How have you made staying home with your little ones doable?
I don't know if doable is the word I am looking for. I am wondering, for those of us who's dh's don't make 6 figures. . . and do want to be saving for retirement and college and actually go to a movie once in a while. How have you made that a reality? We live in an area where real estate is pricey. It feels like our mortgage is the one thing getting between us being comfortable and being strapped. But a mortgage doesn't have a whole lot of flexibility. What compromises have you made? What do you consciously do without? What won't you compromise on? DH and I are doing a lot of talking about what values we aren't willing to compromise and what we are. I am wondering if you've had these discussions too. And how you've come together if you disagree. I know it's a big question so I really appreciate your thoughts.
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I respect your opinion as an educated and intelligent adult and I hope you will do the same for me.
6 figures? you mean average people acually make that? sorry for the sarcasm.... Let's say my DH and my WAHM biz doesn't even make 1/2 a 6 fig income put together.
We now have our dream home and DH has been putting 3% of his gross income into an IRA (employer matches upto 3% too) and the rollover from the last job's is in a simple IRA. We haven't saved for the kid's college but I am sure my kids will do fine the same way DH and I did. Pay for your own or join the military
Sacrafices? I can't think of any except not taking a huge family vacation ever. We have DISH, Phone, Cell, Wireless ISP, New Cars, ect. We don't eat out too much and if we do it's normally Pizza or Chinese.
Two refinances on our house, spent down all savings, retirements and mutuals, 401K's etc. And when that wasn't enough, I started watching my friends kids in my home.
When I do go back to work in 2 years we'll have some debt and no savings at all, but it will be worth every penny and the next 25 years working to rebuild some sort of retirement.
oh well. Life is life. THis is all temporary. My kids are so worth it.
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~Barb
Mama to Chelsey,19, Zoey,8 and Roman, 5
Happy Holidays from my family to yours!
oh well. Life is life. THis is all temporary. My kids are so worth it.
Barb, i think I love you
As far as we are concerned, we're happy if we make 4 figures income in the month
We decided from the beggining that I would stay home and homeschool for the next 15 years.
We live simply, no cable, no cellphone, only one car, we don't eat out, we have no savings or retirment. College, if kids want to go they'll have to pay for it.
We're refinancing so we can start putting something aside for dh, cause he's getting older and was a monk for most of his life. I might take a part time night job in two years if we need it, but hopefully by then we'll be back in France.
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We have a natural connection with every living entity. One who sees everyone connected to God does not hate anyone, he loves everyone... and that love comes to the point where you consider other's pains and pleasures more important than your pains and pleasures.
Sacrifices we make..we almost never eat out, we don't vacation, we don't live in a pricey neighborhood with all of our friends. Kids are in PS vs. private, we don't have debt (except house and that means Dh drives an old car and I have a Ford minivan that we bought 1 year old and put every extra cent plus a small inheritance I got into paying off in 2 years) We always use any tax refund that may be ours to pay off any that we might have accidentally acquired - like the van. I don't buy new clothes except when in desperate need and the kids wear seconds or what the grandparents buy - that is more than enough. I shop at WM for groceries which I hate and we use WIC which I also hate. No cable. No ipod, LOL...nothing hi tech except for the computer!
What we don't sacrifice...me at home, family fun time (a rare trip to the movies or zoo - maybe once every couple of months, nutritious food, tithing to church, cell phone/internet. I need the cell to keep in touch with Dh when he is gone during Football season b/c he sleeps in his office and has no long distance there. I have gotten so used to having it when I travel alone that I would get rid of the landline first if it came to that. We have internet, but cheap. I would get rid of it before the cell phone too.
We are blessed to have generous parents who invite us on vacations and out to eat with them on occasion. We gladly mooch (I mean, accept!) and they love the time with the grandkids.
Sometimes it just seems like we are on thin ice, but it always works out. I don't feel like I am missing out on much. I do get a little down about the house and neighborhood sometimes, but I remind myself this is a choice we made and I am just happy to be home with the kids. It will be gone soon and Dh will kick my butt right out the backdoor (to work) with the last when he goes to school. I will miss the little house no money days.
I didn't mean to sound obnoxious by mentioning six figure families. I know they are out there and the way I figure it they have enough to have some spending money and savings. I have nothing against people with more money than we have. I was just wondering if there are any middle income families out there that are able to do it on one income. . . I have some modest financial goals. . . my dh wants to be able to enjoy his money. We can't do either right now. Most all the sahms I know irl have more spending money than I do and it's hard not to compare. And another, more difficult to define issue for me is that I feel strongly about being a sahm, but also unsupported emotionally. It's hard to stick to your ideals when it seems like all your dh thinks about is having a nice car. I need to work on not comparing, and being grateful.
Last edited by waterlily : 02-07-2006 at 05:57 PM.
We are in a higher income bracket, but we live frugally for the most part. We know that we may not always have the extra money, so we live like we're poor most of the time and bank everything else. Our goal is to be mortgage free and have a low cost of living so that we can earn money in a meaningful way. Right now my husband earns a lot of money but he doesn't like his job, and he works so many hours that we rarely see him. We hope that he'll only need to do that for another year or so. Then we'll be in a home we own outright, be able to supply a large portion of many of our own needs (food, energy, etc.), and be choosier about how we earn money to pay for the things that we must buy.
We tend to live on the simple side and are able to "make do" with what would be considered a small income. We don't go out to eat or take big vacations. Each summer we hit a few music festivals and go camping and that is just as good to us. I am a thrifter, and we have good thrifts, so we spend about $500 a year on clothing for all of us. We have one vehicle at the moment, and it is a new truck. It is technically a work truck so the payments come out of the busness savings and not personal. We have spent the last year putting every little bit of "extra" into paying off debt and now we are free and clear besides the truck. We started a savings, which we honestly never had before, and put money into that as much as we can. Seeing the cushion grow makes it easier to decide to not splurge.
For me, I find it really hard to spend money. I would consider buying an iPod or big screen TV a big waste, and I just couldn't do it. I look for deals when we want to buy something and take my time to really shop around to get the most for our dollars.
A few things we do not scrimp on would be good food. I would rather go without peanut butter than buy the Jiffy sugar laden stuff. The natural stuff is at least a dollar more, but it's that or nothing. We also do not scrimp on good Winter gear for the girls, they play outdoors so much in the Winter, we buy them Colombia or others good quality outerwear.
Also, for our family, without the constant messages from TV, we live without really being too aware of all of the "stuff" we are missing out on. We rarely splurge on ourselves, but we still are happy and have plenty. More than a lot of people are blessed to have.
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How Time Flies ~ Luna Blue is Two!
Tree hugging, vegetarian, breastfeeding, cloth-diapering, home schooling, drum playing Step-Mama to my sweet Nico Sage and Mama to my curly Kaya Jade and wee Luna Blue. Lovin my hottie ~ J. Blogging From the Boonies My Etsy Shop
Well right now because we are fixing up a home that we bought (paid in full) we are not doing any kind of savings right now. We also don't have cable tv. We own cars that are 11 years old. I'm sure once we are living in the new house rather than paying $350 a month in rent and with a new construct the energy bill will be less.
Things we compromised on:
no savings
no entertainment money (eating out, vacations, movies)
used/super sale price clothing except for dh
old/used furniture
we have cut out extra curriculars for the kids but I am not happy about it and this will probably change.
budgeted grocery shopping, few extras
I drive an old car and dh will be trading his car shortly to get rid of the payment(source of contention right now)
limit cost on family gifts and parties (we have a large extended family)
I limit my gas
the minimum for cable (I don't consider this a sacrifice though,just common sense, we wouldn't get reception otherwise and I can't see paying money for television and I would just as soon get rid of what we have).
commute of about 45 min for dh
we don't pay for services ( lawn, babysitters, trash pickup, etc)
we don't travel, out of town family visits us
what we haven't compromised on:
moderate home, dh wanted a home that did not need work
me staying home and not working for $
dh's hours, he is not a workaholic, he works 1 job, a predictable schedule not nights and weekend except when he is on call. Thank goodness we haven't had to compromise on this. He rarely travels.
cell phone for me, gives me peace of mind
homeschooling - it costs money and I can't work part time when the last kid gets to school age. (also a source of conflict)
dh makes a good living. . . cost of living is moderate here, not crazy like when we lived in CA, but not cheap.
what I find really challenging is dh is pretty unhappy. . . and it's hard for me to make friends when they are always wanting to do things that cost money.
I have been blessed to find some friends who like visiting. It can be really hard in the winter to feel homebound/cabin fever. As for dh, he wants to keep his car. But he doesn't want me to work so he can keep it. Sigh. I don't really know what I can do about that.
Last edited by waterlily : 02-07-2006 at 06:31 PM.
Well. DH makes a good chunk less than half of a six figure income, LOL, but we manage.
*We bought a house in the older part of town. That saved well over $100,000 right there.
*We do have one car payment (for my minivan), but DH drives our 10 year old Blazer.
*We buy all of our produce at a produce stand.
*We buy most of our meat in bulk at Sam's Club.
*DH has a cellphone (needs it for work), but I don't.
*We pay $10 per month for minimum cable.
*We buy a lot of clothing used, or trade for the kids' clothes.
*We find a lot of free/cheap things to do for entertainment.
*DH used to stop every morning for a coffee, but now he either drinks it at home or else takes it from home in his insulated mug.
*I bring snacks for the kids to the park and we come home for lunch instead of going for fast food with some of the other moms.
*We sign up the kids for free or very cheap activities, but we really can't afford for them to take dance/karate/etc classes at this time.
*Right now we don't have any savings, though we hope to have some soon once our income tax refund comes in.
I have to agree with Barb...all the scrimping is worth it so that I don't have to put the kids in childcare or send them to school.
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~Michelle
Christian homeschooling mama
to a Jumpin Bean (1/01)
and a Pumpkin Head (4/03)
It's hard to stick to your ideals when it seems like all your dh thinks about is having a nice car. I need to work on not comparing, and being grateful.
My friend and I talk about this all time. What is MORE important, your children whom will be yours forever and in whom you invest everything, or your car, which you might have for 5 years? I think dh needs to take a look at priorities. We have the nice truck, I will admit it, but on the flipside, we do not go to the movies, we have seriously cut down on eating out, we live in one of the smallest houses on the block and, to be honest, we had the truck before we found out we were pregnant w/dd #1, it has 0% financing and we will be done paying for it before we would be done paying for anything we could trade it in for. A new car is not everything, and if that is what is compramising your need to stay home, it is time for a sit down w/dh.
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Kari, Mama to 2 beautiful angels earthside
and one waiting for me on the other side.
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