Come and have a good cry with me will you?

[BlueRoseMama]

Frank just sent me a three day eviction notice. Actually it is worse than that... if we don't get out with in three days he not only evicts us, but he give my husband (who is primary on the lease) a criminal offence. Which would riun his career. I have no idea what I did to diserve this man as my father... but I am completely done now. I have spent the better part of three weeks crying over that fu&*er... and I hope the soulless freak rots in hell.

I honestly don't think I have ever been this angry ever before in my life.

And all I can do is cry.

[sleepypnutsmama]

YIKES Val! I can't believe that! He is CRAZY! I can't even begin to imagine what possesses him! Doesn't he know that you are moving out next week? How could a few days make such a difference to him??

Since your new rental is vacant will the landlord let you move in early? This would allow you not to have to put stuff in storage for such a short amount of time.

How can I help? I am available tomorrow (Thurs) afternoon, around 2:30. Or Friday morning on my way up to Seattle to see dh. I'll give you a call in the morning.

HUGS!

[mamabear]

That's horrible! Ooh, Val, I am *steaming* mad for you. That's just absolutely disgusting.

Is that LEGAL????

Oh, man. I don't even know what else to say. I'm shocked. Why is he being such a jerk about it?!?!??!?

[Lydiasmomma]

What a dink!!! I totally don't think that's legal. Don't you have to give 30 days? I can't believe the audacity of that man. He has got to have mental problems or something. There has to be some underlying reason for him to think he needs to kick his own daughter to the curb in such a hurry...

[~Amypooh~]

I am really sorry hon.

[volvomom]

and I think you should sever your ties with him at least temporarily if not longer.

I don't think he can legally make you leave in 3 days yet you'd need to hire a lawyer and they're expensive! Plus I am sure it would be stressful if you tried to stay a while longer since he wants you to go.

I am praying for you to have the strength to see this through in a rational manner.

When I was newly pregnant with my third, my DH and my children then ages 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 had a weird experience when we moved to Portland, Oregon. We flew out from GA where we were living and rented a house in OR and flew back to GA. When we finally got to OR (we drove in our Volvo station wagon with our 2 children and 2 dogs from GA to OR!!!) and the semi arrived with our stuff our neighbor became beligerant!?! He was mad the truck was blocking his driveway yet he never left and the truck would only be there a couple of hours while it was unloaded.

We had been left a note by the owners (who were in a nother country) that he was a *recluse*. I called the police and they said "Don't unpack the truck. You need to move. We don't want to come baack and pick up the pieces." They told us they had seen enough mental illness in their years on the police force to know this man was dangerous. The seasoned truck drivers (they were armed) said they didn't feel good about the neighbor. We got out the phone book and picked out a storage unit for the truck drivers to unload our stuff in since we couldn't afford for them to hold our stuff for us!

We were homeless. We spent $1500 on the house deposit and we were walking away (we got the money back eventually...). We had no place to live! We had no friends or family. We had two dogs with us!!! We ended up at a Motel 6 since they accept dogs. We took our dogs to a farm where a lady ran a dog shelter. We got a third floor walk up apartment (remember I was pregnant with 2 toddlers) on a rush basis since we related our experience.

You can choose to be strong in your situation. I cried too at mine. It's very stressful to have to make instant decisions when you feel threatened. I am praying for you.

[~Bethany~]

Oh. My. God. I am so sorry. Go, and be done with him. Cold hearted b*^tard.

(((hugs)))

[MomOfHeathens]

What an ass hat!

I would look into whether or not it's legal for him to do that. If not then send him a certified letter stating what the laws are and letting him know when you will be out.

He's being a f#cked up bully and yes hun it IS better for you to cut the ties with this man. He's toxic and only brings poison into your life.

Call some lawyers and ask some questions just so you know your rights.

When you leave, stuff a dead rat in the ventilation system. Sorry, hopefully I at least made you smile an evil smile...just a little.

[maryalene]

Oh wow! I don't think he can evict you in three days. I would call your state AG office - they should be able to tell you if it is legal. Either way, what an awful, stressful situation.

[BlueRoseMama]

Unfortunetlly it is completely leagal. We didn't pay rent this month... but the rent was due YESTERDAY folks... Well as in the 15th. And we got the notice last night... less than 24 hours later. No phone call to see if we were ok... no nothing. One day... for me and my entire family... not a LATE RENT notice... an EVICTION notice. A three day eviction notice.

I borrowed the rent from my step dad Randy... I would rather owe that man a million than owe Frank a f*cking dime.

I have spent this last two weeks writing this intense letter... Here it is... it is nearly 7 pages long... but this is the reason that I didn't get the answer to him 'on time'. Legally I was supposed to give him 20 days notice, but when that 20 days came round I didn't have it all out... I wasn't complete with it... and to severe ties with a human you cared about is a process. A true process that you must go through sort of as if they died. Well he's dead to me now... good god. In fact I have never wanted anyone to be struck by a random act of nature more. I hope his money makes him happy, because his sisters, his daughter and nearly everyone else who has known him from this side of the country is discusted and now hates him.

Anyway... here is the letter. (This was all written before the eviction notice... it is intense and I may not allow it to stay up here for long. If you read this whole thing I thank you. Welcome to my process. Lets take a walk.)

To my Papa, From the 7th to the Ides of March, '05

You will be able to sell the house any time after April 1st. I am moving.... I will drop off the keys with those people, and they can send them out to you. I have wanted to write you a letter talking about how much this house means to me... you don't care though. You just want your money... for you it has always been what is standing between you and your money. I will not be that ever again... have at the money your brother left you... have at it and make your life. I am not part of it anymore.

You are waiting for something like this... I know you are.... waiting for some reason to turn around and say “Yep... we were right about her. She is just as messed up as her mother.... good thing we wrote her off years ago.“ Just waiting. I can see Terry saying all of that too you just after you show her this letter... I can see her justifying all the times she washed her crystals just before I left to get rid of the 'bad energy', or ripped my room to shreds and put all my clothes in the shower, or put all my stuff in the van and dropped me off somewhere... anywhere... you didn't give a ****. What am I saying? I have NO IDEA what you cared about then... ALL I know is that it WASN'T me. (But remember, I am not your “last priority“) All the times she screamed at me over the phone, and told me about all of the terrible people in her life. Barb, Lani, my mom, her mom, Zach. I don't live like that... I will not harbor hate. Mom and Terry both do. It is SO sad to see such amazing people get so twisted with hate for no reason.

“NO REASON! No reason!!!!” Yep I can HEAR her ranting now. And I know you will never forgive me for saying these things out loud that I have been thinking for years. Oh well... you never cared enough to say anything when I was watching my tongue. You never even cared enough to make it a priority to write me back. Here are a few things for you, a few questions you should answer for yourself but that I never want the answer too:

Did you know that you signed my notes from you 'Papa' until I was 25 years old. You did not stop when I moved in here... What made you stop after that? All of a sudden you are Frank... or fff... What the hell does that mean anyway? What changed in your head where I was no longer your daughter? Have to let me go because mom had her hooks in me? Or because I made changes to my life you didn't approve of? (Do you know mom has lived in CA for 3 years now... hooks in me indeed.)

Why didn't you even send me a birthday card this year? I had the one from last year, and the one from the year before up on my wall for the last two years. You saw them.

Why do you feel as though I have to forgive your partner, but I am not allowed to forgive my own mother? I don't get that. My mom may have treated you terribly, but Terry treated me terribly... who would you forgive? Is that why you stopped signing my letters 'Papa'?

When you wrote me and told me that you would not be able to write me often and this whole 'me only writing you when you wrote me thing' wasn't going to work, did you ever guess that maybe I was asking for a conversation with you? Imagine that... a conversation with my own father... who would have thought?

Do you have any idea how much it hurt not to have it be a 'given' that you would come to my wedding? (Oh but remember... you were right about me... I am just a money grubbing ***** like my mom. Don't forget that.)
Do you know what you said when I told you that I loved living here? Do you remember? “Oh honey, don't worry... you are not my last priority.“ Bah! I am not your LAST PRIORITY?? Could've fooled me.

Do you realize how old I was when you started telling me how terrible mom was? I was 8 years old... do you have ANY clue how young that is to hear your mom is a raving *****, even if it could be true? Mental abuse... that is what that is. Strait up mental abuse.

Do you know how many times I cried myself to sleep missing you when I was a kid?

Why, when for the first time in our lives I could actually be a friend and not need your guidance as a parent, did you decide you didn't want that anymore?

Why do you treat me as a bad tenant? I am a wonderful tenant. Do you know that is a self fulfilling prophecy? And when you say "that is the nature of renting" it is easy for me to read "that is the nature of renting from ass holes" because I have NEVER (and I have moved more than you) had a landlord not consider what I needed when I moved out. Even the most business-like, treat you like a human being when you move out... why? Because it inspires you to act like one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do you know I don't have one single bad memory of actually being with you? I remember every time I was with you, you were charming, funny, attentive, sweet, and kind. But I have hundreds upon hundreds of memories where you weren't there. Where you would move and not leave me your address. Where you would drop me off blocks away from my house and make me walk... the weather never mattered. Only your pride. Your comfort. Where you would make me wait... for hours and hours, sitting in front of that window in the kitchen... and then call and say “this weekend just won't work out”. Where you left me at Brenda's and said to me “We may not see you for a while, we have to get our lives back.“? I remember wondering why I was not part of that life. The more I think about it... the more each and every bad memory I have with you I was NOT with you. I was without you. You had abandoned me once again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can't see what you see in me... And frankly I wouldn't want to. It never seems like you like me or trust me much even when we do talk. It is just better if we go our separate ways. I keep thinking about the last few times we have talked, or I have gotten a note from you (before Uncle Zach died) and every single time that I can remember you talked about Eric Marning and how lucky I was NOT to have HIS baby. Do you realize that was nearly 13 YEARS AGO? That is almost half my life. But you can't let it go. Would you want someone in your life that thought so little of what you had done for the last 10 years that they had to bring up the crap you dealt with when you were a teen, long after you were a parent?

Or what about me bringing up all the terrible things you did as a parent and never acknowledging the things you did that I will always cherish?

Here is that side of it for me:

What about me talking about how Terry ripped up my room and you didn't even help me clean it up? When my mom screamed at me when I would defend you over and over again? Or when you guys kicked me out of your house... how about trying those memories on for size when you bring up Eric, and how ****ed up I was. Did you ever put any of that TOGETHER??? I was a lost kid... and there was NOTHIING anyone did that made it any easier on me. You guys hate each other still... and honestly I DON'T CARE. I should NEVER have known how terrible two people could be to each other... never. I was a ****ing kid!! Am I lashing? Am I angry? YOU BET I AM!

I was stuck in an impossible battle between the two people I looked up to the most... that should have had nothing to do with me. NOTHING. I was a child!! And the thing is, I wasn't a bad kid. I didn't do drugs ever, I didn't even have that much sex... and yet you couldn't handle it... after fighting for me for 6 years, you sent me away within 7 months. Even then I was a kid... but before that... I was such a little kid when that all started... when you made the choice that your 'life' was more important than my mind. Where you and Terry would sit me down and talk to me about how 'evil' the things my mom was doing were and how I needed to “severe the chord of energy and heal it back up whole“ because she was so 'toxic'. Or talk about how terrible she was and when the refrigerator came on you would say that confirmed the argument you had. Then you kicked me out... excuse me... allowed your “partner” to kick me out. The whole time saying how “relieved” she was and how “glad” she was for this to “almost be over”... then years later you ask why I don't send her little notes when she sends my children gifts. (Did the fridge just turn on? 'Hmm... she might be on to something here.')

My whole store of childhood memories are littered with the painful realization that my parents HATED each other... not just disliked... actually wanted to cause each other harm. YOU... You did too... I know just what you are thinking now. That 'you did nothing'... that you only wanted to keep what was 'yours'. But you didn't fight for me... you didn't stop these crazy women from screwing with my mind... you fought for money though... boy, what a nice thing as a child to be put up against. Just as you are now. I spent YEARS thinking all I had to do was be quieter... not bring up mom as much. Not talk as much... tell you I love you more... be more understanding to the fact that she was terrible to you.

I recently realized that when you guys (you AND mom) started warping my mind I was the same age Alex is now. He is a god **** baby. I would NEVER do that to him... I put a conscience effort into NOT hurting him. I don't remember a single time where you two did that. Where you actually told Terry to stop bashing on my mom because it hurt me. I don't remember a time where anyone told my mom to stop bashing on you because it hurt me. Between the two of you I thought for years that I was a worthless piece of ****. My parents made me feel like nothing. Sounds like the healthy picture of childhood doesn't it? I doubt that you could even imagine some of the horrors it was growing up for me. At least after you guys started your pissing contest over a god ****ed bank account. (Oh but remember... Terry had it worse... she had it MUCH worse than I did. ALWAYS worse that what I had. I was graced to at least have had you guys who were such a piller of sanity when my mother was so crazy. Oh yes... you said all of that.)

I may have ended up just like my mom in your eyes... but I have said ALL of this to her as well. She has gotten it too... two of you made me. It was more than one side... When do you two realize that when you are at the point where you are 'writing off' everyone around you, that it is YOU who is messed up? WHEN??!??

I have passed the phase of being nice... I AM ANGRY! I am so much like you in the sense that it takes a whole hell of a lot to piss me off like this... and I am done. You have hurt me, and made me cry SO many times I have lost count years ago. I put on a happy face FOR YEARS for you because I believed it was all my mom... and then I thought that it was my mom and Terry. But you allowed it to happen... you stood by and allowed these things to damage me at 9, 10,13,15 years old and didn't give a rats ass what it did to me. (Was I EVER enough of a priority that you didn't allow people to hurt me??) And now, being a parent with a broken relationship... now I KNOW what it is like to have to put on a happy face for my kid when his dad does something that I hate... I KNOW what it takes... and I have it. I do things like that... I stop myself from saying things that will make Alex think badly about Chris... for Chris??? Hell no.. FOR ALEX! I DO the things you guys NEVER did. I don't tell Alex, EVER, anything about what an ass hole Chris was, or what 'could have been if someone else had been his' father (what about if Lani had been my mother, Papa? What about that? Would things REALLY have been better? I mean... you said it SO many times.) I save my son from the hell I was in... from knowing that our failed relationship would not be a relationship at all anymore without him. From having the reminder EVERY ****ING DAY he was an UNWANTED CHILD.

I should have NEVER known how much you two hated each other. I should have been protected from that at least. From the rituals I was made to do to “clear the energy” of my own mother whom I LIVED with... did you really think that was HEALTHY for an 11 year old kid? To deal with my “mothers energy” coming through my eyes “that are so much like hers” and be made to feel like that was bad? What do you think that DID to me??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I find it so interesting that you spent YEARS trying to make sure “she” didn't turn me 'against you' and in the end you did it all by yourself. Ironic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were so many beautiful things that you and I did when I was young. I don't forget those... I don't... But I am not fooled into thinking that you remember or care about any of it. You think of me as you do a snake you stepped on waiting to bite you... or **** you stepped in. And I don't care which anymore.

Your perception of family does not include your only child... and now that I am finally able to be your friend (as you so often said was 'all you wanted to be' with me) you don't act like you want that anymore. So I don't need you in my life. I have learned to deal with the people in my life that actually love me... you don't. I don't need it. And it seems as though this will come as a relief for you. I will continue to write this, and as soon as I feel at peace with it, I will send it to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have always been so afraid of my anger towards you, because I know it reminds you of my mother. But I can't afford to be peaceful for you anymore. There are bits of what you have done that I have carried with me into my adult life. Hurt that will never go away... and I am angry about them. I am HURT by you and the things you have done. If I sound like mom, I don't care anymore. Write me off.. I ask you PLEASE write me off... don't ever suck me into your web of lies that allow me to think you care about me. Don't ever let me think you love me again. All that does is hurt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have spent weeks now, trying to figure out through all of this, what would possess you to treat me like this. I honestly have no idea. The last time you knew me I had not even gotten my full height. And I doubt you knew me well then. It has come to my attention that you never wanted children. I was the product of a unseen ****ing, that lead to years of pain and trouble for you and obviously not much else. You don't remember the times when I spent putting my hand in your back pocket to walk across a street, or held on to your index finger because your whole hand was just too big for me to hold on to. You don't remember camping trips we took together, or eating popcorn from the microwave watching 'Back to the Future' for the 25th time just because I wanted to.

You can't possibly remember renting 'Sixteen Candles' every year from my 11th till my 15th birthday on my weekend with you.

Or remember the piece of hair I cut off and braided to send to you when I was in Michigan along with a picture of us camping because I missed you so much, and thought all I needed to do was love you more.

You must not remember when we used to go get Chocolate eclairs and Dalihas from the farmers market for Terry on Sunday mornings. Or when we would sit at Dancing Goats while she meditated and tried to get rid of her many headaches.

You don't remember all the times when I would wait for you for hours, just to have you call and say you weren't coming.

Or the time when I showed up to surprise you on Christmas at Barb's house... just to have you turn around and call Terry and leave.

I was 10 that time.

I remember it well.

See I remember all of this. And I thank you for each and every one of those memories... because I did, and do somewhere, love you dearly. If you ever want to hear something from my heart, this is it... this is the real me:

I thought you were a God growing up, and I still have a bit of that in me. I wanted to be just like you... look like you, walk like you. I still remember the pride I felt when my mother would tell me I stood with my knees just a little backward just like you, even when she did not mean it as a compliment. Or when I was told by people at Centralia College how great you were, and just how much I looked like you when I started going there with Alex. How much I wanted him to have your last name.

I remember waking up from a bad dream and having you run to meet me in the hallway... even though we were only one room away.

I remember the only time you ever spanked me... for pushing my 4 yr old brother down the stairs, and how much I knew it was wrong, only because of how angry you were.

I remember teasing the cat, and how many times you had to say "no" but that is was still fun anyway.

At least for a while.

I remember learning the story of how I was conceived, and listening with rapture while you told me about the thunder storm while you guys lived in the tent and mom was pregnant with me.

I still shutter when I first hear thunder.

I remember you giving me a silver, spring-loaded tea ball when I was 13 because I was obsessed with making tea, and for the whole summer I made you guys tea from every bush I could find... you taught me that one bush NOT to eat in the backyard, and you acted like you liked every tea I made anyway, when I know now some of that tea had to be terrible.
I remember, that same summer, getting rained out when we camped at the Ho Rain Forest, and having to cram, soaking wet into the van in the middle of the night. I made huckleberry tea the next morning as we hung up the sleeping bags on lines and I remember how proud I was that you guys actually liked it.

I remember just loving pictures of you and me.

I remember you putting oil in my ear when I came to visit you in Arizona and I had that terrible ear infection.

I remember building a snowman with you that winter we got feet of snow... not very well... I couldn't have been more than 6... but I remember just loving being with you.

People still tell me how I look like you. Stand like you. Talk like you.

You and I had a life together... and it makes this rejection so much more painfully complete.

I am not some person who has ruined you life. I loved you, and all I ever wanted was for you to love me as much.

I want to thank you for so many things. I want to embrace everything I know you are. I thank you for my voice. I use it all the time... I sing to my children, and sing with my friends. I love my guitar, which I have waited for years to play... and I play with my children as I see pictures of you with me.
I want to thank you for my height... it is not always easy being tall... the countertops in nearly every house I have been in (but this one) aren't tall enough when I am cooking. But I do love it when I hug someone and they barely come up to my chest. That is a feeling I loved as a kid... being hug-smothered by you. My friends and family now find comfort in my hugs that way.

I thank you so much for showing me the different sides of the world. Not so much with you as through you, and through where you wanted to be. Through that I saw what I wanted to be. I remember listening to you, and wishing I had been with you, or seeing through your eyes when you were in Europe, or the time you spent in Hawaii. Seeing pictures with awe.

I want to thank you for all of the gifts you gave me in life. I am the only of my brothers and sisters that does not have some very serious health problems. I attribute that to you. I have very strong genes, and will age well... as you have. I thank you for that.

I thank you for my love and devotion to my partner. Don and I are very truly happy.... as I hope you and Terry still are. I only had one example of that growing up... you.

I thank you for teaching me to be compassionate with animals... for my love for cats.... and for finding peace just watching a hawk fly. The first time I fell in love with hawks was on a trip you and I took in the red and white van so I could fall asleep for my nap. I don't remember how old I was, but I was very young... and we took a drive and you stopped on the side of the road so I could see a hawk fly by. I have still never seen anything more beautiful... except maybe my kids. I thank you for the gift of beautiful children who will grow to be tall, thin, and healthy as I have.

I thank you for this and much more. I release you from any responsibility you still hold in being my parent. I release you from worrying about me, because I had so much love when I was younger, that it makes your rejection harder, but my life easier every single day.
I release you from being a grandparent. They don't know you... you have no ties to them but through me... and now there are none.

Although I wish you nothing but love, and I hope that your life is as full as it can possibly be with the things you are making for yourself... I never want to speak to you again. You do nothing but hurt me.

I am not my mother.
I will not make this about me.

I honestly believe you hurt me because you don't know you are hurting me. Nothing more. You have no idea what my life looks like, or how deliberately I live each and every day of it. You have not put in the effort it would take the know if the things you 'know' about me are right or wrong. You only see through your eyes as I only see through mine. And I need this chapter of my life to end now.

I release you.

You are no longer my Papa.

And I release you with love.


Love Val





















“The life our children actually live, and the life you perceive them to be living is not the same life.“

~ Robert Fulgum

[~Bethany~]

[nanci]

Wow.....my heart is aching for you!!

[thrillhouse]

Originally Posted by Bethanydear

Oh. My. God. I am so sorry. Go, and be done with him. Cold hearted b*^tard.

(((hugs)))

I don't know you situation, but I totally agree with this statement.

Simplifying your home is good, but so is simplifying your relationship with a&^holes, even if they happen to be "related". I ditched my relationship with my father about 10 years ago, and these have been the best 10 years of my life!



you can get past him and carry on with your awesome family! baggage is baggage whether it's junk or jerks.

[arasmama]

I'm sorry Val. Unfortunately, it is legal, but if you pay the rent in those three days, he can't do anything.

[lala]

Big hugs Val....

I hope you gave him a copy of that letter. Even if he doesn't read it, it is the ceremony that you need to release all of that hurt back into his hands, the hands responsible for it.

Take a shower and douse yourself in white vinegar. It cleanses the emotions.

Drink some nerve tonic tea.

Hug your husband and your babies extra tight,
and know that everything will now,
from this step forth, be good, be right.
Surround yourself with light.