Mamamorphosis~All about mama growth... when we are no longer mamas of babes and we become mamas of older children as well as ourselves... new chapters and lots of change!
I've promised dh could have the big V done after this babe is born. He was done after #2 (#3 was a surprise for both of us, but the others were planned) and gave me more babies even though he was more than happy with the ones we had
Though I have to say - I'm done too. With homeschooling and stuff, I just can't see myself adding more kids. Not unless I compromised in the way I raise them, and I don't want to do that! Plus - I'm looking forward to the time where it will be just dh and I. We've never had that.
But the baby lust.... The thought of not nursing another babe after this one, the sweet moments of having a newborn, etc. I'm really going to miss those things.
How do you deal with it? Does it go away? I'm hoping it will be easier, knowing I AM done. I feel done. Maybe I'll have to borrow a newborn every once in a while, lol, at least until my kids start having their own babes!
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Allison mama to:
DH (lol), Chrissy 15, Mikhail 12, Kiera 10, Kivett 8, Aislinn 6, Alannah 3, and fresh from the oven Kian Oliver-Bell 11/15/07
I have to say this time a number of factors came into it. My oldest is officially an adult, I'm 39 so I'm not getting younger, it's harder to be pregnant as you age, my boobs are gonna reach the floor at this rate...etc..
I think I just think about all of that, and birth and that I'd have to carry the baby again and it just isn't all that easy, though there are times when pregnant that it is thoroughly enjoyable, there are more times when it is hard for me.
I suppose I knew I was done this time from the beginning when I was so sick and grumpy...I just can't face that again. It's OK, Sophie is my 4th baby and my 1st is all grown and will someday give me wonderful grandbabies to play with..meanwhile, I have many years of enjoying Sophie growing..I just know I'm done..
I think some days I want one more then I think about all the other stuff and I'm done..
HTH
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Meg
Mama to Alexis, 21; Jacob, 18; and Elijah 11/20/02 and Sophia Jane, 11/20/04
Allison took this picture of my lovely girl:
The factors in Meg's life are pretty much the same in mine. This body just doesn't want to function as it used to. I will have one more baby, but for sure know that he/she will be the last, and I am very much okay with that choice.
A few years ago that would have horrified me to think about being done, but now I see the need to be freer to be with my older children, who never stop needing to be parented. I have relaxed greatly over the years in how I home educate my family, but there are still other things that I would love to be able to do with them, which may already be too late to do, simply because of the inability to be as mobile as when I was young. My oldest son, 20 in three weeks, has already moved out of the house, so my influence in his life has diminished significantly. It's crazy, but the mistakes of the parents continue to be worked even in the later years. What makes it so difficult now is, that there isn't the same amount of quality and quantity time to make it right, as when he was young and still under my wing.
I LOVE birthing and nursing! My pregnancies are very difficult for me, so the loss of being able to birth and nurse is the most difficult part of the decision. However, the nine months of pain are enough to tip the balance in the direction of 'no more'.
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My 1st Granddaughter - Kiera Marie @ 1 week old
Born: 6-4-08; one day after my Olivia's 6th B-Day!
After baby 3 I was pretty sure that was enough, but not definate, ya know? Number four was unplanned, and while pregnant I knew how done I was. LOL I haven't had any baby lust. I do love pregnancy, which is why I went the surrogacy route.
DH was the one who was really unsure after 3. I could have been done. He wanted even numbers though. 2 boys and 2 girls. Boy was he lucky number 4 came out a boy. :P
For me I knew I was done after Roman was born. Just as I knew after Zoey was born that there would be one more.
After Zoey dh and I both felt there was one more soul out there waiting to join our family. That Zoey needed a sibling closer in age then big sister. We just knew. And after Roman I knew I was done. I had my vba2c - an amazing and empowering experience that I somehow needed to have. and I knew our family was complete.
I'm also turning 40 this summer, my dh is 45. I'm absolutely sure I do not want to be pregnant again tho i LOVED carrying my babies. We've recently weaned - which means I've also nursed my last child ever and I'm doing ok with that. I loved nursing my babies. But I'm done with that chapter as well.
I'm enjoying this part - raising my children vs birthing and caring for infant/baby.
I think thats why I know I'm done. I love babies (and will be watching a friends 7mo son starting next month once a week which should quench any babylust lol), but I am seriously loving this part of my life without an infant.
Every once in a while it is DH who thinks we should not have done the V and should have had one more. He never went back in for the after V sperm counts so i guess it is possible lol - but not probable.
I told Chelsey to give me another 10 years and then she can give me a grandbaby to enjoy
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~Barb
Mama to Chelsey, turning 19, 8yo Zoey & 5yo Roman
I knew after number two I was done. I was perfectly happy and not 'into' raising any more.
Then 7 yrs later we had a month of confusion (I was very forgetful that month and truly made error based on being a human....not on subconscious desire for another child) and
Voila! (baby number three)
Let me tell you that revving up for a baby when you don't have baby lust is VERY tough.
I am doing fairly well getting into it with my now four year old.
I don't want any more though (even when he is begging for a new baby to be a big brother to!)
Some people are ambivilent when ending their childbearing. Some aren't.
After baby #4 we decided we were finished in April 2002. When the nurses came into my room the next day to get my tubal done I told them that we had a full house now and it was for the best. But deep down I did not feel "done".
Well after having a tubal and having noooo problems at all from it. In August of last year on the day hurricane frances came though our area and a tree fell on top of my son's room, I decided to take a pg test because I just did not feel right. It was so postive I about died!!!! Well I took 5 more right after eachother and one the next morning and they were all positive. My husband and I both broke down in tears. We both I think wanted 1 more.
I feel that it was truly meant to be and I had the not done feeling because I was truly not done. Do what you feel is best for yourself and your family.
Since this has happened to me I now feel you can not stop what is meant to be.
My tubal will be redone after this baby. I now feel fullfilled
I've promised dh could have the big V done after this babe is born. He was done after #2 (#3 was a surprise for both of us, but the others were planned) and gave me more babies even though he was more than happy with the ones we had
Though I have to say - I'm done too. With homeschooling and stuff, I just can't see myself adding more kids. Not unless I compromised in the way I raise them, and I don't want to do that! Plus - I'm looking forward to the time where it will be just dh and I. We've never had that.
But the baby lust.... The thought of not nursing another babe after this one, the sweet moments of having a newborn, etc. I'm really going to miss those things.
How do you deal with it? Does it go away? I'm hoping it will be easier, knowing I AM done. I feel done. Maybe I'll have to borrow a newborn every once in a while, lol, at least until my kids start having their own babes!
Allison,
If you both agree that you are "done", it won't be so tough...at least from my experience.
I did worry about the things you mentioned above but honestly, even though I ooh and aaah every once in a while over a new baby, knowing we were indeed "done" made me not have any regret or real baby lust.
I also did breastfeed our last until he was nearly five years old so I have so many wonderful memories of extended breastfeeding.
The most difficult aspect for me, even though we knew we were done, was going through and giving away all the baby things. I did keep very special items, but giving away all those little clothes that I had so thoughtfully chosen and all the wonderful natural baby items was a sad day for me. More of a letting go sadness than wanting another baby sadness. (hope that made sense) It was a walk down memory lane with six children and I did cry that day.
Now that our "baby" is coming up on his 6th birthday, I can say that I am so glad we are done. It was the correct decision for us.
I think that is the key.....both partners agreeing that it is time to say goodbye to pregnancy and moving forward into the next season of life.
I thought it would be tough but it really was not and I am so content!
Michelle
__________________ "If it (salvation) is based solely on following rules, then it isn't grace via faith in Jesus Christ"
The most difficult aspect for me, even though we knew we were done, was going through and giving away all the baby things. I did keep very special items, but giving away all those little clothes that I had so thoughtfully chosen and all the wonderful natural baby items was a sad day for me. More of a letting go sadness than wanting another baby sadness. (hope that made sense) It was a walk down memory lane with six children and I did cry that day.
You mean I'm going to have to do that?????
I think my biggest problem is I'm only 28. I really should have 12 more years or so of good child-bearing years, lol. And a lot of my friends are just beginning to think about starting families, so I'll have lots of newborns to lust after, lol.
I do know that realizing I'm done will help. Even before this babe was conceived, I knew she would be the last, and the baby lust wasn't as bad when I wasn't sure!
Thanks for all the responces that it WILL be ok, lol.
I think my biggest problem is I'm only 28. I really should have 12 more years or so of good child-bearing years, lol. And a lot of my friends are just beginning to think about starting families, so I'll have lots of newborns to lust after, lol.
I do know that realizing I'm done will help. Even before this babe was conceived, I knew she would be the last, and the baby lust wasn't as bad when I wasn't sure!
Thanks for all the responces that it WILL be ok, lol.
Well....not if you have the storage space to keep it all!!! *lol*
Honestly, doing that was really really tough. I went through everything when our youngest was about three years old. Many many tears shed that day and everyone in the house just left me alone and gave me space to honor and work through my feelings.
I know what you mean about the age thing. We had our last just shy of my 30th birthday (dh was 29).
When Christopher (my son) started entering his teens, I started to think that maybe he would be the only one. Truly, I wanted another baby, but I had finally made my peace with the fact that maybe it would just be me and him. Then when he started high school, Ben and I got the fever FIERCE, and along came Anabelle, our little millennium baby. As soon as she was born, I knew I wanted at least two more. For me AND for her, so she would have same-age siblings like Christopher never did. For lots of unexpected medical reasons, it wasn't and isn't to be. She is the last. I'm almost 41 and I'm *learning* to make my peace with this. Sometimes I feel like I have to be some kind of super-wonderful parent because this is my Last Chance, but most of the time I don't even think of it. We have a great time together, though!!! And I think she'll always be "Our Baby."
Location: There's no place like home! There's no place like home!
Posts: 10,586
How did we deal with having our last baby? We celebrated!!! Seriously - I think it's a great feeling to know that my family is complete, even though many people think it's too small.
BTW - I am 29. I know that my body could handle many more years of babies. But I just don't want it. I admit that the baby and toddler years are not my favorite. I am REALLY enjoying Emma (almost 4) more now than before. Is that terrible? I adore John, but I love that Emma and I can do things like go to lunch, complete an entire craft, read a book without eating the pages...
Being involved in LLL means that I get to smell sweet newborn heads all the time. That's a great coping technique!
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married to Robert * mommy to Emma (04/2001) & John (09/2004)
My ovaries hurt when I see newborns. I love that stage SO much. But I look at my 7 year old and see what I have to deal with AFTER the newborn stage......I have two and I need no more than two. I like and have used the bandaid fix of playing with or babysitting a newborn every so often.
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~Ames~ Crunchy momma to Faith & Cort
~ email me about custom-made pouch slings spiritfreedom@gmail.com
Not reading all the replies.
I'm not 100% sure we're done but fairly sure.
Who doesn't love babies and nursing? Those are some sweet life moments.
OTOH there are things I don't miss: physically hard things, gross things, dangerous things.
There are things I like about being done and having older kids & try to remind myself of them daily.
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~Jen- Mama to all girls all 4 years apart
my feedback
What makes it so difficult now is, that there isn't the same amount of quality and quantity time to make it right, as when he was young and still under my wing. 
I haven't had any baby lust. I do love pregnancy, which is why I went the surrogacy route. 
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