SO much as I can't afford decent coffee right now but love it. So, it came back to me in a different way, my generosity with hand me downs. (I've given her nice things, Hannas in decent shape, 2 pr of Duckies pants that I got for $4 ea at Kohl's on clearance, but are just wonderful sturdy boys' pants, yk? And lots of it.)
I have a hard time saying no to buying ice cream. We made a rule recently because it was out of control; we'll buy two containers of what's on sale when we go grocery shopping (usually it's a "buy 1 get 1" sale) and when it's gone - it's gone. My sense of limits w/food is completely out the window b/c of Jake's dietary needs - the nurse will say to me, "Let him eat as much ice cream as he wants!!" Sigh. Anyway, we only go grocery shopping (at the supermarket, I mean) once or twice a month, so that limits it naturally. No more in-between runs to the country store where it's 3.29 for a box of crappy ShurFine or 5.39 for a box of somewhat-less-crappy Hood brand.
Katie uses her own money now, to buy "treats" for herself. That's a relief.
With other food...for us juice is on the necessity list for Jake...I've tried withdrawing it hard-core, LOL, and he dehydrated before he would drink plain water. We've spent $$$ on flavored water beverages (the new kind sans Splenda or whatever) with no luck. So, I save the bottle from the previous juice and when I open a new one, it gets diluted into two bottles with water.
But, I feel "entitled" to shop at the co-op for a lot of things. Or to buy $20 of groceries to make a meal or fill out what we have in the pantry rather than go without. And then when we go to get the head of garlic or whatever we're out of, we inevitably spend $15 on things we could've done without. We need to pretend we're farther from a quick trip to the supermarket than we are, and do without or cook with what we have on hand, a lot more often.
We're reading On the Banks of Plum Creek right now too! We're at the part where they just built the house and are moving out of the dugout.
I just love the Little House books. They are such an inspiration to me. Whenever I start feeling like our house is too cramped or I don't have all the "stuff" I want, these books really bring home to me just how cluttered our lives are. I always wish I could have created an environment where our family could have just a few treasured items and be content with that instead of having the "gimmes" all the time. I guess even if I did everything right to foster that type of environment, our media saturated, materialistic society would probably be working against me.
Anyway, I feel the same way as you. Whenever I feel the urge to buy something, I always try to ask myself 'why do I want this and can I do without it?' And when push comes to shove, I find that there really isn't much that I truly need.
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Proud Mama to Madeline, Donny and Max
Tawnya recently sent some shirts for ds, that was a nice windfall for us, really!
I'm so glad you could use them because they were going off to the goodwill or yard sale pile. I came home from the hospital after one chemo round and my MIL had been here only one full day and she had taken my boys to Old Navy and bought them so many new shirts that they didn't need.... I just don't like my boys being a walking billboard for old navy....
Anyways- I have been really thinking about things we need vs. want. As we prepare to move from our big house to a little apartment while DH is away with the Army it really makes me look at each item and think? Will I have room for this? Is it worth paying to put in storage?
I think the above posters are right that society makes us feel bad or out of place because we don't want or need all these things.
My mom thought I was "weird" when I said that I wanted to cut down our dishes to just a set of six because I won't have the space in our new apartment to store a lot of things.
Tawnya
PS Does anyone need some medium/small cloth diapers? I have a good size bag here and I'm just too lazy to take picture and list them somewhere....
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I think our biggest issue is learning to be content and happy without. Our society doesn't encourage it, quite the opposite. And it's HARD!! Even without watching a lot of TV, there's things I want. I can do without them. But I still want them. I'm trying to learn this lesson. I think it will help us tremendously.
It makes me think of the Duggers. They had how many people in a small house before they built their new one? And how many people criticize their clothing, etc. ?? But look at what they accomplished (well, with the help of good investments and a real estate career for dad) when they did without.
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Allison mama to:
DH (lol), Chrissy 15, Mikhail 12, Kiera 10, Kivett 8, Aislinn 6, Alannah 3, and fresh from the oven Kian Oliver-Bell 11/15/07
I think our biggest issue is learning to be content and happy without. Our society doesn't encourage it, quite the opposite. And it's HARD!! Even without watching a lot of TV, there's things I want. I can do without them. But I still want them. I'm trying to learn this lesson. I think it will help us tremendously.
Reading this makes me think about all the catalogs I get. I look through them and find tons of things that it normally wouldn't occur to me to buy. But as I look through the catalogs, I think 'oooh, wouldn't it be nice to have that' or 'you know, I could use that' or 'I reeeeaaallly want that' and so on. The same thing with shopping. I try never to go to a store without a purpose. If I window shop, I find myself wanting all sorts of things. And even if I don't buy them, I think they still reduce my quality of life because suddenly I find myself focused on what I don't have instead of feeling grateful for what I do have.
when i am focused on doing without, i do great not buying anything for myself or the house, although i often feel bad about not having anything cool to wear...uggg...so i still haven't beat the system there.
i have a hard time doing without clothes and shoes for ds. i *know* he has enough, but i still wish he had more, and i still look for "deals" throughout the season that are just unnecessary. juliebelle gave us a pair of shoes. why can't i be ok with one pair of shoes? it just seems like he should have one of every category of shoe. dd is still little, and even though she's a girl, i haven't found myself buying anything for her yet (she has hand me downs), thank goodness. but i figure it'll be hard later.
i have a hard time doing without certain food. i love to stop by somewhere and get myself a sweet tea. i feel like i deserve it, and it's only $1. i want to get special treats for ds. 3 cookies for $1 at subway, an ice cream cone here and there, a soy milk at barnes and noble, a special cookie at earth fare, a bag of animal crackers when he sees them at the store. uggg...it's everywhere, and we just don't need it. i KNOW i'm not depriving him of anything important if he doesn't have treats, but it's SO hard. especially b/c he's super sweet about it and is never throwing a fit for an ice cream or whatever he's asking for. i think i did a bad job of keeping him away from it in the first place so that he's not asking. darn it! i love dessert, and dh and i decided we would only eat popcorn (cheap and healthy) or fruit (healthy) after dinner at night. have we stuck to that? heck no. i feel deprived and end up buying ice cream or pudding or newman o's dipped in chocolate cool whip (why did i ever try that? ).
i have a hard time spending less money on gifts. i do ok, but i always go over a little. i had a mug, wahm soap, and incense...all things i paid nothing for...to give to a friend for her b-day. but it just didn't seem like quite enough, so i got a $5 card to earth fare. ok...lots of people would have spent more, but i just didn't need to/have the $5 to spend. i always do this.
the handle broke off of our van and it drives me crazy that it's hard to get dd in and out of the car, and i'm doing without there. that's a recent victory.
i NEED to be getting serious about doing without. thanks for the inspiration.
Location: firmly planted in the postmodern pastoral economy
Posts: 12,991
https://www.dmaconsumers.org/cgi/offmailing to get off direct mail lists. I did this and I think another one that I found through the forums at organizedhome.com (it's a sticky there somewhere) and I no longer get unsolicited catalogs or credit card offers. It saves me so much time each day not to have to rifle through unwanted mail! Plus I'm not tempted to spend.
Also in the past month or two I've unsubscribed from every mailing list that subbed me, like for places I've bought stuff online, or whatever. Each time one of those lands in my inbox I just follow the link to unsub. It's decreased my daily emails by a lot (and freed up more time).
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