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HELP! I need some strategies to deal with ds' tantrums!
Justin is 4 and autistic, with verbal apraxia (speech disorder) and SID (sensory issues).
In the past few weeks I've been noticing more and more tantrums.....and it's to the point where he kicks, hits, scratches, pulls hair and bites me when I try to say, get him to go potty (before he wets himself AGAIN!), or try to divert his attention away from say, him wanting pop to coming with me into the livingroom, and also he's suddenly throwing these tantrums at the mere SUGGESTION of a bath, (once he's in there and settles down he won't get OUT, so why the tantrum?!)
I'm at a loss for coping mechanisms/strategies on how to deal with this. I should also add that at 4 years and 2 months old he's 53 pounds, 42.5 inches tall and strong as I don't know what. I thought that perhaps by getting him into his room for some quiet time might help...you know, wait until he's done with his tantrum and quiet, then go in and talk to him....but I can't hold him while he's freaking out and doing that kung fu move (aka arms straight up and slides right out of my hands/arms!)....never mind getting him UP the stairs and into his room. Time out only works sometimes (they have more luck with him at school with it), and short of sitting on him to keep him sitting down on the bottom stair for time out, it isn't going to work for us.
He starts school the 26th so we need to get some kind of handle on this now, yk? Can you imagine him pulling this on the AM of his first day back to preschool with the bus waiting?! EEKS! I'm already worried about it!
Our bedtime ritual used to consist of a nice, long, warm bath, getting him in his pj's and reading him any where from 1 to 25 books (all short books!) ending with his Good Night book (that's when he knew I was DONE reading to him for the night), but he's so all over the place it's not working! Add to that his current unwillingness to take a bath our whole bedtime ritual is gone!
UGH! I'm making an appt with his ped, because I'm wondering if he doesn't have some food allergy issues (namely tomato allergy since I started using my homemade/canned pasta sauce on his bagel pizza's instead of that overprocessed stuff I used to get at WalMart). A simple blood test should tell us something, but it will be a few days just to get him in, IF we can get him in anytime soon, and it'll be HECK to get him pinned down for a blood draw (first one since he was say, 5 days old?!)
HELP! Justin truly doesn't understand some things, and while I do make allowances for some things, tantrums as violent and aggressive as this are NOT something I will accomodate, yk?
SUGGESTIONS would be most welcome! Esp if you also have a special needs child. (or not!)
Stacy, I know you're wayyyyy up on your current reading wrt your son'd issues, but have you seen "the Out of Sync Child Has Fun?" I'm in love with this book, and while the activities are a great part of our "snesory diet" I've also been finding that some are good to pull out of my sleeve in moments when I need coping strategies as well.
If nothing else, it might have some new material that will be interesting temporarily. . . which might just buy you some time to regroup, kwim?
Also, have you ever looked at Brain Gym? We just got that, and I'm hoping that by adding some of these excersizes throughout the day we'll be *starting* from a more grounded place. . .
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Jennifer
Mom to 3 daughters
9, 7, and 4
Hello
I have worked with autistic adults for the past seven years, and have experienced many of the same kinds of tantrums (or what we call "behaviors") that you are describing. And it is really hard when it isn't a light, tiny two-year tantruming!! I think it is for the same reasons though...two year olds tantrum because they do not have the words to express themselves, but they frequently stop as the acquire better use of the language. When kids (and adults) still cannot use words to express themselves, they continue to communicate through behaviors. We do a variety of things at my work, depending on the person we are serving.
Do you have a system (pictures, faces, ????) that you use to communicate with Justin? Or does he speak well enough to verbally communicate? I was thinking that maybe teaching him to use smiley faced/frowny faced cards/other feelings cards might be helpful??? Or giving him some other way to communicate with you when he gets really upset?? I am sure that you have already tried something like this, but if you keep trying, it might eventually work. Also, maybe you could do a picture schedule each evening, so that Justin knows what to expect. It could be on a board, or even something that he can carry with him and cross off as he does it.
The other thing that seems to be really effective is some sort of reward system. Is there anything he really loves that you could reward him with if he is able to get ready for bed without a tantrum several times in a week? Or a special place he likes to go? It seems like giving a tangible reward (like a sticker or a smiley face) each successful night is a HUGE positive reinforcer. And having a bigger goal to work towards can be very motivating!!
Good luck...I hope you get many more good ideas!
Christy
Location: land of frigid winters and sweltering summers
Posts: 4,556
It's been a couple years, but I used to work for a place specializing in working with children who are autistic. I was only a line therapist, which means I followed the programs that were layed out by the lead and senior therapist so I have no "formal" training, just about a year's experience.
I don't know your philosophy and I'm hesitant to say much as I don't want a box full of flaming pms, lol. I can tell you that we used extinction and extrinsic/intrinsic rewards. If you want more info from that vein of thought, I can tell you what they had us do... just email me jordan93@ticon.net
I really like the idea of the "picture chart." From my limited experience, structure is key.
However, you said that a lot of this was a sudden departure from normal behavior. You mentioned the tomato allergy... and I'd say that is a good way to go... there has been a lot of data on the links between food and autism. Is there anything else that has changed that might be bothering him?
Originally posted by woodfairie Do you have a system (pictures, faces, ????) that you use to communicate with Justin? Or does he speak well enough to verbally communicate? I was thinking that maybe teaching him to use smiley faced/frowny faced cards/other feelings cards might be helpful??? Or giving him some other way to communicate with you when he gets really upset??
The other thing that seems to be really effective is some sort of reward system. Is there anything he really loves that you could reward him with if he is able to get ready for bed without a tantrum several times in a week? Or a special place he likes to go? It seems like giving a tangible reward (like a sticker or a smiley face) each successful night is a HUGE positive reinforcer. And having a bigger goal to work towards can be very motivating!!
We do have social stories (aka stories using pictures of say, him going potty), but I'm working on taking pictures with my digicam of his activities during the day so I can make a book or board for him to use, as well as me. And making another social story about getting up and getting ready for school 4 AM's a week as well as getting ready for bed (bath, brushing teeth, pj's on, etc).
As far as rewards, they don't work very well for Justin. He either doesn't get it or isn't interested. Not sure if a chart or a *ladder* of levels or something would motivate him because of his lack of understanding on some things. Will revisit after getting his picture cards and social stories done.
Thanks!
Just curious if this behavior is a new behavior? Are his tantrums something that he didn't do before, that he is all of a sudden doing? Was there any trigger that you can think of? Maybe concerns of starting school, since he's been away all summer? Maybe a run in with someone or something that is bothering him?
my ds has Prader-Willi syndrome which is Autistic Spectrum. I have used a lot of the behavior tips from 'The Explosive Child'. I hate the title because it sounds so bad, but it's a good book. It looks at unflexible children, where the inflexibility is coming from and strategies to work with them. ONe of the main strategies is 'basketing' or basically choosing your battles. I cant' really do it justice in one post but it's worth a check out from the library. Helped me a lot in dealing with my son since we want to avoid all physical forms of punishment and any power struggles! Jenn
This isn't a new behavior. We're just not sure if it's a typical preschooler tantrum or an autistic one (which tend to be very violent and agressive....the 2nd one is what REALLY worries me!).
No trigger that we can pin down, mostly transitioning from one thing to another. When he's involved in an activity (say building with blocks), and I hold his potty picture card and say "Potty Time, Justin!" or "Time to go potty" or "Let's go potty!" he says NO, but HELLO! He just downed a whole 8-10 ounces of milk in the last 45 minutes, I KNOW he has to go potty, yk? SO I try to persuade him to come with me. If it's a no go, then sometime's I've let him just wet himself..he doesn't like to be wet, (and at other times it totally oblivious).....other times I take him by the hand, sometimes having to pick him up, and bring him to the potty and let him know it's time to go.
*sigh*
Got the rest of my picture cards ready (pec pictures...see post in Special needs kids forum for link)....as well as took some pics of stuff J does in our home. I need to make 2 social stories...one for getting up and getting ready to go to school, and the other a bedtime ritual story (potty, getting undressed, taking your bath and washing up, playing with his bath toys, time to clean up toys and put them away, let water out of tub, get out of tub and let mommy dry you off, brush teeth, wipe face. Finish drying off. Go into bedroom and put on jammie shirt, then undies and pants/shorts.....get into bed....mommy reads you some books, you go night night)....that sort of thing...only with pictures so he knows what's going to happen.
Thanks for the questions, mama!
Quote:
Originally posted by bananamama Just curious if this behavior is a new behavior? Are his tantrums something that he didn't do before, that he is all of a sudden doing? Was there any trigger that you can think of? Maybe concerns of starting school, since he's been away all summer? Maybe a run in with someone or something that is bothering him?
Originally posted by marchroses I have used a lot of the behavior tips from 'The Explosive Child'.
Thanks for the book suggestion! Will look for it at my library soon (when ds goes back to school, actually! LOL Can't go with him as he runs all over the place pulling books out of the shelves! ugh!)
his schedule posted or are you handing him cards when it's time for an activity? Often an external reminder can be helpful-a timer or an alarm. I agree he may be stressed about the transition of going to school. What will be most effective is collaborating with his teachers and being consistant with his structure and schedule- I am sure this isn't news to you . Transitions are so difficult-even to those who are "typically developing". BTW what sort of preschool program is he enrolled in (what system of structure do they use?)?
I have little experience with autistic children, but would it help to give him frequent warnings prior to transitions? Example: he's playing with his blocks and you know he needs to urinate soon. You could say to him, "Justin, in 5 minutes I am going to take you to the potty." You could even do 2 minute and 1 minute warnings after that so he knows it's coming. I'm not sure if you've tried this or not. I've been really consistent with it, and it works well for us for difficult transitions.
ITA with Tara/ We used to have major meltdowns whenever they had to stop something or leave somewhere fun (especially the park, lol). Having more frequent reminders of when we are leaving has helped a lot.
Quote:
Originally posted by tara I have little experience with autistic children, but would it help to give him frequent warnings prior to transitions? Example: he's playing with his blocks and you know he needs to urinate soon. You could say to him, "Justin, in 5 minutes I am going to take you to the potty." You could even do 2 minute and 1 minute warnings after that so he knows it's coming. I'm not sure if you've tried this or not. I've been really consistent with it, and it works well for us for difficult transitions.
Tara
Also, you mentioned that sometimes you let him have accidents and sometimes you take him to the bathroom. I think following through *every* time is really important. In the long run it usually helps a lot.
Good luck, I hope things improve soon.
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~*~Amber~*~
Mom to Chloe and Lily, and a BOY on the way in September!
No trigger that we can pin down, mostly transitioning from one thing to another. When he's involved in an activity (say building with blocks), and I hold his potty picture card and say "Potty Time, Justin!" or "Time to go potty" or "Let's go potty!" he says NO, but HELLO! He just downed a whole 8-10 ounces of milk in the last 45 minutes, I KNOW he has to go potty, yk? SO I try to persuade him to come with me. If it's a no go, then sometime's I've let him just wet himself..he doesn't like to be wet, (and at other times it totally oblivious).....other times I take him by the hand, sometimes having to pick him up, and bring him to the potty and let him know it's time to go.
I know this is only one example of what you're talking about, but I had a thought when I read this. My friend has a dd dxed with PDDNOS, but highly verbal. She was having a lot of accidents with potty training, so her mom would always tell her when it was time to go to the bathroom.. She would tantrum at that point too. The little girl would scream "don't you tell me what to do with my body", but then have the accident anyway and get even more upset. Explaining to her that going to the bathroom when mommy said would stop the accidents was even worse. They tried a lot of the traditional recommendations like rewards, but nothing worked.
Finally, after months of viewing it as a power struggle, My friend realized that her dd's sensory issues prevented her from feeling the sensation of having to go to the bathroom until she was actually going. But as she was getting older (I think this was at 4?) she was going through a "normal" process of moving towards independance, and recognized that she was the only one in the room being told to go to the bathroom. The family switched to an interaction where the adult would say "I feel like it's time to empty my bladder now. . . Can you feel your bladder? Lets go together and see if either of us has to empty now." It really didn't take that long for the little girl to internalize this process, and I think she also realized that adults have to stop what their doing and potty too, yk?
I agree sometimes it can be so hard to seperate out the different things that are going on when our kids are not neurologically typical. I remember my DH freaking out one day after the baby was born when my middle dd very calmly walked over to where she was sleeping and covered her completely with a blanket. DH was freaked b/c realized that she was doing that b/c she wanted the baby to dissappear. I had to laugh and say "honey, that's the most NT thing that child has done all day. She's having a normal reaction to a new sibling."
Maybe he's going through a period of growth, but it's being heavily complicated by his associated issues?
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