Location: enjoying my coffee. i love coffee. did i tell you that i love coffee?
Posts: 2,440
do you quest for peace???
just some ramblings here.
i know i personally quest for peace. a large part of that (for me) is having a connection with nature... i don't have that where i am currently. not at all.
i really long to be in the country, but i know that it isn't feasible for the kids and their activities right now.
i don't know. i just long to be peaceful, and it seems that my life is always headed in the other direction.
and, did you ever have a time when you weren't being nice to your kids? poor things. i am just not peaceful right now.
so, do you quest for peace in *your* life? do you feel at peace right now? what are you doing to get yourself there?
Location: That's right!! I am a conservative republican hippie...
Posts: 1,717
I know this isn't quite what youmeant, but YES!! Especially at this particular moment, and over the past few days, RJ has been driving me insane, I swear. He is currently playing with his wood clacker push toy, running it across the wood floor in the den...and egads is it loud. I swear, what is the deal?? As soon as they are close to that age of 2, they go up about 300 decibles in volume!!!!! Accccccccck! Give me sanity!
__________________ ~Donna...proud, crunchy, breastfeeding AP mommy to my not so wee one!
You came from Heaven to Earth...to show the way. From the earth to the cross...my debt to pay. From the cross to the grave...from the grave to the sky. Lord, I lift your name on high. ~Rick Founds
I agree, it is very difficult to find a "margin" in your life when kid's activities take you every direction at once. Yet, it wouldn't work to just remove them from their activities.
Because I have a large-ish family, we do curb the older ones' activities somewhat. But having peace in my life is prolly not gonna happen till my littlest ones are a few years older, lol.
I'd love to live in the country, near the mountains, or near the ocean. I think North Carolina would be perfect.
I'm gonna start journalling again. See if I can craft some songs out of my musings. Playing my guitar always soothes me.
Originally posted by amity just some ramblings here.
i know i personally quest for peace. a large part of that (for me) is having a connection with nature... i don't have that where i am currently. not at all.
i really long to be in the country, but i know that it isn't feasible for the kids and their activities right now.
i don't know. i just long to be peaceful, and it seems that my life is always headed in the other direction.
and, did you ever have a time when you weren't being nice to your kids? poor things. i am just not peaceful right now.
so, do you quest for peace in *your* life? do you feel at peace right now? what are you doing to get yourself there?
hugs and blessings,
amity
Am,
I don't feel peace right now, I feel so rigid. I posted a thread for some positive advice because I am not feeling any peace mama.
When I need to be peaceful I do seek nature. I go to the ocean, sit on the sand,listen to the roar of the waves and talk to myself. I imagine if I lived there, waking up to that sound every morning. I try to capture those moments in my memory, and when I feel like I am going to lose control, I try to remember those sweet moments again.
I sit outside in the grass, or dig and get my hands down into the earth. I plant something to watch it grow and bloom. That usually always brings me some peace. I love nature, respect her, and she brings me peace when I don't have any within. I sit and listen to the winds in the pine trees and watch the birds out here in my yard. Even though they are mean MOCKING BIRDS, that try to attack my dog! lol
I have lost control before and yelled at someone. I feel awful afterwards and try to apologize. I'm just an emotional creature I guess.
Go for a walk Am, go dig and plant something. You may need some vacation too mama!
Location: enjoying my coffee. i love coffee. did i tell you that i love coffee?
Posts: 2,440
what would be your ideal situation?
my ideal situation would be a country home where i could have a huge garden and grow all my own veggies. i would love to have a home near a town, so we could still go and shop without driving an hour. but, i think i could suffer with driving and planning ahead.
tim would have a good enough job that we could pay our bills. the site would run itself, and i could happily log in only a few times a day. all i would have to worry about is what's for dinner, and that i need to take that last load of laundry off the line.
i would have a tiny guest cottage, or extra room so that people could come and visit whenever... and i could cook big meals around a huge old wooden table.
no one would watch tv, nor would they need me to entertain them.
dh wouldn't be a slob, ie: he wouldn't want to wear the same shirt for two days and when he changed them he wouldn't want to just pull one out of the laundry basket and then stuff the rest of the clothes down in.
we would be very close to the water.
i could learn guitar! and paint more...
so, anyone know where i can find this place? inside you say? ack. not sure.
Location: enjoying my coffee. i love coffee. did i tell you that i love coffee?
Posts: 2,440
oh, one more thing...
my peaceful place- the one that used to ease all of my anxiety attacks- was that house in sharpsville! i would just drive by it, or sit in front of it... if i was having a panic attack or something, i would walk through each room in my mind and what it would look like with me living there.
after it sold at auction, i felt like i lost the ability to do that. i try sometimes, but it makes me less at peace and a little sad.
I think that may be similar to what you are talking about. Sometimes things just start feeling crazy. I would like to be like the tide, gently in and gently out. Not a tidle wave, kwim? I used to long for tranquility but that was pretty boring. I like the ups and downs of life but also knowing that I can weather any storm and that for all the hard times there are also wonderful times. Despair and hopelessness are my enemies. That is what I would really like to get rid of, permanently.
Yes, I have and am struggling with being mean. It is stress related and, I feel, a lack of discipline on my part. DH told me yesterday I have to give up the idea that we will ever be the parents I think we should be and that the kids will be the kids I think they should be. He is so right. To love each day and to love each one for who they are. My goals.
How am I getting there? Moving to the place that I love is wonderful because it feeds my soul. People pay a lot of money to get away from it all and vacation here. I get to live here. Living with a man who is pretty emotionally stable helps a ton. Moving far away from my mother helped a ton. Sometimes you have to make unpopular decisions to get to where you're going. Hugs, Am. You can do anything. You can make your dreams your reality. It's all about where you put your energy.
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I respect your opinion as an educated and intelligent adult and I hope you will do the same for me.
Originally posted by amity my ideal situation would be a country home where i could have a huge garden and grow all my own veggies. i would love to have a home near a town, so we could still go and shop without driving an hour. but, i think i could suffer with driving and planning ahead.
tim would have a good enough job that we could pay our bills. the site would run itself, and i could happily log in only a few times a day. all i would have to worry about is what's for dinner, and that i need to take that last load of laundry off the line.
i would have a tiny guest cottage, or extra room so that people could come and visit whenever... and i could cook big meals around a huge old wooden table.
no one would watch tv, nor would they need me to entertain them.
dh wouldn't be a slob, ie: he wouldn't want to wear the same shirt for two days and when he changed them he wouldn't want to just pull one out of the laundry basket and then stuff the rest of the clothes down in.
we would be very close to the water.
i could learn guitar! and paint more...
so, anyone know where i can find this place? inside you say? ack. not sure.
hugs
am
I do know !!! It's called homesteading We have been actively working towards this our whole lives, and in a few short years it will be a reality. Todd will retire in just a few more short years, leaving us with enough disposable income (his military retirment as well as our savings) that we can work at McD's if we so choose. We are eyeing property in Missouri as well as some other midwestern states for a nice piece of land. We have both been taking agri classes at the local college when time permits (I am taking cattle managment this fall ), we read Mother Earth news, and some other homesteading magazines to keep on track.
We don't want to be totally self sufficient, but we want our little farm (and we are very flexible in our expectations as well as our timeline. My dad wants to start a family business, and we have committed ourselves ot helping out for a few years while it gets going), and when stuff gets crappy, that is what we think about. It always calms me, and I *know* it will be a reality.
Maybe Amity, you need another dream, like the house was, something you can plan for and dream about when times are tough (like how you used to look at curtains for the house, kwim?) While that dream didn't become a reality, it doesn't mean that some vestige of it was not meant to be.
Sometimes I wonder about the "search for peace" not to undermine ideas or feelings, but I think inner peace is just like self esteem. It comes from within. No one and nothing can give it or take it. Happiness is not a place. It won't matter if we buy that new house or have the best lawn in the neighborhood. It's not having the smartest kids or the most diapers or even making the best chocolate pie. Happiness is the travel, the road we choose to take. All to often, the road much less traveled.
It's so much easier to say "if only" It's easier to say there are no choices, the wishful thinking.. grass is always greener somewhere else you know? We refuse to admit we have so many choices, so many options. I think maybe because we don't want to see those choices.. they aren't always easy. It's easier to sit and be wishful, and hope and wonder what could be different.
that's just my take on it.. When I start saying "I wish" and I feel that peace isn't there.. I pray. I don't ask my God to give me peace, but I ask him to show me once more.. it helps me but I know its right there, only ignored.
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Soul Mate to Rod, Mama To- Ashtyn, Alliyah, Anna, Amanda and Lil Lexi and baby boo due March 23
The best exercise man can get is stooping to help another rise.
I know you are still hurting about the house you didn't get. I wanted you to have it so badly! It is ok to be upset. Do you think that you shouldn't have those feelings? If so, maybe pushing them out of the way instead of letting them just be could have something to do with it. When you sit quietly, think about how you feel, put your feelings in a mental pot and just watch them cook. We don't need things to make us happy, true, but we do need to experience our feelings, kwim? They aren't right or wrong, good or bad, they just are.
I would like to reccomend a short book you can easily read in one sitting. It is called About Peace 108 ways to stay peaceful when things are out of control. It is inspirational but not religious.
Can you take your family on a vacation? It doesn't have to be anything fancy, maybe there is somewhere not too far from home where you can have a camping trip. Is there an Amity Mama close enough to you to drive to maybe just for an overnight retreat or so? You could bring Xian if need be. Someone who will cook for you and just let you hang out, rest, relax, read or just do nothing if you wanted to.
I never knew you had panic attacks. I've only had a few episodes in my life and I was ashamed and felt like I was the only one who ever had them.
Tell us what you need. Two thousand mamas here want to help. People like to be needed.
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~Jen- Mama to all girls all 4 years apart
my feedback
No peace here right now. I'm *so* stressed! It's terrible, I'm not used to feeling like this. I need to do something, to change something I think and I have to figure it out. Soon! I may need to quit my job finally. I've been longing to stay home for a while but I'm scared of being poor. I hate this feeling, though.
Location: enjoying my coffee. i love coffee. did i tell you that i love coffee?
Posts: 2,440
how i am feeling...
well, honestly this is how i am feeling.
i feel like i am working and working and working, like i am giving and giving and giving- and i do know *why* i am doing it. just sometimes i am so tired. i see the end result in my vision- with the site, and with my children, and with the new business i am trying to help a friend with. i feel successful- like i am succeeding in what i am setting out to do. and i feel driven- i feel a drive to continue doing what i am doing.
but, then the outside factors come in- my husband has been working 6 days a week for almost 6 months. 4 of those months have been midnights. i get lonely. we used to take our sunday drives- that was our day to 'balance ourselves' as a family... now there is work or baseball or both- and that is cleaning day since the house is trashed by then.
and i worked until 4 am last night- and i *still* have some coding to fix. (which sucks out your brain cells).
i keep thinking about my visions, and what it is costing me personally. i am willing to work hard and make the sacrifice, but i am wondering to what extent? trying to find that balance, yes.
and it isn't just the site. this site *is* a large part of me. it is a creative fix for me, and a place where *i* feel understood. in the real world, i tend to be an annoyance. people think i am either non intelligent or just being fake nice. but that is another story.
thanks for listening mamas. and honestly? yes, i am still hurting. my little cottage home looks so beautiful this year with lots of flowers and wild daisies... but i long to have visitors stay with me for some reason. and here i can't do that.
i am ok, please don't think i am not! i just need to breathe- and find the time to do so.
Sometimes I wonder about the "search for peace" not to undermine ideas or feelings, but I think inner peace is just like self esteem. It comes from within. No one and nothing can give it or take it. Happiness is not a place. It won't matter if we buy that new house or have the best lawn in the neighborhood. It's not having the smartest kids or the most diapers or even making the best chocolate pie. Happiness is the travel, the road we choose to take. All to often, the road much less traveled.
Wow--you said this sooo well--from my heart to your keyboard. This is so true and I think that often we become so overwhelmed with life; things that we "have" to do, etc.; that we forget about everything else.
I have just started journaling myself. I write down things that have given me gave me pure joy during the day. I find it really helps to think about my day and to remember and cherish those moments--and to remind myself that they happen repeatedly during the day. I even find myself thinking as they happen that I will be writing about them later. I also find that I am focusing more on the moment--and not worrying about the "gotta do's" etc. I find that I am enjoying things more, worrying less. It's changing my perspective.
Amity--maybe you can create a place for yourself. You mentioned the house used to give you peace. Maybe you can recreate that feeling by making a place in your home or yard that is just for you. It could be as simple as a chair in the corner of the room--you could add a table filled with favorite things--plants or flowers--whatever makes you feel happy or peaceful. It would probably be a great place to meditate a bit, start a journal, read a book--whatever.
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Kristin
mama to 2 sweet boys
married to my best friend for 22yrs
Not sure if this will help but yoga helps me find peace even for a little while....I am also lucky to be near the ocean and the sound and negetive ions from the water really help too....
Peace is so important in our lives and it always gets pushed aside....I've started asking myself....when I die wil I wish that I spent more time doing......insert whatever you are doing or that seems important...and then think again...
Amity
I wanted you to have it so badly! It is ok to be upset. Do you think that you shouldn't have those feelings? If so, maybe pushing them out of the way instead of letting them just be could have something to do with it. When you sit quietly, think about how you feel, put your feelings in a mental pot and just watch them cook. We don't need things to make us happy, true, but we do need to experience our feelings, kwim? They aren't right or wrong, good or bad, they just are.
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