Mamas with MultiplesDo you do double or triple duty through every baby stage? Having multiples has its own parenting difficulties- especially when you are trying to parent gently and naturally... please share your thoughts and questions here in your special multiples forum
I got this from my twin group thought it was funny
Things NOT to say to a mother (parent) of twins:
1. You don't look like the mother of twins. What, exactly, is the mother of twins SUPPOSED to look like? Tearful and disheveled, with spit-up stains on both shoulders?
2. Are they identical? A fair question about twins of the same sex,but some people don't seem to understand that opposite sex twins CAN'T be identical.
3. Better you than me! It's hard to respond to such a negative remark. Keep in mind that having twins isn't all horror stories, and while these moms do have double the diapers, they also have twice the love and kisses.
4. Did you take fertility drugs? Whether they did or not, its a very personal question. How rude!!
5. My two children are so close in age, they're practically twins.
But, they are not. They won't start school together, share a birthday,or face years of being lumped together as one unit, forever referred to as "the twins".
6. You've got your hands full. Mothers of twins are fully aware of this fact. The only response to this dopey comment is to stick out my stomach and say, "I certainly will be by the time the triplets arrive!"
7. Two for the price of one! Well, not exactly, twins can't take advantage of hand-me-downs -- they grow out of clothing at the same time. And where are the savings in having to buy two sets of shoes, every few months? Or two car seats or two of each toy?
8. Double trouble. The biggest problem with this comment is that everyone who says it is convinced it's the first time you've heard it. The best answer, usually stated through gritted teeth, is, "Not at all. It's a double blessing." and we mean it.
So, if your wondering what's appropriate to say to a stressed-out, exhausted mother of twins, just three little words will do: "Twins? How lovely!"
__________________
Kathy
Mom to Amanda and Brandon
07/11/1999
That was great! The ones that get me the most are :
"Do they run in your family?" - trying to get out whether or not you took IF meds, I usually say "They do now!"
"Are they natural?" Huh? What are "unnatural babies?"
"Which one is the bad twin?" Excuse me?
And, as you and Janice said, the people (some of my friends included) who likened having two kids close together to having twins. Um, NO - it's NOT the same!
And my kids will always have each other in a way non-twin siblings won't.
It is amazing, isn't it, how people feel that b/c you have multiples they can comment on your kids. But at the same time I do love showing off my little angels and wouldn't have had it any other way (except for maybe the newborn period and the nursing issues)
__________________
Christine
Proud mom of Daniel and Abigail 6/21/02
Loving wife to Hugo 9/20/98
Location: In the Land of Golden Warmth, Surrounded by Majestic Mountains, Inspired by Desert and Ocean, Cocooned in Love
Posts: 2,775
Re: Things NOT to say to a mother (parent) of twins:
Quote:
Originally posted by besttwins 5. My two children are so close in age, they're practically twins.
But, they are not. They won't start school together, share a birthday,or face years of being lumped together as one unit, forever referred to as "the twins".
I would never say this to someone who actually has twins, but I have said it to mothers of kids who are spaced farther apart. FTR, my boys are 14 months apart.
My boys do everything together; eat, sleep, bathe, play. They share all the same toys. They go everywhere together. The oldest has no memory of life before you youngest came along. We're homeschooling and the are both going to start Kindergarten together. And they are lumped together as one unit, "the boys." At the park it's hard to get them to play with other children because their bond is so strong that they only want to play with each other.
In some ways having closely spaced siblings is more of a challenge than having twins in the beginning, because you have one mobile baby/toddler while you have a newborn. Baby A is getting into everything while you're trying to feed/diaper/rock Baby B. You have two in diapers, two nursing or needing bottles, two that wake in the middle of the night.
Of course, once they are both toddlers, twins are much harder to keep track of! My aunt has twins that are 2 months younger than my oldest, and while I definitely had it harder when my youngest was a newborn, she had it harder once both boys were walking, because once my youngest was walking my oldest was 2YO and no longer getting into everything.
I just thought I'd try to explain why moms of closely spaced siblings say that. We know they aren't twins, but we share a lot of the same joys and frustrations.
Re: Re: Things NOT to say to a mother (parent) of twins:
Quote:
Originally posted by KimberMama while I definitely had it harder when my youngest was a newborn, she had it harder once both boys were walking, because once my youngest was walking my oldest was 2YO and no longer getting into everything.
While I respect your opinion it's still not quite the same. You only have two hands and you have both newborn screaming and you have to leave one baby screaming because you have to change a diaper or dress the other.
I do not know of any mother who can bear to let a baby especially a newborn cry without feeling like dirt. BFing and everything else was a piece of cake compared to the heartwrenching screams of a baby waiting their turn.
My mom had kids that were 15 months apart and said it was like having twins until I had mine. Even though I was a baby myself when my brother was born she could at least distract me a little while working with my brother.
There are always two sides (sometimes a lot more) to a story just thought I let you know part of the reason that statement sticks in the craw of twin moms
Last edited by besttwins : 05-22-2004 at 03:56 PM.
Award for 3.5 yrs nursing Twins
]
Linear Mode
