amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

amy373 · 06-13-2003, 06:03 PM

Hi Mamas,
My ten-month-old daughter is a doll, loveable, and has a great sense of humor. The thing is, she's rather 'rough' with others. She pinches, pulls, pushes, and punches. She is not being malicious when she does these things, it's more like an exploration of sorts. She's extremely rough with my mom's dog and other children. She shoves toys in their faces, grabs their hair, and pulls on them to lift herself up.

Bill and I are extremely gentle people and we don't watch violent programs or are around anything that's remotely this physical. I know she's young and this is probably just a phase but I'm already getting alarmed looks from the mothers' of children she's roughing up.

Beyond taking her hands and guiding gently--i.e. "Nice touches," what can we do?

Thanks, Mamas!

fw221 · 06-13-2003, 06:18 PM

Hehe. Sounds just like Lydia at that age.

Repeat the mama mantra: "It's just a phase, she'll grow out of it. It's just a phase, she'll grow out of it."

MGray · 06-13-2003, 07:08 PM

Sounds like pretty normal cruiser behavior! My 9 month old is right there now.

It'll improve when she gets her balance a bit better and doesn't need to grab hold of others as much.

I do a lot of "that's not for you - this is" and "gentle, no bitting" "that's mommas hair, not for you" and you just move them to something else.

Its a good time for gates up to let the dog have a safe spot (I'm off to Walmart in moments to buy myself 2 -- I need to keep her out of the dogfood too!) Also, when my kids have a friend over and they are dragging all their stuff out and its a bit crazy - I get out the excersaucer or the playpen so she can be 'with' them but won't be climbing all over them and pulling hair. Either that or she's in the sling with me and we get into something away from the kids.

If you are socializing with other 6 - 12 month old children and getting the dirty looks from these moms - well, take heart - very soon their child will be doing the same things! You have an early mover and so you may be the first in the group - but there is nothing wrong with your child or your method of parenting. Children this age get very little benifit from being around one another - most of your time will be spent getting the kids off of one another!

HTH - Melinda

amy373 · 06-14-2003, 03:38 PM

Thanks Melinda, and Barb! I know that she'll grow out of it, but it's still nice to hear from other Mamas.

My sister's babe (now 14 mo) never was aggressive and in fact was afraid of Veronica for a very long time because of Veronica's "hands-on" ways.

Tomorrow we'll have her 4-year-old and 2.5 year old cousins over. We'll see what she does to them!

Thank you, Mamas! One day at a time!

shortbutcute · 06-14-2003, 04:46 PM

Our DS went through that too. I think it happens more with AP kids b/c they're not as timid, and usually very social/explorative. My friend who put their babies on schedules, let them cry, etc. seem to have more scared/loner babies from 9-12 months. My DS has hurt me quite a few times.

It's hard, but just keep telling her over and over that hitting/biting/pushing/throwing toys hurt. Children act out what they see, so if you continue to be gentle when you admonish her, she'll eventually stop being so aggressive. My DS is just now STARTING (he still hurts me sometimes) to catch on.

Good Luck, mama.

Empathic~Heart · 06-16-2003, 12:02 AM

They are figuring out how to use their bodies (fine motor) and are of course very orally fixated as infants.

Mothering is a full contact sport sometimes! I remember feeling so exasperated and annoyed when Ava was in that phase, cause it wasn't fun to nurse her when she was pinching me! OWIE!

Hang in there mama, "gentle touches" and modeling gentle touches will sink in eventually. It will get better soon.
Hugs!