amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

Breila · 09-17-2003, 07:24 PM

I was amazed that someone would put it quite this, well, harshly. It was part of a larger email about finding time to work your direct sales business, specific to the one I am involved in.

Okay, I can't figure out the quote feature, so here is the cut and paste:

Please don't
> mistake me for bragging...I'm teaching you what you can expect your kids
> to do and the ages they can be held accountable for doing it alone and
> doing a good job...and if you don't teach your kids to do these
> things...make sure they don't propose marriage to my kids (ha!).
>
> *bathroom - when my kids were 6 (I started training them when they were
> 5), they could clean the entire bathroom by themselves.....and
> no...you're not a mean mother by telling them they need to do it over
> again because they didn't get it right the first time. It takes time to
> train them, so go alongside and work with them until you feel confident
> they can do the job and do it right. At that point, you should be able
> to bark the orders and they obey without delay....and yes, I believe in
> pain as a motivator to get that immediate obedience (scripture commands
> it of us...you've read it before "spare the rod, spoil the child." When
> your children know you're going to be consistent, it only takes about 3
> days at the most to get things in shape if you're serious....which is a
> whole other training topic!)...okay enough on that because I know I just
> ruffled a few feathers...just telling you what I do. If you don't enjoy
> your kids and they drive you absolutely insane, why do you keep parenting
> the way you are??? I don't waste very many words on my kids! When I say
> jump, they better be saying, "How high Mama!"
>

Pain as a motivator, how well does it motivate you, hmmmm?

nellebelle · 09-17-2003, 07:38 PM

Quote:

"spare the rod, spoil the child."

Ugh.. disgusting. That's old testament first of all but I'm loathe to get into a religious discussion today.

I was talking to a lady at church and was telling her how my 17 mos. old dd pulls my 5 yr old ds's hair. She told me I should slap her hand when she does this. I told her it doesn't make sense to me to do that because I'm hitting her and hurting her for hurting her brother. I told her that it sends a mixed message. That's when she said spare the rod spoil the child.

I guess I'm confused. What does that story have to do with selling a product? Why would they include that in a business email? Pretty unprofessional IMO.

Nelle

Breila · 09-17-2003, 07:54 PM

Basically it was about finding more time to run your business. It included suggestions like turning off the TV, but the vast majority of the message was about getting your kids to "pull their fair share of the housework", so you could work your business.

Here is another part of it:

Can you stop cooking ... meals for supper for just a month? (please get
> buy in from your family members on this one first...I don't want any hate
> email coming from husbands!). My 5 year old came in around supper time
> one day and said, "Mama, are you cooking supper tonight or are we fending
> for ourselves again?" My husband later told Joshua, "There's nothing
> wrong with learning to fend for yourself...in fact, it's good for you.
> Get the peanut butter jar out."

She talks a lot of talk about how successful she is as a consultant, but I have to wonder at what price? It is not a price I want to pay. I would rather enjoy my children's childhood, cook for my family, and generally enjoy my life.

Debby · 09-17-2003, 08:33 PM

Wow, Amy I'm with you on that. I would hate to be that woman's child - ouch! My family definitely comes before my work. Sure I love my work, but how can that compare next to my babies and husband? Debby

~Denise~ · 09-17-2003, 09:29 PM

Wowsers....I could never, ever expect my children to clean the entire bathroom.....wow. Sad! I believe we have children to enjoy them, as in enjoying them as children...not to "train" with pain to be little slaves so we can run a business.....ugh! I have nothing at all against having kids learn to clean and help, it is, after all, their home too.....but I totally disagree with this womans reason behind it and her method.....She seems to be mistaking her kids for maids....Oh, wait, we don't get to beat the maids either....darn. Perhaps she is mistaking them for, ummm, hmmm, I don't know, we don't get to "motivate" other people or animals to do things by beating them! I think she's just a nut. (o;

P.S People who have kids and expect them act like mini-adults realllllly annoy me....can ya' tell?!

ksmama · 09-17-2003, 11:15 PM

Okay that was horrifying! How terrible for her children.

<I don't waste very many words on my kids! When I say
jump, they better be saying, "How high Mama!">

WHATEVER! I can't believe that. That isn't a respect for your parents, that is a fear of your paerents. I wouldn't want my child doing things for me out of fear.

<I was talking to a lady at church and was telling her how my 17 mos. old dd pulls my 5 yr old ds's hair. She told me I should slap her hand when she does this. I told her it doesn't make sense to me to do that because I'm hitting her and hurting her for hurting her brother. I told her that it sends a mixed message. That's when she said spare the rod spoil the child.>

I have been told that if my child was nursing (rather my baby) and she bit me to pull her off and pop her mouth and so no! Can you imagine? Yeah, if my 5 month old bites me she really meant to do it out meanness. Give me a break!
People are crazy!!! Sorry I didn't know how to paste a quote without copying then pasting.
Katie

Constance · 09-18-2003, 12:02 AM

I just wanted to say

Spare the rod spoil the child .....

....is not old testament. It is not even in the bible. There are scriptures about spanking and training but this is not one of them.

If anyone ever tells you it is a bible quote, they have not done their research.

nellebelle · 09-18-2003, 04:59 PM

Quote:

....is not old testament. It is not even in the bible. There are scriptures about spanking and training but this is not one of them.

Sorry, didn't mean to imply that this was a quote... or did you mean the original author of the email sent to the OP? They talk a lot about disciplining of children in Deuteronomy (I think I just spelled that wrong, lol) but I'm not as well read as I should be.

Nelle

Constance · 09-18-2003, 05:05 PM

Quote:

or did you mean the original author of the email sent to the OP?

Yes that option

I meant, if the email was telling the OP "spare the rod spoil the child" was a scripture reference she was being mislead. There are scripture references but many people who profess to know scripture use that quote and it is not in the bible. Thats what I meant to say.

nellebelle · 09-18-2003, 05:21 PM

Quote:

I meant, if the email was telling the OP "spare the rod spoil the child" was a scripture reference she was being mislead. There are scripture references but many people who profess to know scripture use that quote and it is not in the bible. Thats what I meant to say.

AHHHHH... gotcha, lol. I had to reread my original post to make sure I hadn't implied that the aforementioned phrase was in the Bible

Hee hee... gosh, about a full night of sleep might clear the cobwebs out

My kids have the knack for night waking on alternate schedules so that about the time I get one down the other is up. Doesn't happen all that often anymore as the oldest is 5 but last night they had it down to a science, lol.

Nelle

rwikene · 10-06-2003, 03:41 AM

LOL, I can't even expect my husband to clean the bathroom right...let alone a child!!!

this lady is just stupid. Her kids are going to need years of therapy just to deal with her "parenting" (well, I don't even believe this is parenting more like slave labor)

Nobody in this house commands anyone else around, I'm teaching my child to grow up and be respectful of other people (adults and children alike). Wonder what her kids are going to grow up and be like?!?! Poor babies

MGray · 10-06-2003, 09:53 PM

Well, my 7 yr old can do a darn good job on the bathroom. I expect him to even!!

He and the 6 yr old can unload and reload the dishwasher (they do the dishes most every night after supper). They vaccuum. My 4 yr old can make sandwiches for lunch for the whole family (she is very slow however).

I don't think it is wrong to teach your children to do housework. I don't think it is wrong for them to learn to get a mean by yourself. I didn't like the tone of the e-mail, but the content is valid.

Heck, it used to be that by 7 a girl would be able to do most any household chore that her momma did. My kids are very capable of the chores they do. I spend time doing it with them for quite a while (you know that stage when it is easier to do it yourself!!) and then when they have demonstrated the ability it is their job. And if they do a poor job when I know they can do better, there are consequences!

But, we have 6 people in our house and I homeschool. It would be impossible for me to not have them help.

Just a different POV
Melinda

Breila · 10-07-2003, 08:38 AM

At least for me, the opposition to the e mail was not the expectation of children helping out around the house. I was bothered by the "drill seargent" tone of the woman, the use of "pain as a motivator", the insinuation that if we don't spank our children that they will be crazy and we are parenting wrong, the insinuation that her children are doing ALL the housework so she can run a successful sales business that allows her to be a SAHM (and watch her children clean her house!), etc.

I only have two boys, age 5 and 3. But I do expect them to help out around the house. The 5yo wipes down the bathroom, washes windows, sets and clears dishes, helps load the dishwasher, and is responsible for keeping his own belongings put away. Helping with laundry is next on his list of lessons. The 3yo basically just helps out when I ask. They can both run the carpet sweeper. But I don't use pain as a motivator, and I do keep in mind that they are children and things won't get done perfectly.