amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

pinkmommy · 08-04-2004, 10:18 PM

I usually say a book, puzzle or art supplies. Actually, I first say that we really hope people won't bring gifts - and I mean that - because my children really do have enough stuff. Of course, people usually press on.

Anyway, in the past few months, we've asked people about gifts and two people have told us remote control cars.

Now, I know there is a big price range difference, but I just think this is something pretty spendy. It is not the children who are saying this. It is the parents. Most recently, it wasn't just a remote control car, but a specific type of remote control car that cost $57 (at WalMart). I am sure my friend has no clue that it is so expensive, but still...I mean I just don't think this is something you list when a friend asks you. I guess I should just stop asking.

For the record, Jadon will turn one in Dec and he wants a Jaguar, but will settle for a jacuzzi.

luvmyabby · 08-04-2004, 10:39 PM

I usually start off with the "we don't really need anything" too. Then if they presss on, I tell them something pretty general, like she loves anything that has to do with a Princess or Veggie Tales. Then I feel like I've given them an idea of what to look for without putting anything specific out there. I know better than to tell them to ask her what she wants, her list is usually so long they'd never get away!

Mama2miracles · 08-04-2004, 10:54 PM

I think it it rude to try and ask for really expensive things only or to ask for just cash. Friends of ours who are getting married this month and their invitation asked for cash gifts only and the shower invite asked for cash or gc to Ikea. I thought that was a tad rude too.

Debby · 08-04-2004, 11:00 PM

I try to keep a running list of the things the kids want or need and for birthdays or other gift giving I keep the cost to under $25 dollars. If it's a special relative like grandma who wants to spend more I will recommend more costly items.

Charity · 08-04-2004, 11:06 PM

My inlaws ask us this all the time, and they actually want specifics so they don't waste their money on something ds or dd didn't want or already have. But I usually offer them a decent sized list with prices ranging from very cheap all the way up to expensive. I never know how much she wants to spend, and it's always feasible that she might want to spend more if they had the extra money, so I give them a huge variety. I always try to let her know though, that simple gifts like new toothbrushes, new pencils, their own pads of paper, or a bag of cookies, is enough to make my kids happy. That way she can spend a little and still get the kids something they want, or she can spend a lot and also get the kids something they want.

pinkmommy · 08-04-2004, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Friends of ours who are getting married this month and their invitation asked for cash gifts only and the shower invite asked for cash or gc to Ikea. I thought that was a tad rude too.

Oh, this would set off Miss Manners buttons. I received a wedding invitation that had a little card saying where the couple were registered. I think word of mouth is the more acceptable way.

With family, I do list more expensive gifts if they ask because I know what they usually spend. Actually, my inlaws usually just do very small token gifts but put money in the kids bank account in England so save on shipping.

KimberMama · 08-04-2004, 11:57 PM

I'm so picky about books that I rarely suggest them, unless I can give a specific list (like to the grandmas). I usually suggest games, kids music CDs, or Leap Pad books. I used to suggest Legos, but we have thousands of them now. I always suggest something under $20, preferable in the $10-$15 range.

I try to keep a list in my mind of what they boys need or want. It's easy to answer the question with specifics; ie. J would love a soccer ball, T would love a music themed Leap Pad book, etc. It makes it easier for people, especially if they no longer have young children in the home.

One thing I have noticed at lots of birthday parties is that the kids usually receive a lot of items related to the theme of the party, if there is one. At a recent Ninja Turtle party there were lots of NT gifts. When we broke down and had Rescue Hero party my son received several Rescue Heroes.

Of course, these days all of our birthday gifts come from the independent toy store or the independent children's book store. They both offer free gift wrapping, which I love, plus I love supporting small stores. My first choice is to give books, but if the child is from a very mainstream family or I get the vibe that they wouldn't enjoy books (crazy, I know, but I don't want my child's gift put down in front of him) I might give a toy.

Peace,

Kimberly

08-05-2004, 01:00 AM

Art supplies, usually. They run through so many markers and contruction paper and glitter and beads that whatever I hoard never lasts long. Last birthday, instead of buying a gift, my parents sent my 7 year old a big bouquet of pink carnations and a huge balloon. She loved it! She felt so grown up signing her name for the delivery guy

MamaDulce · 08-05-2004, 07:49 AM

I also usually say something general, like she loves anything to do with Princesses or Barbie. That way the person can get something they know she'll love in their price range.

amyorama · 08-05-2004, 08:50 AM

If my family asks, I am more specific, say wooden blocks or something. If it is a huge $$ I ask them to split it three ways. (We're talking $75.) That is, of course, if they harass me for gifts ideas, lol.

I HATE children's bday parties, simply 'coz the parents I know rattle off extensive lists on what to get THEIR child and none of it is under $25, and none of it will be played with by next week. I feel like some parents use bday parties as ways to recoup their losses on food, cake and the inconvenience of entertaining kids! FWIT, I have never had a bday party for my kids and invited their playmates, so all the money I spend on their kids will never be reciprocated. (I know I should keep a tally on what I spent on my friends' child, but it makes me angry when I hear them go on and on about the $$ when it's about celebrating their child's bday and I have already spent $15 on their child and I will be lucky if they even eat a bite of cake.) I would rather have family only now, but when they want a bday party, I'll have one for them. SOrry I stole this post, mama!

blazfglori · 08-05-2004, 09:36 AM

We always suggest Savings Bonds for the boys.
You can get 'em in any amount, and they're something that won't get used, broken, and thrown away.
We put them in a special savings account for each son...they both have a nice little college fund going.

lazygirrl · 08-05-2004, 09:42 AM

one neighbor asked for no gifts at they child's party or if you just had to buy something, donate a book to the public library in his name. i thought that was a great idea.( libraries have lists of books they need so you can be sure it will get on the shelves)

maryalene · 08-05-2004, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by IBelieve
Art supplies, usually. They run through so many markers and contruction paper and glitter and beads that whatever I hoard never lasts long. Last birthday, instead of buying a gift, my parents sent my 7 year old a big bouquet of pink carnations and a huge balloon. She loved it! She felt so grown up signing her name for the delivery guy

I usually suggest art supplies too - I try to think of something that can be used up instead of sitting in the toy box or on a shelf collect clutter, KWIM?

phunkymama · 08-05-2004, 09:55 AM

If a friend asks, I'll suggest something in the $10 and under range.

For family, I keep a running list, and let them pick and choose. I don't care if they buy something for $10, or something for $50.

That said, I've already decided that this year for Xmas, the nieces and nephews are getting memberships to the zoo, or gift certificates for activity type stuff, like Giggleberry Fair. Our family is pretty anti-clutter

edited for typo

mnemonics · 08-05-2004, 10:10 AM

Gosh - what a crazy request .....I can't believe people would ask for such an expensive birthday gift - I for one never ask anyone what their kid would like for their birthday - if I'm buying something I include a gift receipt so they can exchange it if they don't like it. After hearing about your experience - I most DEFINITELY will never ask anyone what to get for a gift lol.

When people ask us I always tell them nothing - cos my kids have just too many toys / books etc - and I hate to keep giving away gifts to Goodwill.....

Monica