amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

Shalon · 07-24-2003, 05:02 PM

Oren has the worst attitude lately. Anyone have any advice on what to do. I will list a typical conversation with him
"Oren please pick up your shoes and put them in your room."

"No! I don't want to pick up my shoes!"

"Oren you need to pick up your shoes and put them in your room"

"No! I don't want to! I hate you! You aren't my Mommy anymore!"

"I would like you to pick up your shoes and put them away. Then you need to go and lay down since you are so grouchy."

"I not grouchy! I don't need a nap! Don't tell me what to do!"

This is where I usually lose it.

It doesn't even matter what we ask him to do. Nothing is working. I am so frustrated that I hate even being around him because I know no matter what I say we will get into this kind of arguement. I know that is horrible! He does it with his father too.
I just don't know what to do. I have tried time outs, taking toys away, talking to him. I really have no idea where to go from here.

Another thing is if he asks us for something and we say no then the conversation is pretty much the same but in reverse order. If that makes sense. We are the ones saying no and he is saying he needs to eat or he doesn't need to take a nap or whatever. Only he is screaming it in a really shrilly voice.

I just don't know what to do.

mzbees · 07-24-2003, 06:24 PM

((HUGS)) I know EXACTLY what you are going through.

I use these five steps (modified if need be).

1. State request
2. Restate request with reason
3. Offer help
4. Help
5. Bear Hug

I'll explain with a scenario:

Mom: Son, please pick up your shoes

Son continues playing

Mom: Son, your shoes need to be picked up so I can vacuum

Son continues playing

Mom: Do you need help picking up your shoes?

Son: NO!

Mom: I'm going to take your hand, and help you pick up the shoes.

Mom takes Son's hand, picks up the shoes and carries them to where the need to go.

*Now, if the Son is like my ds, he'll throw a holy heck fit. If that happens, we go onto step 5, the Bear Hug

It is not meant to be a wrestling move or a restraint, rather a comforting move. Does that make sense? However, if your child is like mine, they HATE being touched when they are upset. So, in that case, I'd offer an alternative that I know works. Or, I'd just remove ds and put him in a quiet area with a movie, books, puzzles, something.

Earlier today, ds had a fit. Ds is tired. He's been getting up at 6am, so by 3 pm, he's had it. BUT, he won't take a nap because he's 4.

So, when he threw his fit about the scissors not cutting the paper correctly, I gently took the scissors, put them up. Then I picked ds up and carried him to his room. Layed him on his bed. Mind you, he is screaming, crying, kicking, the whole nine yards. But, instead of reacting to his fit and giving him the energy and attention he is looking for, I turned on a movie and gently walked out. I made sure my body was calm and serene when dealing with ds.

Then I proceeded to the couch where I kicked it and punched a pillow.

I have a hard time too when it comes to fits. I keep it together until I am out of sight, then I have to release my pent up frustration. Does that make sense?