Gentle guidanceThis board is not a debate board regarding spanking vs. non spanking. While we strongly believe that children need and thrive with guidance, we also believe that hitting is not the answer. If you have come here to discuss spanking and your reasons, please desist.
I have been severely limiting ds's tv time lately because he got too used to it during our move and today when he had just earned a Blues Clues video by going potty I hear the cat run out of his room and DS is following him and then he whacks the cat before I could get to him with a wooden piece of train track. I am so furious, we have never had a problem with him hitting before this past week. I mean I asked him what he was doing and he plainly said "hitting the cat". WTF has possessed my child? I mean he has always been a nice child. Monday he hit a little girl at the gym nursery and that I kinda understood...He has issues with being touched and hovered over and this little girl was all over him even after he hit her...My main issue with that is that he refused to apologize. I had to just put DS to bed now, I am so angry that I think if I had tried to talk it out with him I would have lost it. I know his reasoning skills aren't that good yet. I mean if I spanked him for this I would be saying what if you hit, you get hit? That doesn't make any sense to me but the time out thing just isn't doing it. He doesn't even seem to see what is wrong with hitting the cat! Fortunately the cat is okay, poor guy is only 12 weeks old. Well off to bang my head against the wall and figure out where I have gone wrong already!
Frustrated mommy
Jennifer
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Jennifer, Mom to Hunter age 8, Autumn age 3 and Stepmom to Adam age 10. Newlywed to Travis, my hot tattoo'd nuclear engineer!
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Well, you just moved. Kids regress and act out when they go through a move. The routine changes and it's hard for them to deal with it. You haven't gone wrong.
Just stay consistent and gentle. "Hands are not for hitting," "you can hurt the cat if you hit him," simple, short sentences that reinforce the message. I don't do time out personally so I don't have advice there.
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Lauren
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I like to ask my kids, if they would like me or someone else to do unto them, what they just did or are doing unto others. Like in your situation, In that situation, I would say to ds, "Would you like it if mommy were to hit you with a trian track piece? (wait for an answer for each question, make them really think about it) Would that feel good? Would it hurt? Would you be angry with me if I were to hit you with a train track piece?...etc" That always works well for us here, because my kids would say no to having someone else hit them, and helps them better see why they shouldn't hurt others.
keep in mind i'm eating lunch, juggling two puppies, and keeping landon's hands off the kyboard while typing this, so it might come off a little harsh without all the round about sugarcoating i would usually add into a post.
follow me? great, lol
he's 3.
he just moved.
his life as he knows it has turned upside down and he needs to regain control of anything he can.
he has little control over anything in his life-because he is 3.
so, the few things you've described him doing (hitting the cat, and the playmate) is him controlling *something*...*anything* he can. does this make sense?
keep asserting VERBALLY, such as "we don't animals, we love them-like this"...and show him (although it sounds like you have, do it again, and keep reiterating until he changes the bahavior).
as for the hitting the other child, sounds normal for his age-especially if he has issues with hovering people in his face/space. a simple "people are for loving, not hitting" (repetitive) would work here. "if you choose to hit again, we will leave and go home" (and if he hits again, leave!)
ITA, it's the stress of the move. My DS, just turned five, has had a major regression since our move in July. It certainly doesn't mean you shouldn't address the behaviour, but I doubt it's a permanent change in his personality.
The mamas have good advice for you. If it were I, I would not spank or give a time out. However, if you are really angry with him and afraid you'll "lose it" then putting him in his room and going to cool off and think about it sounds like your best option.
I personally wouldn't just do the "hands are not for hitting" (no offense, to the mamas that this works for ). Calvin needs consequences. I would sit him down, explain to him what he did wrong and why it's not okay, tell him that he doesn't get hit and he cannot hit anyone else. In the case of hitting a person or animal I would give a punishment. Most likely he would not be able to watch Magic School Bus later in the afternoon. This would upset him. Later when he asks to watch it and I have to tell him again that he can't because he hit the cat, he'll again be disappointed. This is something I've just started in the last 6 months and it seems to have an impact and work for us. No yelling, hitting, time outs and it just gets through to him.
He doesn't get punished every time he misbehaves. We've only had to do it 3 times and didn't see the offensive behavior again after the punishment.
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Kori,
Mom to Calvin 8, Nathan 6 & loving wife to Lance since '97
i really think you've gotten some great advice. my take on this is that you can use it as an opportunity to reinforce positive behavior. spend some time together petting the kitty or maybe playing with it (i'll send y'all some catnip if you want, we have a bumper crop!) and then as his reward for being gentle, take him on a walk to explore the new neighborhood or a drive to discover the new ice cream store. that gives him a positive message, and also helps him start to feel in control of the newness of the move.
you're not doing anything wrong it's just hard to be three sometimes.
is what we both needed. He woke up and came out of his room and found me, when he did he told me he was sorry for hurting neelix(cat) and then he went to neelix and cuddled him and told him he was sorry. Part of me really thinks some of this is stemming from DH and grandpa letting him watch cartoon network this past weekend. When I came home from my coven meeting he was watching ed, ed and eddie and I turned off the TV and had a chat with both of them. I really only let DS watch some PBS and Blues Clues here. He knows he has lost TV privledges for the rest of the day and that we aren't going to the park tonight(partly weather though). I don't spank but I do use time outs for some things and I take privledges away for others. We don't yell here(well not often, I mean everyone has a day once and awhile) Hopefully making our routine very firm and enforcing all the rules will bring him back...Just so funny from a kid who can't stand to see anyone hit or any kind of voilence or yelling. Guess thats why this threw me for such a loop.
We had to move so suddenly that he didn't get time to get used to the idea like the last move. Our house got flooded with sewage water and we had to move immediately and do it all on our own so for a week he was just kinda shuffled back and forth from old house to new while DH and I moved everything. Poor kid ate nothing but restraunt food for a week so now he is having french fry withdrawal!
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