amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

lillaurensmomma · 05-10-2003, 01:35 AM

Lauren is 15mo now and as you'd expect she's into everything. Up until this point, "NO" has always been very effective as has redirection. Lately though, she just looks at me if I say NO and continues to do whatever it is she's doing. If I try to redirect her, she goes right back to doing whatever it was she was doing. She is VERY headstrong and determined. DH keeps mentioning that it's time to start smacking her hands. I am really against doing that and I dont think it would work anyway. I tried smacking her hand yesterday and she hit me back

I can't say as I blame her. I bought Sears' Discipline book 2 days ago but havent had a chance to read it. Is it worth my time or should I find another book? What works for your little people? I've tried to put away all things that I don't want her into so I can let her have more free reign and she has TONS of stuff to do and get into. There are just some things that she has to learn not to touch and I'm not sure the best way to do this! She has 2 giant blisters on her poor little hand from touching the oven (I am dealing with gobs of mama guilt there). Help!

J

IBelieveInFae · 05-10-2003, 02:58 AM

The Discipline Book is the only one I have heard about that deals with toddlers so start there ASAP. Try and get DH in on the book, too.

I try and look at every "no" and try and find a way to make it a "yes". It's hard sometimes to do it. Annabelle has been a challenge and what helps me is to be around other non-spanking parents. There just seems to be more understanding and support. I get it all from AW, truth be known.

HTHs!

MGray · 05-10-2003, 09:33 PM

I think that this age it is very common to test what that 'no' means. You just have to say it over and over and over and over....

So, here is what it looks like. Say you don't want DD to touch the TV. You tell her it's a no touching and then she tries to touch it and you say "no, that's not for you" and then you move her away from the TV. When she goes back to it, you do it again, and again, and again. This lets her know that no means no. That mommy will stop her every time.

Of course, this means that you may not get anything else done for a while - but that's parenting. It's not easy, I know. However, it is very rewarding to see the fruit of you constant discipline.

Melinda

Empathic~Heart · 05-19-2003, 01:45 PM

That is such a scary, disheartening and guilt-inducing experience! You want your baby to be safe and she doesn't have the ability to discern that for herself in all cases.

You know, there are some things that children (and adults for that matter) just can't learn by being told. Meaning how would you have any idea what "hot" means if you never felt it? KWIM? I'm not advocating that all children need to be burned by a hot stove to learn this at all though! Just that telling a child no when they are curious is not very effective (as those little buggars demonstrate repeatedly).

My suggestion for you particularly at her age when reason and logic is only at the VERY beginning of development, is that you offer distractions - snacks, books, toys, other activities or whatever to draw her attention away from whatever it is you don't want her to do. We also use descriptive words to communicate instead of just NO. "Danger" "Hot" "Ouch" etc sometimes gets the point across more clearly than an emphatic NO.

Something else I've also learned in my parenting is that there are times when my dd is going to keep working at something until she figures it out. I do set limits for safety - but I ask myself why I don't want her doing whatever it is. Such as she's climbing on the back of the couch. I don't want her to do this because she could fall off, she could think that every couch is for climbing (thus alienating us from people who disagree), if someone is sitting on the couch and she's climbing it could be irritating or dangerous for them both etc. On the other hand, she's developing her balance, agility, muscles and brain and learning her physical limits, practicing a skill, having fun and entertaining herself in a semi-safe way. So - I can either fight the battle of preventing her from climbing on the couch continually for a few weeks, I can allow her full freedom to explore this and deal with any owies that come from it (and likely diffuse the interest naturally), I can talk to her about why I'm concerned and/or I can talk to her about climbing on the couch under certain circumstances.

Does that example make sense? Saying no, IME, simply increases the interest because the child already thinks it must be something REALLY neat and if they are prevented from exploring it, the appeal is all the greater. lol!

Books - "The Successful Child", "Everyday Blessings", booklet "Raising Children Compassionately" http://www.cnvc.org

Hopefully you've gotten some support and ideas for how you might choose to handle this frustration...because it doesn't go away very quickly.

Take care, and keep us posted on how things are going!
~Amy