Gentle guidanceThis board is not a debate board regarding spanking vs. non spanking. While we strongly believe that children need and thrive with guidance, we also believe that hitting is not the answer. If you have come here to discuss spanking and your reasons, please desist.
I don't know if it counts as a punishment exactly, but when Miss pre-teen starts spewing hatred her brother's way (almost never warranted and usually hormonally related) she's instructed to do something extra nice to show him love. If she's not feeling inspired or self-motivated, I'll offer up suggestions for her to pick from. Stuff like cleaning his room for him, making cookies with/for him, reading him a book, playing ball with him, a board game, etc.
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~Dannielle
Momma to Isabelle (8/95) and Mason (1/01)
I don't know if it counts as a punishment exactly, but when Miss pre-teen starts spewing hatred her brother's way (almost never warranted and usually hormonally related) she's instructed to do something extra nice to show him love. If she's not feeling inspired or self-motivated, I'll offer up suggestions for her to pick from. Stuff like cleaning his room for him, making cookies with/for him, reading him a book, playing ball with him, a board game, etc.
MAN I love this idea. I am in the camp of sending to the room, mostly as an isolation technique, ie, if they don't get out of my face in two secs, I am going to LOSE it! lol And also a reinforcement, if they can't behave around people, they will have to go away from people til they can.
Re the laps thing, while I love the idea of extra exercise, I am always reluctant to put negative connotations on something that I want them to feel positive about. Ie, in the future when they are grown up, when the thought flashes through their head that they should do some exercise, walk up those stairs rather than take the elevator, I don't want them to feel put off cause climbing stairs subconsciously reminds them that they are in trouble, or whatever. Jmho, of course!
Interesting posts. Can't think of anything unique my mom ever did and I struggle here. If my kids were fighting and I tried to make them hold hands it would actually cause them to fight more
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Teresa
Homeschooling Mom to Zachary, 9, Brianna, 6, and baby Issac, 1
Well, I will probably get flamed for these but I'm not sure they are punishments so much as discipline techniques I had to use for my son..He didn't like showering or doing chores so I had to think of a lot of interesting ways to get him to do these things..
Showering usually came down to me telling him I was not above stripping him in the front yard where people could see and hosing him down. I would have done it, too. I never had to. The threat worked
Chores..esp cleaning his room. He wouldn't do it at all..I tried everything, taking away fun things, etc. you name it. So I was in therapy and the therapist suggested this: Tell him you won't be leaving the house until it's done. If he does not start cleaning his room, tell him he needs to get out of the room and let you go in. Go in and make a very loud, bigger mess of his room. Let him back in, tell him if it's not cleaned no more "insert fun thing to do that is scheduled for that day here".
This worked, but I hated doing it..from then on, I just told him to clean it or miss out on whatever fun thing.
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Meg
Mama to Alexis, 21; Jacob, 18; and Elijah 11/20/02 and Sophia Jane, 11/20/04
Allison took this picture of my lovely girl:
Yeah, I don't punish my kids. I do send dd to her room if she is being really bad, but that isn't to punish her as much as it is to let me cool off and think of what I want to do.
Same here. When my ds gets my blood boiling, I *need* that time alone for a few minutes, so I can calm down and be the kind of parent I want to be.
Another one I do when ds seems to have waaay to much energy and can't calm down on his own is to have him run laps around the house. Like I'll say "Hey, I bet you can't run around the house 3 times before I'm done folding these clothes." He can't resist a challenge.
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Mom to Evan so happy to be 8
and a new little one due at the end of Jan 2009
Location: somewhere between complete exhaustion and utter euphoria
Posts: 5,858
Quote:
Originally Posted by LatteLover
Yeah, I don't punish my kids. I do send dd to her room if she is being really bad, but that isn't to punish her as much as it is to let me cool off and think of what I want to do.
My children feel very isolated if I do this. Instead, I let them know I need a time out and I go to my room. They usually follow but just the two minutes I get and the change of scenery helps so much.
We are also a home that does not use punishment for the most part. DH is working on it. He initially wanted to spank. Then he went to a penny on the wall with the nose. Now he is doing better with talking and redirecting. He has a lot of trouble handling noise. I have the list Irina posted on my fridge.
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Michelle
-- Mom to Beth, 11 and Sam, 8
I have never used this, but I read in a book how a child was punished by eating a mouthful of salt. Blech!
Once I tried making my daughter write out chapters from a book, usually something that I thought she'd like reading anyway, I figured at least she'd read it, right? then she started enjoying that and it wasn't a punishment!
I really like a lot of the ideas in this thread. I'm bookmarking this!
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Myra, wife to Scott, mom to Emily, 8/1997, and mama to Carrie, 11/2006!
Sissy helping sissy at the Seminole Children's Museum
I have never used this, but I read in a book how a child was punished by eating a mouthful of salt. Blech!
I was punished (humiliated) at school that way once. It was kind of a natural consequence, but it was still awful. Mind you, I was a good kid, and I really wanted to make everyone happy. Anyway, there was this cool trick (we all thought) that if you put the broth from the chicken noodle soup on your lunch tray, and then dumped a bunch of salt in it, it turned the tray purple. We did it every time we had chicken noodle soup. One week I did it, and the teacher in charge of the lunchroom that day saw me doing it, came over and yelled at us, then made me eat it. I guess I never did it again, but that feeling is not something I'd ever like to force on my children.
(I also put myself on a time out if what I need is time to cool off. But sometimes Erik really does need some "alone time" in order to regroup. He's pretty good in that he normally recognizes it himself and goes to his room, but if he doesn't, I will prod him that way gently, "Erik, do you need a little alone time in your room listening to a book?")
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Heather
Mama to E, 6 2/3 and A, 4 1/2
Well, as a non-punisher, may I respectfully present:
Alternatives To Punishment
Use positive reinforcement.
Create a positive environment.
Say yes as much as possible.
Save no for the important things.
Use restitution.
Leave it up to your child.
Compromise.
State your expectations, and get out of the way.
Give specific instructions.
Give a reason.
Offer help.
Give a choice.
Redirect your child.
Remove your child.
Make positive statements.
Give in occasionally.
Give your child time to agree.
Simply insist.
Make rules.
Ignore some behavior.
Avoid nagging and threats.
Distract your child.
Use humor.
Make it a game.
Be willing to admit your mistakes.
Stop and think before you act.
Don't make a big fuss over little things.
Stick to routines.
Don't hurry your children too much.
Get to the root of the problem.
Correct one behavior at a time.
Give yourselves time.
Use the golden rule.
Model appropriate behavior.
Think of your child as an equal.
Always keep your love for your child in mind.
From the book Natural Family Living by Peggy O'Mara
Irina, I really like some of things you posted, but I have a question. I know you have posted (I don't think it was here, I think it was over at Mothering.com that you struggle with your daughter giving you attitude and sass a lot. Do you think there is any connection? I know, personally, when J and I lower our expectations of appropriate behaivor or ignore things, then we find that our girls will push a little further with their attitudes. I feel like if we made our girls our equals as far as calling the shots (as it is with Nico at her Mom's house) then we would have a lot more struggles in guiding them to act appropriately without a 'tude. How does it work, being a parent without being "the boss" but being equals?
Back to the OP, when my girls are getting snippy with one another, we separate them. And, no matter how much they were getting on each others nerves, as soon as we say they cannot hang out together, it seems as if there is nothing that they want more. *lol*
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How Time Flies ~ Luna Blue is Two!
Tree hugging, vegetarian, breastfeeding, cloth-diapering, home schooling, drum playing Step-Mama to my sweet Nico Sage and Mama to my curly Kaya Jade and wee Luna Blue. Lovin my hottie ~ J. Blogging From the Boonies My Etsy Shop
I prefer the term discipline to punishment, since we all know what discipuli is in Latin--we have to have some semblance of order in a household where there are 3 children under 5, a pre-teen and 2 full-time working parents.
So while gentle parenting techniques are what we use, different situations (having 1 young child versus 4) call for different solutions.
I RARELY have to discipline my 11yo. I used to make her read, but like a poster mentioned above, I didn't want to have it associated with negative consequences. So now we clean the cars--together. This means that I also had an equal share in whatever the reason she is being disciplined for, ie, my parenting must wasn't up to snuff and I failed for whatever reason. Doing this allows us to talk, kind of make up with one another and just be together.
The younger ones, well, the 3 and 1yo you just don't discipline. Impossible. The 5 year old is a little tougher. Right now I'm doing time-outs ala Supernanny, one minute per age. His transgressions are usually physical--hitting his sisters, throwing things in the house (even after we removed all the balls, etc!!!). That he will most likely outgrow. He can have a smart mouth too, but that just warrants a "please speak nicely to people" yadda yadda.
from Irina's list I would like to know more about the option of "Use restitution".
in our home, if I ask someone to "please pick that up" and they reply "I didn't do it! Why do I have to pick it up?!" I say "you passed the buck, so you owe me one dollar." So far, I have collected $4 in a year, so it's been a helpful policy.
I like and already use a lot of Irina's list. But (isn't there always a but??) we've had a problem lately with Reid being mean to his little sister Lauryn. We now have an agreement - if he's mean to Lauryn (and he knows what that 'means') he and Lauryn will have a tea party together.
Irina *I 
and Briana 
so happy to be 8
and Sam, 8 
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