Gentle guidanceThis board is not a debate board regarding spanking vs. non spanking. While we strongly believe that children need and thrive with guidance, we also believe that hitting is not the answer. If you have come here to discuss spanking and your reasons, please desist.
Wow, this article brings up fear, sadness and outrage for me! If I ever have a son, I sure hope I can raise him in a way that prevents some of the "trips" that boys grow up with. {sigh}
Some things to think about mamas, it's frightening what our boys are going through.
One of the books, "Real Boys" by William Pollack, is one that I highly recommend to mothers of boys, just as mothers of girls should read "Reviving Ophelia. Actually, all parents should read BOTH of these books! I read Real Boys for one of my education courses on college, and it was so enlightening. It really gave me so many 'a ha!' moments. It is so sad the way we (and I mean the general 'we' of society) socialize boys to suppress their emotions in order to be tough. Women, too, are socialized to believe that men shouldn't cry, for example, but then complain that men aren't sensitive.
One of my favorite teachers once said "teachers teach as they are taught unless there is serious intervention otherwise". I think that is often true of parents as well.
__________________ ~Heather
Mama to my two sweet boys Carter (10!) and Owen (3),
and my sweet girl Leah Charlotte, born 12/10/03
I'm a mother of 4 boys. Everyone always assumes that I feel something missing because I have no girls. Recently, the birth parents of my 2 youngest boys got pregnant again. That baby might be placed with me. She found out on her ultrasound that it's another boy. Everyone was disappointed for me, but I was strangely relieved and happy. I love boys.
I think that we, as thinking women, really have a lot to teach boys so that they can have fulfilling lives in the future. I've noticed so many of my friends and people I hear about wanting girls when they adopt.
I spend a lot of energy teaching my boys how to "read" other people and how to pay attention to what their bodies are telling them and talk about their feelings.
It's goign to make a difference in future generations because of how these children parent. My friend is reading "Real Boys" (and is going to lend it to me when she's finished) and she said part of what she's getting from it is that society is just giving up on boys. Girls' roles are enlarging and being paid serious attention to and boys are being allowed and encouraged to just contiue in their old harmful stereotypes.
We need to take care of change the future for ALL of our children. Thanks for the link.
and adding that I want to read both of those books!
I, too, am trying to teach Daniel to watch others and see how they feel; that and the challenge of teaching him his emotions and that it's alright to be scared, lonely, angry, happy, etc. He is a sensitive child and I hope that he doesn't lose that.
It drives me mad when I am talking to another mom about how rambunctious Daniel is and 99% of the time, they say, "well, you know boys..."
Um, what about girls? Girls can be and are, just as rambunctious. And boys can be just as or even more loving. Daniel loves carrying his anatomically-correct-non-circ'd baby boy around in his sling
Well - I've got 2 boys and in raising them I try to keep in mind that I am raising MEN.
I feel our culture has become anti-boy. I feel people try to deny their boyness. People are shocked by boys natural tendency to roughhouse - they call it violent behavior. Now, I know that not all boys are rough and some girls are that way too - but the vast majority of boys enjoy a good wrestling match.
I think of my husband - he does home repair/construction work. He has a bad back. He works long hard hours, busting his a** for our family even when he is in pain. He doesn't complain. He sets aside everything for our family, being totally selfless. I want my boys to grow up to be a man like him.
Yes, I've seem my husband break down and cry. He has emotions and pains and expresses them. But he doesn't let them keep him from doing what needs to be done. He is strong, masculine and super respectful of women. He honors me, his mother (even his bio mother who dosen't deserve it), and my mother. He demands that our children respect me. He is the leader of our home and a godly man. He is loving and gentle and an incredible father.
I want my boys to be very much like him in their values - I can't think of a better way for them to be. The way to accomplish this is not to sit around and talk about feelings (not that I discount their feelings), but for them to spend as much time with him as possible.
My husband hunts and fishes and is a big outdoorsman. My boys love this too. We have guns, bows and knives just for them. They are learning to use them properly and safely. They are learning to build with real tools. My 7 yr old has begun to go to work occasionally with his daddy and help him build things. He is learning that if you hit your thumb with a hammer - it hurts, but you don't need to carry on about it - you continue working because there is a job to do and a family to feed.
I don't feel that any of this is going to make my boys violent. I don't think that letting them play with guns will make them violent. Nor will reading them stories about Davey Crocket or Daniel Boone or about Great warriors, frontiersman.
I feel that what makes young men violent is the lack of quality male role models in their lives to channel their natural aggressions into postive behaviors. Men to teach them values like respect and honor.
Other harmful aspects are the media that portrays men as stupid, laughable fools. Or the school system which sits them at a desk and wants them to act more like girls. Or our workforce today where men never get their hands dirty or perform any physical labor.
If you really want a good read about raising boys - try Dr. Dobsons book about boys.
Melinda
__________________
Melinda
with 4 great kiddos!
Josh (6/96), Nathan (9/97), Corrie (6/99) & Rylee (9/02)
Daniel and me...obviously I forgot to smile 
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