amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

Empathic~Heart · 03-29-2003, 10:01 PM

The chart on this page is much more clear, but this is GREAT info!

http://www.extension.umn.edu/distrib...s/6961_03.html

Natural Consequences
Major Characteristics Parent's Message to Child Probable Reaction in Child
1. Expresses reality of natural order. I trust you to learn from your misbehavior. Cooperation; respect for self and others; self-discipline.
2. Naturally relates to the misbehavior or unpleasant event. I trust you to make responsible decisions. Learns from experience.
3. Treats child with respect and dignity. You are a person of worth. Separates behavior and self-worth. Feels good about self. Redirects misbehavior to acceptable behavior.
4. Is concerned with present and future behavior. You are a person who can take care of yourself. Becomes self-directing person who can make decisions.
5. Tone of voice is calm, rational, and communicates respect. I love you, but I don't approve of your behavior. Accepts and feels sure of parent's love.
6. Allows choice. I have faith in you; you are capable of choosing. Responsible decision making; increased resourcefulness.

Logical Consequences
Major Characteristics Parent's Message to Child Probable Reaction in Child
1. Expresses reality of social order. I trust you and will stand by you as you learn to respect the rights of others. Respect for self and others; cooperation; reliability; self-discipline.
2. Logically relates to the misbehavior. I trust you to make a sensible and responsible decision. Learns by doing.
3. Treats child with dignity and respect; separates behavior from person. You are a person of worth. Redirects misbehavior into acceptable behavior; feels good about self.
4. Shows concern with present and future. You are a capable person worthy of taking care of yourself. Becomes self directing, capable of evaluating.
5. Both verbal and nonverbal communication convey respect. I accept you for what you are. While I don't accept your behavior, I do accept you as a person of worth. Accepts and feels sure of parents' love.
6. Allows choice. You are capable of making your own decision. Responsible decision making; increased resourcefulness.

Punishment
Major Characteristics Parent's Message to Child Probable Reaction in Child
1. Expresses power of personal authority. Do what I tell you because I tell you to do it. Rebellion; desire to strike back; lack of self discipline; apathy.
2. Rarely related to act; often illogically conceived. Spur of the moment. I'll show you who is boss. You deserve what you're getting and maybe even worse. Resentment; desire to strike back; fear of parent; confusion.
3. Implies only a right and wrong way. You're bad, wicked, evil, not acceptable to me. Hurt feelings; guilt; desire to get even at all costs.
4. Relates to the past behavior of the child. You can never be counted on. You'll never learn. You're unreliable. Low self-concept; is unable to make a decision.
5. Verbal and nonverbal communication is full of threats, disrespect, loss of love. Shape up or ship out. A child of mine would never do a thing like that. Rebellion; fear; guilt; desire to strike back and get even.
6. Allows little self direction. Your ideas don't count. You're untrustworthy. Defiance; rebellion.

Prepared by H. Rita Straub, University of Wisconsin Extension Family Living Agent, Marathon County, WI.

Adapted from Kent Hamdorf. Discipline: Natural and Logical Consequences. Cooperative Extension Service, Ohio State University.

NEXT: Listening Is Love in Action

Linda · 03-29-2003, 10:15 PM

Very Nice-will be good to show my family so that they understand WHY we do things...both my husband and myself were raised with PUNISHMENT!!! Linda

Empathic~Heart · 05-19-2003, 01:59 PM

Empathic~Heart · 05-04-2004, 05:22 PM

NicosMami · 05-07-2004, 04:19 AM

I was hoping to never have to post here

but I suppose I was bound to hit some bumps (not my child lol).

My angel, has been up until recently, been just that, an absolute angel. But he's turning 3 this weekend and in the past month or less, well, he's been a bit challenging. He's not unmanageable, but I find myself struggling to react appropriately.

Example

He has begun hitting me when he doesn't want to do something or disagrees with me.

Has started refusing to follow instructions.

Has started to purposely disobey ie, threatening to kick something off deck after I have asked him not too

It seems to me that he is testing boundaries. I don't know. I"m sure it's normal. I just don't want to mishandle things, and I KNOW I already am. I was raised with the "iron fist" and anger management has always been and issue with my family (mom, dad, sister, brother). So I have been careful from the beginning not to fall into the trap. But know, aayyee. I find myself doing things that I can't stand. Most notably the ear pulling thing. How absurd, I don't even agree with it.

Please help!! I can't stand the thought of messing this up. He's my angel, and I know I'm the one not handling things appropriately, he's just doing the normal thing.

Thanks