Mamas with MultiplesDo you do double or triple duty through every baby stage? Having multiples has its own parenting difficulties- especially when you are trying to parent gently and naturally... please share your thoughts and questions here in your special multiples forum
I picked up the Kindergarten registration packets for their school yesterday they said I would have to speak to a guidence counselor about the twins placement.
Today I spoke to the guidence counsler and they want to meet with us and discuss this matter. They want them separated. She said that all the kids that have been in separate classrooms do great that way. I asked if they ever put them together and they said once and they had emotional problems and had to be separated later. I wondered why she didn't mention this as an argument to separate them. So I asked why they put them together in the first place and she said they had emotional problems and put them together. That's why she didn't mention that before, they had emotional problems to begin with.
The twins can't decide if they want to be together or separated.
Brandon seems to want to be together and says he wants a different class when Amanda says she doesn't want him in her class. They mostly say they want the same class and I tried to explain that they will see each other after school if they are in different classes. but then they said they do not have to play together in the same class just be in the same class. They have been saying that they want to be together more than different rooms. I spoke with Dh this evening and at first he said separate. I was surprised. I said I do not now how they will be separated for such a long time. They never went to pre-school or daycare so they were never together in a group setting without us. After a little while they will look for each other and get upset if dh takes one to the store and not the other. At first Lee said other kids go to separate classes. I told him that they also don't do the same things at the same time and grow up together like that. We just moved here and after losing our house and moving in with my sister (we have half her house, They were having financial trouble too), then starting school for the first time is going to be stressful enough but to separate them too will be even worse.
I really want to put them together for the first year and then see
how it works and then separate them. They are b/g and they are
independent but also end up together after playing separately for a while.
I will have to dig up research (I read about it a long time ago and
didn't keep any of it because I didn't need it then) and bring it
with us.
If anyone, with or without multiples, has any info I could use please send it my way. Any insight is welcome. Thanks
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Kathy
Mom to Amanda and Brandon
07/11/1999
I don't have any experience in this section, but I wanted to tell you that I think your suggestion to keep them together for the first year and see how it goes is a good one. Sounds like that is what your gut is saying and you know them better than anyone else, especially after the move.
Go with your gut, you know best
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Becky, mama to Althea Rose (9/6/02), my light and smiling star. Email Amity Feedback
no twins here, but my sister put hers in the same class for preschool (3 days a week, 9-12). for kindergarten, she and b-i-l met with the school and talked to the twins to see what they wanted. the boy wanted separate and the girl wanted same. they went with separate partly because in both classes there were children they already knew from preschool and playgroups. it is going well and i think they like talking about the different things they do and learn.
It just seems like most people just go with the school and most schools have experience with other siblings being in the same class and automatically separate all families. Twins are different they have done everything together. Yes the twins that are separated do fine, but I wonder if they could have done better, if they were kept together.
Normally I would say separate family members in school but the twin relationship is so different. I never realized until I had the twins. They were born together, nursed together til they 3 1/2, potty trained together go to sleep together, bathe together and have always done it like that. They never did things like that on their own and then have another child added to the family.
that plus the fact that they have never gone to school together like preschool or day care where I would separate them now, just a different school.
When we go to playgroup they do play separatly but end up together again, because they wonder where the other one is.
if your instincts tell you to keep them together, don't let the school pressure you into doing something you feel isn't right for your children. you are their only advocate, do what you feel is right for them.
I would keep them together. It seems to me that it would less traumatic to separate them if problems do develop than it would be to put them together because one or both aren't coping with the separation. Then at the end of the year you can all re-evaluate the situation. Your twins probably don't really understand what it means to be in the same or separate classes
but by Christmas break they probably will.
I plan on keeping my girls together unless a problem develops.
My kids are younger, but I would definitely say follow your gut. I think they tend to like to separate twins because they sometimes have a really dependent relationship where one twin always speaks for the other, one does things for the other, or one hides in the shadow of the other. My b/g twins are very independent and have very different personalities, and I think they would do fine together *or* separated. From reading other lists, the issues that come up with school-aged twins seem to be related to competition and dependency.
Especially since they have not been in a preschool enviornment, I think it's too much to have them go to kindergarten and at the same time be separated. Your gut is speaking strongly, and you should listen to it! Don't let the school railroad you--they know a lot, and you should let them know that you respect that and value their opinion, but you know your kids the best and you have the final say.
ERIC digest on twin placement in school: http://www.ericdigests.org/1999-2/twins.htm (ERIC is an important database of scholarly research on education topics; this would be a great one to print out and share with your school)
I hope this helps!
Hugs,
Cate
Thanks this part really stuck out.
by about the age of 5, each of the twins is capable of initiating and maintaining satisfying relationships with nonsibling peers. If the answer is "yes," then separation would not be warranted. If the answer is "no," then separation, perhaps for part of the day, might be attempted on an experimental basis.
Which the answer for both of them is yes they can and do, but they do end up together in the end. They are back and forth between the friends and each other and sometimes together with their freinds.
So they do not have a problem with their own social developement but they are very close and spend more time playing together than apart when there is a choice.
I agree, go with your gut. They will usually not object to being together, but may object to being separated. If it becomes an issue you can always change things next year. Kindergarten is nice, but it is not as critical a time as the school will make you think (laying the foundation and so forth). One trial year at this incredibly early stage of their formal education is perfectly reasonable.
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Christine
Proud mom of Daniel and Abigail 6/21/02
Loving wife to Hugo 9/20/98
Award for 3.5 yrs nursing Twins
bump-any insight, even singleton moms
, Olivia 3, Eva 20 months
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