amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

gypsimama · 09-18-2003, 01:35 PM

I could really use some words of advice or encouragement right now. Here's the scoop:

We (dh and I) have a wonderful 2 yo dd who has had her life turned upsidedown by the birth of our second daughter 3 weeks ago. R (the 2 yo) has been trying to hit, pinch, squeeze and otherwise inflict harm on E (the 3 week old). I am trying my best to stay calm and redirect her and offer her alternatives but sometimes I feel like a mother bear protecting her cub and have to leave the room with the baby. I know that she wants more of my attention, but I'm feeling stretched to the max. Dh is away a lot right now and I'm with the kiddos alone day and night and it is so much harder than I thought it would be.

On top of trying to hurt the baby, she wants to nurse everytime the baby nurses. This is making me CRAZY!! But if I say no she completely freaks out and comes at the baby with a block of wood. Until the baby was born she was only nursing in the morning when she woke up and at nap time...now it feels like a zillion times a day.

The last thing that is really tough is the fact that she is waking up at 4:30 am and screaming to nurse. It has been a rule for about 8 mo that we nurse once the sun comes up and she usually sleeps until 5:30 or 6am. Waking up at 4:30 is making us both super grouchy and to be honest, I'm really pissed off that she is up and screaming that early. We live in an apartment and I don't want to wake the people above us. She still takes a nap (which she needs) and goes to bed at the same time...what to do??

Please mama's - give me some sage advice that will get me through this time without me flipping my wig.

TIA,
Kaight

RocketScientist · 09-18-2003, 01:52 PM

here's one thread that is very pertinent to your situation right now:
http://www.amitymama.com/vb/showthre...threadid=25217

I hope this helps, and that more people reply to your thread!

MGray · 09-22-2003, 05:28 PM

Ah, its so hard to be dethroned!

Lets see - When I had Nathan (#2), I really tried to emphasize to Josh (#1) that this was HIS brother. Josh was 15 months old and I feel he did adjust quickly because he was so young. But anyway, when Josh was aggressive, I would gasp and be all shocked and say "you hurt your brother" with extra emphasis on hurt and brother. Then I would remind him about how he doesn't want to hurt his brother, he loves his brother and then we would all snuggle and hug. My shock and attitude really seemed to touch his heart and make him very protective. Also, emphasising that Nathan was HIS made him protective too.

I also spent lots of time holding Josh while Josh held Nathan. I would tell Josh - look at how your brother loves you. He likes to be with you. Look at him smiling at you. That type of thing. I really think it helped.

It isn't easy - I really couldn't put Nathan down for the first few months if Josh was in the room, without Josh climbing all over the two of us. Luckily, babies are pretty durable!

Now, I wasn't tandem nursing, so I didn't have to deal with that. But, I would always keep a cup of juice or milk in the fridge and when I needed to nurse, I would get that cup for Josh and snuggle up on the sofa with the two of them and a book or cool toy. He couldn't have looked at the book or played with the cool toy and nursed too!

The night time thing - well, I would tell my child that it is too early to get up and to go back to sleep. I'd offer to get them a drink, but that is about it. Actually, I probably wouldn't do anything because DH usually handles all the nighttime issues of any non-nursing kiddos. Since this isn't a time when you want to be nursing your 2 yo, I would send DH to handle it. Something about Daddy telling you to go back to sleep usually handles it.
Of course, if your DH isn't there during that time - you need to deal with it.

You know, it isn't going to hurt your 2 yr old to hear, "no - you can't nurse right now, but I'll snuggle with you." If she pitches a fit - I would put the baby down (yes she will cry, but it'll be okay), pick up your 2yo and put her in her bed (or some other appropriate place) and say "I hope you can calm down so we can snuggle (read books, whatever)" and then go back and nurse the baby.

I found with all my toddlers, once they realized that mommy was willing to put the baby down and deal with their behavior, they didn't push their boundaries so much. The rules are still the rules and momma will still enforce them even with that baby there. Consistancy, consistancy.

Good luck
Melinda