amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

MiMi123 · 10-04-2005, 01:36 AM

I've had this feeling lately that I don't really think I want to be pregnant again or birth another baby. I've just finished reading a few threads here from last March, but rather than revive them, I thought I'd start anew.

When I birthed dd, I didn't feel that I wouldn't have more kids. So, I just don't feel like I've maybe enjoyed every moment as much as I would have if I knew she was the last. So, for that maybe I'd like 1 more to soak up every moment of infancy. Although I did get a fancy u/s with her b/c I did think, if she is the last, no regrets. I just feel in the last few months my focus hasn't been on enjoying every moment of their lives.

I've always felt that when the time came to be done, I would just know. We have 3. A part of me would like more, like 6 and another part of me says if we were to have no more I'd feel complete. I've overcome the depression from c/s#1 and the traumatic birth that was. I've overcome breastfeeding issues after c/s#2 and a lot of hard work. I've overcome c/s to have a hb and the easiest bfing experience of all. I've completed my journey in birthing, why risk messing that up?

So, yes, fear is a factor, I must admit. A friend just this summer lost her baby at 26 1/2 wks -- I can't begin to imagine the pain. I cry for her, but I can not know the depth to which that pain extends (teary now). I've had 2 c/s, and an uneventful hb, you know what if it isn't so 'next time'?

Reading about going through the clothes and things to give away had me in tears. I can't even get rid of the bottles I had for ds#1 (and those bottles were the biggest emotional pain I have, bigger than the failed vaginal birth) even though I've exclusively bf #2 and #3. I still have the sticky nipples (or maybe I did finally throw those out). Next I'll be ditching those mainstream birthbooks...

But I feel we aren't done having children come into our lives. At one point, we attended Foster Parent training and we both would like to be foster parents when the time is right for our family. Maybe that is the answer, maybe it's our time to foster parent children under 2 and as our youngest grows up increase the age for foster children.

Of course my thoughts on being finished could be for not. My period came and faded, then I've had pink staining into the early ovulation period which makes me think that maybe I'm pregnant (ds2 was conceived on day 6 of my cycle -- OB confirmed ultrasound on day 6 of egg releasing and being told to go home and have sex). Right now, I do not want to be pregnant, I'm 60 pounds over weight. I was only 35pounds over weight in my last pregnancy and that was okay. At 60lbs over weight I wouldn't even look cute pregnant for some nice photography work to charish the "last one". If only I hadn't let my charting with TCOFY go after traveling this summer... I'm having twingy pains too. And my face is starting to clearing up after being an acne mess for the last 7 months at least.

Any thoughts on how you just knew? Was it a feeling of completeness? A feeling of no regrets? Or just a decision you made with or without your partner. I could go on into my late 30s having babies, but I don't think I want my dh to be approaching retirement realizing like my dad that he can't b/c he still has children at home. We have dreams too at what point do you say it's time to let go so we can plan our future together w/o tiny tots?

BTW -- dh is on board for more, he is talking about putting 2 bd downstairs for all our kids. I still think this is a good move, but maybe it won't be for more biological children, maybe it will be for children who we will call our own, but who didn't come from us???

Conflicted... Maybe that is just how moving forward from baby land is...

nanci · 10-04-2005, 11:24 PM

I don't know....I still have those baby pangs and want another. I thought I'd be a mama to at least 4 or 5 but I have 2 great challenging kids. For me, the wanting another never stopped.

Our friends couldn't decide whether to have another baby after 2...so they flipped a coin!!! Heads = vasectomy and Tails = another baby. It was heads and that is how they decided.

I have to say, not having to worry about bcontrol is nice!!

Good luck on your journey!!

amyorama · 10-09-2005, 09:09 AM

I know the feeling. We have four kids now and I am uncertain if I can have another pregnancy with three boys running amuck, jumping off of everything and other various dangerous activities.

I have to watch them every second, or they do things like pee in the recycling bin.

I'm 33 y/o now, so I feel like I don't have a lot of time, like I did when I was in my early twenties.

I know if I were to become pregnant, I'd be able to manage-anyone would-because you HAVE to, You can't just lay down and die, right?LOL My DH works odd hours, for instance,the last three days he's worked 15 hour days. You think I could ask him for help knowing he's slept only hours and has to work another 12+ hour shift? Point being, I feel like I'd need to hire some help. Like we could afford that.

Barb · 10-09-2005, 10:11 AM

For us there was definetly a feeling of the family finally being complete. Whole.
My dh just turned 45 yesterday. I turned 40 this summer. We're no spring chickens. We also aren't wealthy people. If we won the lottery it could definetly influence our choices but as of today we're not in any position to raise more children. Part of it for us was also the way our kids are spaced I guess. I was a single mama when I met dh - so she was almost 11 when her sis was born. Then 3 years later brother came.

After Zoey was born and we had the older dd and younger dd, I just knew there was another out there and dh knew it too. Both the girls expressed (even zoey at age 2) that there should be another baby. I was able to vba2c and have my only natural birth with roman at age 38 - huge closure for me as well.

With my now 16yo dd, my 5yo dd and my 2yo ds all of us believe this is our family. I have no feelings of another soul being out there waiting for us, or any personal emotional need to birth another child. I'm really enjoying this chapter of just raising my children and enjoying my friends babies lol. Babysitting really helps me with that.

Dh had his vasectomy and every once in a while will say something bout having it reversed to have another baby lol and we laugh.. oh how we laugh... (he he he)

I'm enjoying this. I'm done having babies. Told Chels she can give me another 8-10 years and then she can give me a grandbaby