amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

NicosMami · 05-08-2004, 05:41 AM

I was hoping to never have to post here but I suppose I was bound to hit some bumps (not my child lol).

My angel, has been up until recently, been just that, an absolute angel. But he's turning 3 this weekend and in the past month or less, well, he's been a bit challenging. He's not unmanageable, but I find myself struggling to react appropriately.

Example

He has begun hitting me when he doesn't want to do something or disagrees with me.

Has started refusing to follow instructions.

Has started to purposely disobey ie, threatening to kick something off deck after I have asked him not too

It seems to me that he is testing boundaries. I don't know. I"m sure it's normal. I just don't want to mishandle things, and I KNOW I already am. I was raised with the "iron fist" and anger management has always been and issue with my family (mom, dad, sister, brother). So I have been careful from the beginning not to fall into the trap. But know, aayyee. I find myself doing things that I can't stand. Most notably the ear pulling thing. How absurd, I don't even agree with it.

Please help!! I can't stand the thought of messing this up. He's my angel, and I know I'm the one not handling things appropriately, he's just doing the normal thing.

ModernMother · 05-10-2004, 02:07 AM

With the hitting I make a sad face (maybe even shed a tear) take his hands gently in mine and say "Hitting hurts Mommy, it makes Mommy sad. Be gentle with your hands" Then I have him stroke my cheek and say "sorry Mommy"

Toddlers are so trying! I find it's best to keep tempting items up out of his reach. I also don't expect him to stop the first time. I ask him to stop an offending behavior only once, and then I go and help him to stop. Not in a mean way, I just say "It looks like you need help stopping ____"

I also try to be positive a lot...ie. "we walk in the kitchen" rather than "don't run" or "In our family we are gentle" rather than "Don't hit" etc.

Good luck! It's all trial and error really.

NicosMami · 05-10-2004, 05:49 AM

Thanks mama! It just seems so hard sometimes. I love him dearly but man o man. He really makes me search my brain for alternatives. Funny enough, after posting, I've been making a renewed effort to be patient and THINK before I act. If I think first, I am less likely to do something I will regret. Here's to giving it your best shot.