Gentle guidanceThis board is not a debate board regarding spanking vs. non spanking. While we strongly believe that children need and thrive with guidance, we also believe that hitting is not the answer. If you have come here to discuss spanking and your reasons, please desist.
HELP! My kids are driving me nuts! (OR, how do you stop the constant fighting?!?!)
I don't know what has happened to my wonderful children, they were never like this before.
Well, actually, I KNOW what changed, and that's my fault, we're trying to get that back in order.
But, all my kids do now is fight with each other. It's horrible.
DS1 & DS2 bicker, and when their not bickering DS2 & DD1 are fighting.
Honest to God, my kids treat total strangers better than their own siblings.
They call each other names, scream, yell and have even went so far as to hit each other (all though, that's not very often- thankfully!)
We get on them, and they get in trouble, but they don't seem to care anymore.
Dh and I have been horrible about being consistent with their punishments and staying on top of misbehaviors (I'm blaming it on my ppd and our move though!) and we ARE working on getting a system going again.
However, I don't know that our system will help with this fighting.
I can't stand it, it breaks my heart to see my kids fight like they do.
When mine start to fight a lot I find these things to be helpful:
- spend more time with them. They act out less in general and I can nip little problems in the bud before they turn into fights.
- Watch how I am speaking and treating them. My oldest bosses everyone around and uses a horrible tone - I have no idea where he got that from (yeah right!).
- Keep them busy. Mostly we need to get out of the house more and spend more time using their minds and hands.
Also, I try to remember that it is normal for them to annoy each other and tease each other. I have to overlook some things that just make me cringe. But hurting each other and name calling I crack down on.
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Melinda
with 4 great kiddos!
Josh (6/96), Nathan (9/97), Corrie (6/99) & Rylee (9/02)
I have watched some episodes of "Supernanny" on TV. When the kids are fighting with each other she will have them do a treasure hunt, or something else that will have them work as a team, and then they get a reward when they are done. HTH, or that you can figure out what else to do to help them!
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Debby
Mom to Owen (3/10/00) and Shannon (1/15/03)
when my girls get on each others nerves, I take some time and separate them from each other for a while. at least in our case, as soon as they are forced to be seperate, there's nothing they want more than to play together. *lol* Reverse Psychology....
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How Time Flies ~ Luna Blue is Two!
Tree hugging, vegetarian, breastfeeding, cloth-diapering, home schooling, drum playing Step-Mama to my sweet Nico Sage and Mama to my curly Kaya Jade and wee Luna Blue. Lovin my hottie ~ J. Blogging From the Boonies My Etsy Shop
Talk about it, a bunch. When a pair starts fighting, have them come sit on either side of you. Ask why there were fighting, let them each have a turn to talk, and then you talk. Ask how what was said made each of them feel. Ask how they could have handled it better, give them examples. I think it's easy to get in a habit of dealing w/a problem in a certain way. You just need to change the habit.
Finding the root cause to the fighting might be helpful too. Do they often fight over the same items? Remove the items.
Don't tell them you are doing it, but increase their work load until they no longer have enough free time to waste on fighting w/siblings.
Also, putting certain pairs of siblings together to work together on a job, by having the older one "teach" the younger one, will hopefully create a situation of the older one feeling proud and the younger one just enjoying positive attention from an older one.
That's all I can think of at the moment, other than the same old "family meeting" thing. Having everyone involved in solving problems, rather than dictating how things will change, is often more likely to get that change accomplished.
Keeping mine busy & splitting up certain personalities at times helps lots.
Have playdough, water colors, glue sticks, mags to tear and collage etc available--basically a little area set up with baskets of stuff (mine is in the kitchen) with a little table & chairs. Put a couple at that table. 9I don;t mean ask-- i mean say "You two look. Here". Two you figure aren't prone to arguing.
Set another at the kitchen sink with soapy warm bubbles and some non- breakables to wash. Keep a big towel nearby so your floor there can be clean. (The rest of my kitchen floor is dirty, but the area at the sink isn't. lol)
Put an older one in the tub with a younger one.
Maybe set up a little pillow area in the living room with baskets of books and a tape player or two with some books on tape.
Basically separate them in a fun way and give them something specific to do.
Give them work, too, Wash the potatoes & carrots for dinner, rake leaves in the yard, dust, etc.
When all esle fails, ask the most compliant one help you set up a fast snack for everyone. Sometimes cranky kids are low blood sugar kids. Ask me how I know.
Siblings without rivalry by Faber and Mazlisch
amazing stuff
I pull mine out and reread a chapter every few months when it starts to get crazy!
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Hayes, mama to Celeste, Lydia, William, Samuel, Isaac, and Joseph
This is Joseph at 1 month old. He is next to his newest friend, Mary Frances, just minutes after she was born. She weighed 8 pounds 10 ounces and was 18.5 inches long!
(The rest of my kitchen floor is dirty, but the area at the sink isn't. lol)
Here's a (((jodi))) hug.
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