amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

maryalene · 07-22-2003, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by hannahsorchard

I hear all these syndromes and disorders and stuff and it just bothers me I think. I just notice that either a kid is normal according to some dr chart... or they have some sort of label. A kid can't just be "Malachi who is a late talker" , these days it would be "Malachi will some sort of disorder". I guess I just don't get it.

I just wanted to say that I completely agree with this. I really think there is a need in our society to label every child and find some reason why a child is not hitting certain milestones when he "should." Even though Donny has really benefited from his therapy, I hate having to explain the whole sensory thing to family and friends because I feel like it looks like I'm trying to make something up to justify why he acts the way he does.

pmjmomma · 07-22-2003, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by hannahsorchard

I hear all these syndromes and disorders and stuff and it just bothers me I think. I just notice that either a kid is normal according to some dr chart... or they have some sort of label. A kid can't just be "Malachi who is a late talker" , these days it would be "Malachi will some sort of disorder". I guess I just don't get it.

Yeah, I agree here too. I should back up and explain. When I think in terms of Sensory stuff, I really don't think in terms of a *disorder* but more like "this is what is overwhelming my child right now and here's how to help". I know, semantics, but it really helped for me to identify her triggers. . . We *cannot* leave the house without sunglasses on a bright day. This change alone has saved me many throw-down tantrums in the middle of parking lots. . . Without looking into SID, I never would have thought to boil things down to looking for "triggers". I was really searching for a dx last year b/c there were sooooo many things about Mackenzie. . . I was sure that I wasn't doing right by her, yk? But in the end, all we got were a list of developmental delays and a smile and "she sure does have her own way of doing things!" But *those* days, omg, we so have some of those days. . .

I had to laugh at your description of Malachi's diet. I complain about my picky eaters all the time (not in front of them). It drives me crazy, but yes, at 3 each of my older girls dropped about 2/3 of the foods out of their diets. I complain that I have to make chicken and brown rice and brocoli every night because that's all that they will eat. . . Then I remind myself that many, many kids won't touch anything that even remotely resembles a nutrient. I can continue to boil the chix and broc, yk? Sounds like his diet is healthy too. Maybe it's a natural age to narrow things down?

Hang in there, mama. I know it can be hard. I have to make sure to spend some time sitting with max each night when she's asleep. Helps me to remember that under it all she's just a tiny little girl searching for a way to make sense of the world. It just takes her a bit longer to find what she needs.

Momof6 · 07-22-2003, 10:51 PM

Crystal,

I suggest you get him tested and looked at through your early intervention extension office. Call your school district main number and ask for preschool early intervention.

Different parts of the country use different terms, but I think you would really benefit from what is called an "arena assessment". It may be called something else where you live.

That is my advice as a early child development/education specialist and special education teacher.

It does not hurt to do this and see what they have to say. You don't have to do anything or agree to anything.....but it will give you more information. As parents, we have a difficult time seeing the situation as a professional in early education would.

hugs,

Michelle

mamabear · 07-22-2003, 11:17 PM

Quote:

Lauren, I *knew* you would reply! lol They both still sound so much alike. There are differences, as in Malachi does have eye contact and lots of it. Malachi has gotten better with the repetative stuff, just likes to flap his hands still. BUT I have found out why he does that. He sees the shadow of it!!!! ROFL I was worrying about that... since that is his main quirk... but he really just seems to like the way it feels.... I remember doing that as a kid too... and then he likes to try to find the shadow of it on the floor or wall. He doesnt seem to do the lining up toys as much anymore though.
Yep! I have been doing the modeling of speech for a long time now. I do try to get him to tell me what he wants before I just hand it to him. But he will just not say it so I give in. Either that or he will be like "fine!" and walk away without getting what he wanted. lol Like today when he handed me the Kix box... I tried to get him to say it. But he just looked at me like "yes mom, they are Kix!" and he has said Kix before. So I know he knows how to say it and knows what it is. Just doesnt want to tell me. They just don't realize how much easier it would be on them if they just talked!!!!

I totally agree! LOL! Jacob is so exactly the same way, with something like the Kix box. He doesn't roll his eyes but he will give me a look like that...like I am such an idiot standing there saying "Kix, you want Kix? you want Kix?" I give in too, because otherwise he also will just walk away.

I also agree with you about the labeling. I really do. I just feel like, for me, I want to have an evaluation done, see what they say, get feedback. I'm not interested in the label per se. I want someone's professional opinion just so I can make sure I do the things (myself, or with therapies, or with diet/biological intervention) that will help him the most, yk? And after the CF...months of telling myself and having others tell me "he's just small"...I don't trust my intuition anymore. Plus...see you have a dh who talked late and is normal...I have a brother who also did the same...but another brother who has high-functioning autism. Our genes aren't exactly in our favor. And, we do have good insurance that will probably pay for some therapies (they are paying for speech right now).

Anyway...I am just so there with you! I can't wait for it all to just pop into place speechwise so I can feel relief, and so life can get a bit easier.

Thanks Mama · 07-22-2003, 11:42 PM

I worked for 5 years as a speech therapist before my ds was born. Speech therapy is free in the USA as long as a child qualifies. Early Intervention provides free speech therapy until age 3 or 5 depending on the state and the school district provides free speech therapy from age 3 or 5 and up. Call your local Early Intervention program or school district to find out the right person to call. I always recommend speech therapy as early as possible to help decrease the child's frustration and increase the child's success in communicating. The later a child starts speech therapy the longer they are usually needing help with speech. This isn't always the case, but it is most of the time.

A good language strategy that I always found helpful is to set up the environment so they child has to ask or gesture to get something (i.e. set favorite toy on a high shelf). Also playing dumb works really well (i.e. your son is pointing to the high shelf wanting the toy, look around pretending not to see what he is pointing at and when he does more than pointing like say a word or grunt depending on what level he is at - get the toy for him).

I used the Hanen language program with parents. I highly recommend it. You can check it out and look at their books at http://www.hanen.org Their strategies go well with attachment parenting.

vicky · 07-22-2003, 11:50 PM

Crystal,
I just wanted to tell you I understand how you are feeling and let me assure you it will get better! I've been where you are, my now 12yo ds was a very late talker, late to potty train, etc. But he would always do things that surprised me too! And when he finally did start talking it was complete sentences and big words that most young children don't use. It was like he was just taking things in and processing them in his mind and keeping what he knew to himself. Once, when he was about 7 he started talking about the building with the big garage doors where his dad worked on the Navy base when he was 2! There was no way he could have known what this building looked like other than from his own memory, it wasn't something we talked about and there were no pictures of it, he just remembered it. It blew me away, we left the base when he was 2 1/2! Someday, Malachi will probably say something like that and surprise you too!
When Mikel was small, he would do the lining up of toys and stuff, and he never played with toys as they were meant to be played with, and never stayed with one toy very long. He also would not watch tv, but he would let me read to him once he was about 4. I also could not go out with him and my dd who is 14 months younger, it was so overwhelming with the two of them. Mikel would always try to run off and I could not keep him with me. I tried one of the wrist harnesses and he figured out real quick how to get that off!LOL!
I have had some problems with the schools here, he had a young teacher that told me to put him on meds in 1st grade, but then his 2nd grade teacher who had been teaching for 30 years said he definitely did not have add. He was just a selective listener, and when he was doing things he was interested in he was fine, but if he was not interested he got bored so would do things he liked instead of what he was supposed to be doing. He has since even grown out of that. We homeschooled this year and I had no problems with him at all. He is really maturing now, and he has grown out of much of the things that bothered other people.
I don't know how to tell you to cope with it, when Mikel was little I just childproofed everything, locked all doors to other rooms where I did not want him to go and kept the living room our playroom with only things he was allowed to touch or play with and let him do his own thing. It does get better, and when Malachi gets older he will probably grow out of most of it, and I bet he is just a smart kid and one day he will surprise you!
Hugs,