Mamamorphosis~All about mama growth... when we are no longer mamas of babes and we become mamas of older children as well as ourselves... new chapters and lots of change!
I can definately relate to the age thing. I am only 25. Dh had a V after Josie, but there is that part of me that is really sad about it. Ds is always asking for a brother, too (not like I could control that). I can't imagine what I will feel when this one weans. Or when she potty learns and I get rid of all the sweet, soft dipes. *sigh*! Dh and I both feel like we can't "handle" any more kids, but I love birth and babies SO much. Can't believe that's over. The surrogacy thing would probably satisfy some of that for me, but I think it would upset my kids. They would want to keep the baby.
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Jo ~ mama to Jonah, 7 ; Analiyse, 6 ; Josephine, 3 and Luna, 7~5~08 ; Lover and best friend to Adrian .
I revel in the thoughts of all the things I am going to do for ME ME ME! I am going to run a marathon one day. I am going to paint beautiful pictures and they will hang in off-the-beaten-track 'Main Street' galleries. I am going to back-pack the United States, then Europe. I am going to cry my eyes out standing in front of Michelangelo's Pieta one day. And one day - when I am 80 years old, I am going to walk the beaches of Aruba TOPLESS.
I revel in the thoughts of all the things I am going to do for ME ME ME! I am going to run a marathon one day. I am going to paint beautiful pictures and they will hang in off-the-beaten-track 'Main Street' galleries. I am going to back-pack the United States, then Europe. I am going to cry my eyes out standing in front of Michelangelo's Pieta one day. And one day - when I am 80 years old, I am going to walk the beaches of Aruba TOPLESS.
That's how I deal with it!
That is an attractive way to look at it! It is nice to think that my baby will head off to college when I am only 43. At that point, dh will be either already retired from the navy and recieving a very handsome pension check on top of whatever paycheck he brings in from a new job, or he'll still be in and pretty high ranking and bringing home that BACON! LOL! He can fund my adventures. Gotta love military retirement after 20 years!
DH is getting his big V May 9th and I'm feeling ready. He waited for me to feel emotionally ready, and I think the complications of this pregnancy has helped hurry me along that path. You may want him to schedule it for when you're about 36 weeks and starting to get very uncomfortable, etc, you will be more apt to say "I'm *DONE*!!!" at that point. If you wait until AFTER the baby is born then you are risking your hormonal shifts becoming a factor and it could make for a very emotional situation, moreso than it could be without their effects, KWIM?
It's a difficult state of mind to get yourself into, and it DOES take some emotional preparation and soul-searching, but you have to be ready to embrace the future before you can make a decision to alter the fate of your family forever.
Jessica
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Mama to *3* boys Isaac, Gabriel, Jack, and Hannah, the long-awaited one, born into water and her Daddy's hands on 4/30/2005!
Sometimes life can be so surprising!
For me I knew I was done after Roman was born. Just as I knew after Zoey was born that there would be one more.
After Zoey dh and I both felt there was one more soul out there waiting to join our family.
Oh my gosh, Barb, I know this exact feeling. Not necessarily someone close to Jack, ut that there was someone out there who was waiting, a little soul who was in the wings. I was forever having these odd feelings when ALL of my kids were in the same room with me, I'd look around in a panic and think, "Where's ... oh! They're all here!". I thought I was losing my mind. I'd do it everywhere, at the mall, at our home, at someone else's home. I think that's why I reacted so strongly when John went for his Vasectomy. Aside from really REALLY wanting a daughter, I felt like our family wasn't complete, someone was missing. I know now that my instinct was entirely correct and those moments of me looking for a child that wasn't here (yet) must have been a way for the universe to protect her future, KWIM?
Nicole-yes, I do believe that when you are done, you will know.
Allison- it is not something that can be looked at right now, when you are still pregnant, or when you will be nursing a new baby. Those are too much of an emotional time.
take the time...get back to "normal"...then you can start pondering it. It can be very tough. I cried for months after having Isabella knowing I would never go through that again. Now I am handling it better. It took a long time, but I think I am there..and I am 29 also, so I understand that part!
ALthough we said NO MORE after Malachi, Chloe had a 10dy living spermie that helped make her. But this time... we are done. We are so stinking careful it's ridiculous. We have been praying a lot about getting the old snip snip and I really do not feel any conviction about it, neither does dh. So I think we are going for it.
I want to move on. I dont think it would be fair to have anymore. Hannah already can't do as much as she and we would like her to do cause everything has to mesh with the other two and their needs as well. She misses out on a lot. And I feel badly. Malachi is always going to need more care than the others, and Chloe is a ... well she is something alright... she is my hardest child so far... I just can't see having anymore. I would be spread way too thin to enjoy them I think.
And now we can look forward to family vacations with glee instead of dread
Allison this was sooo me after each of my babies. I would always ask people how did you know you were done, because I could never see me not having babies.
But now that I have 6 kids and am pg with twins, I feel complete. I really feel like I will be happy with 8 kids.
I will be happy if me or dh gets something done permanently.
Mindi
__________________ Sometimes realize, I could only be as good as you'll let me
Well - I felt like this too. Dh had the snip last year. I was depressed for several weeks about it after Maribeth weaned (Megan weaned 2 months before Maribeth). Esp as they weaned earlier than I planned on them weaning. But now I'm realizing how much better of a mom I am right now than if I was pg again. I can enjoy my kids and not be puking all the time or on restricted activitiy. I'm looking forward to the next stage for now. Though I'm sure I'll miss babies more in the future. Mentally it also helped that dh got the snip - not me - MY personal fertility was not affected. Dh's is. Not that I'm planning to split up with him or cheat on him or anything. But he is the one who is completely sure he is done - so he has the right to do that to his body. I didn't just "know" I was done myself. Dh did. Now I am o.k. with this being it months later. I'm 29 myself. So I understand that part.
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~ Cheryl ~ single mama to
Melissa (9), Michael (8), Madeleine (7)
twins Megan & Maribeth (4)
I think my biggest problem is I'm only 28. I really should have 12 more years or so of good child-bearing years, lol. .
This is exactly my problem. We have two children. I don't feel quite "done", DH does but says we can have one more. If I get pregnant this year (I'm 27), I'll only be 28 when that baby is born. How can I waste all of those fertile years??? I'm so glad you said it first, becuase I thought I was the only one who felt that way. Since getting married, first I had strong baby lust, then a baby, then strong baby lust, then a miscarriage, then antoher baby, and now I'm getting the baby lust again. When does it all end? And how can I put aside those feelings of baby lust and continue to ovulate each month? It's just mind boggling.....
And I too sometimes think we're missing someone. LIke I'll have a nagging feeling that I left one of hte kids behind, when of course both of them are with me....I still think that could be left over from having a miscarriage, though.
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~Michelle
Christian homeschooling mama
to a Jumpin Bean (1/01)
and a Pumpkin Head (4/03)
I'm not there. The thought of not ever having another little one is absolutely heartbreaking to me and I have 8.
I would happily go through another pregnancy/birth/colicky baby/terrible twos etc.... to hold another little one in my arms. I'm not sure I will ever feel *done*.
I'm also very much afraid that if I have to stop before I feel ready, that I will end up very resentful. I know that may not be fair, because there are both parents to consider, but....... I think it will be a terrible struggle for me to not feel it anyway.
I realize that my children get less of my time than if I only had 2 children for example, but they gain so much from their siblings/being a part of a big family, that I feel it more than makes up for it.
I don't know....I don't have any advice. Just that I hope that you find peace and happiness in your decision.
Hugs mama,
Aileen
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Happy wife to Keith for 20 years and amazingly blessed mama to 10 sweet munchkins.
I'm 27, we have 4 girls (snort, whoever said girls were easier than boys was LYING ), all 4 were c-sections and I've changed a diaper every single day since 8-9-96. I'm done.
For us? It was harder for me. I adore the nursing, co-sleeping, diapering stages. LOL. Dh was like "Oh, yea, it's ok"...lol. But I also know if I felt it was a "calling" to have another everytime I wanted another newborn to hold, another one to nurse and co-sleep, another 2 year old to roll around and cuddle with?? I'd end up having 50. LOL. I doubt my "baby lust" will ever go away. Whether I had/have 1 or 20.
I had to look at it realisitically...for *us* that meant no more after 3. There are certain things I want to be able to provide for my kids, that *I* see as important, and I know I can't afford to do that with too many. I know it differs for us all, and some feel it's a shame to not have those several more children because of money...I feel differently, and am only sharing what we feel. (o: From housing space to clothing to sports to etc., more than 3 would be hard for us to provide "well" for.
Time was another issue for us. Our 3 kids are into sports, classes, etc. And no, not one of those over-scheduled familys...lol. 3 kids and 1 sport each means no time left. LOL. I know others don't see sports or such as important, and that is ok. But we wanted the kids to be able to choose an activity if they wanted, and know we'd support them in it, for fun or otherwise, and fund it with our time and money. Soccer alone means 2 games a week for Justin, 2 for my oldest Chelsie, and 3 for Sarah. Our days are full, and when I imagine adding in another? I don't see how. I'd be telling someone no, sorry, no more time...and I don't want to do that. This was dh's biggest reason for not having more, time.
Patience is another. Kids hit different stages at different times. My almost 14 yo is entering high school and is facing so many changes and new things. She needs more of my time now over when she was, say, 7-12 years old. If I had a toddler or newborn, would I be able to give it to her? Enough? Enough alone time? No. Would I have enough patience to deal with "it all"? I am not sure. LOL. Dh, no. LOL.
Chapters always close. To keep them all open means missing new ones. And with kids growing older, and entering new ones, that's important to avoid. As they get older they have different needs, new stages, new things to share with them...if I had "too many kids", I am scared I'd not be able to fully enjoy the 3 I do have, and all their stages, new interests, etc.
Some say this about 1 child, some say it when they hit 6. It's personal, yes.
__________________ "Custom will reconcile people to any atrocity."
George Bernard Shaw
My DH got his V two months after DD was born. As far as he's concerned, we'e done. Ppfffftt! Easy for him to say!
I want to have at least one more but I don't know if my body can handle it. The pregnancy and birth went beautifully, it's all the stuff afterwards that made my eyes bug out! LOL
I love watching DD develop. She's so funny! And surprizingly serious for someone all of 14 months old. I try *very* hard not to laugh at her during these moments, but the faces! LOL Precious.
Somedays I *really* want another baby, and then some days I wonder why I ever agreed to this sort of insanity. KWIM?
I suppose if DH were actually more involved with DD, it would help me alot more and I would have a better opinion about over all. But I guess he's figured out that sometimes theories only work on paper.
In a perfect world, I would have three max. Course, I would have started younger too. And definately with someone else.
Or when she potty learns and I get rid of all the sweet, soft dipes. *sigh*! Dh and I both feel like we can't "handle" any more kids, but I love birth and babies SO much. Can't believe that's over. The surrogacy thing would probably satisfy some of that for me, but I think it would upset my kids. They would want to keep the baby.
; Analiyse, 6 
; Josephine, 3 
and Luna, 7~5~08 
; Lover and best friend to Adrian 
.
It is nice to think that my baby will head off to college when I am only 43. At that point, dh will be either already retired from the navy and recieving a very handsome pension check on top of whatever paycheck he brings in from a new job, or he'll still be in and pretty high ranking and bringing home that BACON! LOL! He can fund my adventures. 
Gotta love military retirement after 20 years!
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