Gentle guidanceThis board is not a debate board regarding spanking vs. non spanking. While we strongly believe that children need and thrive with guidance, we also believe that hitting is not the answer. If you have come here to discuss spanking and your reasons, please desist.
That is a typical night at our house. 4 or 5 roll around and the kids turn into psychos. It is a crazy time, constantly asking "when will daddy be home", "what's for dinner", "mommy, amanda did this", "Mommy Brandon did that" all while trying to cook dinner.
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Kathy
Mom to Amanda and Brandon
07/11/1999
that time can get crazy here also. I try to have my 8 and 3 yr old help set the table, and anything else i can find they are capable of doing, putting stuff in the trash for me, getting something out of the fridge or cabinet, just busy work. the more i keep them busy the better they behave.
i try to nurse the baby (she is almost 13 mos.) right before i start dinner then put her in the high chair and give her a snack or something to entertain her. sometimes even just a few drops of water on the tray entertains her for a long time, smearing it around. lol. oh, and sometimes i give her the junk mail, like from credit card co. and such to "open". once in a while she will still try to stick a piece of paper in her mouth, so i have to watch but this can entertain for a long while. (my 3 yr old also likes to think she got mail).
i also insist that my 3 yr old nap. if she doesnt fall asleep w/in about an hr, but has laid in her bed quietly i allow her to get up. but if she has been playing around, making noise, yelling for me, or whatever, she is not allowed up.
once in a while i will let them watch a movie while i am cooking. that usually entertains them since they dont get much tv.
i hope you can find somethings to help make it less stressful for you. it is one of the most trying times of the day.
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Tanya
Wife to Keith (15 yrs.)
SAHM to Brooke (12), Sarah (8), Taylor (5) and Sydney Allison (9 months)
Christian, HS
When you mentioned that taking away priviliges/setting consequences doesn't "get" them that rang a bell for me.
I have a 4 year old who will often say, "That's just okay!" in response to a consequence that is meant to be undesirable. I try to see this as a sign of resilience but when I'm trying to implement a consequence for unacceptable behavior, it's tough.
One thing that has helped somewhat is talking about a schedule for the day and being specific about plans. Then when it's time to do whatever-it-is, I can remind: "We talked about this, and you agreed that you would do X." It may sound like a lame consequence compared to "no TV for a week" - but it is a consequence - "you said you would do X, and the consequence is that I expect you to do X."
What's interesting about this is the answers I get when I ask "is there a reason why you are refusing to do X?" Often it's disarming because I'm getting upset about a perceived power struggle, and my kid is just thinking about something totally different - something imaginative, or some legitimate issue (like "I have to use the bathroom").
the other day he was fighting with the neighbor kids and his sister and got sent to his room twice. the second time after he calmed down he realized he was hungry. was much better after he ate.
I'm sure we've all been there. Late afternoons can be difficult; kids get tired from their day, hungry too.
I started making dinner before my oldest is home so that I can focus on the kids instead of the kitchen. It's best when dinner is made the earliest - my day just seems to run more smoothly.
I don't remember how old your kids are, but I give my boys jobs to do -I just discovered that my 2 1/2 year old can help set the table.
I also try to send them outside to play (weather permitting) - I watch them from the kitchen (my yard is fenced in).
Another thing I do is give them snacks (my younger boys around 3:30 and my older one right when he walks in from school at 4:45) sometimes a cookie, but frequently baby carrots, rice cake, peanut butter, salsa, etc) - just enough to take the edge off.
I like to give baths around 5:30 /6 and then dinner in pajamas. I find that the bath really helps them calm down. Bedtime is at 7 for the two younger ones - we like to have that extra time to wind down.
Good luck! and know, certainly, you're not alone. With my oldest, my dh and I used to always say that 5 o'clock was 'witching' hour. Also, giving advance warning is good.
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tyuipos?? NAK
Rivka; mother of A, N, and R & the twins
Sounds like our house too. Plus add in the added stress of knowing that I'm about to get passive-agressively (is that a word combo? LoL) b*tched at when dh gets home for not having the house up to par it makes for very stressful days. Not to mention that by the time that part of the day rolls around I'm already whooped from trying to clean the house throughout the day. And play ponies....and make lunch/breakfest/....change diapers......etc.
Yeah - and I'm really going to be able to homeschool this year.
Sorry - didn't mean to hijack your thread. Having a rough day here and just wanted to offer support.
~Ash~
__________________ Practice Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty
Don't mean to veer off-topic again, but I don't understand why there should be a disconnect between AP values and firm discipline? (per Meeshi's and following comments) It seems a lot more AP to me to be with the kids and guiding them all the time, rather than yelling "stop that!" from across the room or just permissively letting them run wild. Kids of a certain age (maybe any age, to varying degrees) need a certain amount of structure and discipline, and thrive on it.
I love Tikva's idea of giving them baths before dinner! It would only work if you already had dinner prepared, or if you could fix dinner after bathtime (so they'll be calmed down while you work). I read something once to the effect of "when the kids are going wild, put them in water". Now, I know I just have one little 2 YO daughter, but it's held true for her so far. If you just can't conceive of baths that early, maybe a wading pool in the yard? They could all get in together and have fun!
Well, if it makes you feel any better that is EXACTLY how my house is around that time too! My SO works evenings and so I'm alone with all four kids at htis worst part of the day, and it's very hard to put dinner on the table during this screaming/fighting time of day, so I hear ya.
One thing I found a little easier is when I plan meals earlier in the day and do most of the work when the house is calm (after lunch) or put dinner in the crock pot, then it's just a matter of assembling the food on the plates and serving and not so much trying to hold two toddlers that are screaming for me while trying to cook hot food at the stove and referee fights and arguments between the older two when it's the most chaotic at pre-dinner/dinner time.
__________________ ~Valerie~ WAHM to Asasia (7/3/95) Damian (3/21/98) Jaiden (4/19/01) & Mackenzie (7/29/02) View or leave me FEEDBACK here! There is a secret in our culture-
and it's not that birth is painful...
It is that women are strong. ~Laura Stavoe Harm
Last edited by momgoddess : 05-09-2004 at 06:18 PM.
One I have to add is regarding naps. Taking away priviledges was mentioned BUT don't forget rewards. Instead of taking away priviledges because of what they aren't doing....reward them if they are doing what you would like them to do!
IF they have a quiet time (activities appropriate for their ages Eg: younger ones looking at books, listening to books on tape, quiet play alone or older kids could use markers for drawing, etc.) THEN they get something that is reward enough for them to want to stay in quiet time!! I also used a timer when they were younger so that when it went off, they knew it was over vs them asking me every 2 minutes. I HAD to implement it when the twins were new as it was the only way they could get a decent rest in the afternoon & me too!! I think all my kids need & enjoy the time away from each-other since they all learn at home (foster children are in school). They come out more refreshed & in a better mood to play with eachother too.
Instead of me saying, "If you don't stay in your room, no computer, no t.v.", etc. I say, "If you DO stay in your room then you may play on the computer, watch t.v"etc. It is actually pretty amazing how slightly changing the wording can change it from something "negative-loosing privledges" to something "positive-earning privledges".
Having a healthy snack and drink (water) is important for my kids as well as myself!! Also getting adequate active time during the rest of the day helps too. Our foster dds have home-work to do after school so they need it to be more quiet to concentrate. Then we have some active outside time before dinner. After dinner is quiet time for reading, playing a quiet board game or something quiet on the computer, bath time, etc.
I have to keep an eye out on the moods of everyone & excitement level too. Once the twins get wound up they get absolutely CRAZY!! We had a relief foster DS for the weekend & he can really get them going, so lots of outside activity in the day-time & strictly enforced quiet time after dinner. They can choose quiet activities with the family because if they don't they will be having quiet time in their rooms. The kids rarely end up in their rooms. More often if they are up there in the evening it is because they want to have some of their own quieter time to read or even have a heart to heart with a sibling. Still amazes me how sometimes they can be arguing on & off all day long, but when the sun goes down & the house is in "quiet mode" the seek eachother out for some really nice conversations.
Kerri, mom to Amanda(13),Emma(12), B(11,foster dd), Maddison(10), J(9,foster dd), Jonah(7), Saige & Claire( 3, ID Twins) & Teagan(Sept 2003)
Award for 3.5 yrs nursing Twins
Jordan 12/97
Cherise
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