amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

lazygirrl · 05-15-2004, 12:44 PM

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He said he didn't do it very hard, but that he "tapped" him on the butt.

Gosh, I first would get clear on what exactly a tap on the butt is, don't the guys on football teams do it all the time to one another?
Here we are screaming about sexual abuse and beatings.
Maybe he did spank him, maybe not.

(flame away!!!!!!)

beanandpumpkin · 05-15-2004, 05:57 PM

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Originally posted by colors_of_natur
Gosh, I first would get clear on what exactly a tap on the butt is, don't the guys on football teams do it all the time to one another?

I'm not going to "flame" you, but I would like to point out that a lot happens between grown men (football players) that shouldn't happen between an adult and a child.

If a friend's husband whacked ME on the butt while I was at their house, I'd consider that sexual harrassment, and the law might consider it assault. Now, if that happened between adults, I probably wouldn't go so far as to threaten legal action or whatever, but I certainly would for my CHILD. If it actually happened as the OP said, then the father just might think that such an action is appropriate...I think that reminding him that hitting a child is assault just might make him think again next time, if another "hyper" child ticks him of, yk?

I guess in my opinion, no one has any business touching my kid in that way anyway, whether it's a "tap" on the butt or a "spanking" so it's a moot point.

Michelle

lazygirrl · 05-15-2004, 06:28 PM

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whacked ME

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tapped" him

they aren't the same?

pinkmommy · 05-15-2004, 06:59 PM

Did the neighbor guy mention that he did this? It sounds like he said he took your son home because his wife wasn't up to watching children -- unless of course they wanted to watch TV. Did he say he felt a need to discipline (punish) your son because of the hyper behavior? If someone had a behavioral problem with my child which required some sort of more-than-minor discipline, I would expect they would mention it to me. I certainly would not expect anyone would spank my child nor do I feel any reasonable person would spank a child not their own unless given permission to do so.

I am confused about what the level of contact was. Well, just about any contact on the butt sounds strange to me -- be it a spank or a tap. Then again, sometimes I kind of lightly tap my children on the bottom -- not so much as a spanking but as a nonverbal communication. Kind of hard to explain, but it is a lighthearted thing. I would never do this with another person's child.

I would definitely talk to the neighbor but try to do so in a calm way to figure out what happened. If nothing else, it would be a good idea to give this person a head's up that his actions brought up red flags.

How well do you know your neighbors? Did you expect something like this from them?

I get chills thinking that there are people who think that spanking another person's child without permission is ok. I know we have the responsibility as parents to know the people who are watching our children, but I also know that you don't expect your child is going to be spanked by a neighbor.

nellebelle · 05-16-2004, 01:35 AM

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Did the neighbor guy mention that he did this?

No, he didn't mention it at all.

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It sounds like he said he took your son home because his wife wasn't up to watching children -- unless of course they wanted to watch TV.

Yes, exactly it. DS had "too much energy." The wife said ds wasn't being naughty, but that she just didn't have it in her to try and keep up with him today. Ds had gone over and asked if he could play with their son (after asking me if was okay) and they said yes. That's how he ended up over there playing.

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Did he say he felt a need to discipline (punish) your son because of the hyper behavior?

No, he just basically said that ds was too much to handle for his wife alone and that he was on his way to an appt. so ds had to come home.

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If someone had a behavioral problem with my child which required some sort of more-than-minor discipline, I would expect they would mention it to me. I certainly would not expect anyone would spank my child nor do I feel any reasonable person would spank a child not their own unless given permission to do so.

We've discussed that time-outs are o.k. and that if needed, they should call me to come and get him. Ds is usually over there to play at least every other day or is out in the yard playing with their son that often.

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How well do you know your neighbors? Did you expect something like this from them?

They moved in last fall. The kids have played between the two houses on a nearly daily basis since then. In some ways we have similar parenting philosophies, but in other ways we are worlds apart. I have a "this is what is okay with me discipline-wise" conversation anytime my son goes over to another person's house.

Did I expect it? Gosh, that's hard to answer. I do not trust but a couple of people with my kids. I think that's because of my own issues with the fact that my mom was physically abusive with me as a kid so I tend to see monsters in dark corners a lot. Expected? No. Surprised? No. This is a small town in the midwest. Spanking is the norm. I would still think, though, that most people would know to not spank someone else's kid.

Well, we were gone all day so I didn't have an opportunity to talk to them. In fact, I think they are gone too. No lights are on and they're night owls. We'll have to see if they're home tomorrow.

Nelle

~Denise~ · 05-16-2004, 01:38 AM

Wow. Just wow. I can't imagine having that happen. I'd be livid and ferocious to say the least.

It's things like THAT that would cause me to want to become violent myself, with THEM! LOL.

nellebelle · 05-16-2004, 01:48 AM

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Wow. Just wow. I can't imagine having that happen. I'd be livid and ferocious to say the least. It's things like THAT that would cause me to want to become violent myself, with THEM! LOL.

Yeah. I think that mama-bear ferociousness is what got me over there to confront them in the first place.

I'm just so angry. I feel like he was being disciplined for being a very active 6 year old boy. I'm trying to be understanding... to try to understand that the mom just wasn't feeling the greatest and so they sent him home. But, ds was literally in tears and sobbing because he was sad. It just broke my heart.

Then, to find out what went on over there, he tells me that the dad swatted him one. That's when I saw red. URGH. I just want to go over there and pop him one and say, "Hey jerk, that's MY kid. You keep your hands off!" But, that's not right either.

Just frustrated.

Well, off to bed. Excuse me if I don't get back for a couple of days... working on the new house and trying to keep up with what my kids need from me is about all I can handle right now. Enjoy the rest of the weekend ladies...

Nelle