Ds is 2 and a bit, and he is right on my last nerve this week! I feel awful but how do you gently discipline a kid who when you say no do not throw your noodles on the floor ( get the penny out of your mouth, get off the counter, don't throw blocks at your sister) , he looks right at you , smiles, and does it again and again?! I am frayed to the point of bottom swatting and I hate being this way but what the hell ?! It is like it went in one ear and out the other. I have tried reasoning with him, telling him why we don't do these things, I have tried the evil mommy glare, I have tried to get dh to discipline and he won't listen to dh either! I have tried time out, go to your room, distraction, here have a cookie and stop acting like a booger. I have thought that maybe he needs extra attention and so I have played and read more with him. But as soon as I stop to go pee, tend his sister or heaven forbid get up b/c my ass is broken from being on the floor, he has a cow! I am ready to leave him in front of Walmart! HELP ME!!!!! Is it his age? Too much sugar? ( the kid barely eats) Is it the heat? Has he been invaded by devils? Tell me someone else has btdt and it goes away.........
Anyhow, if you made it thru this rant and have any advice, I'll be ever so grateful. Kate
Redirection and a *break* from each other (you and ds) might help. Also, I strongly suggest posting this on the gentle discipline forum....you're more likely to get more suggestions/replies over there!
Gunnar went through an *independent* stage around 2, and is doing it again at nearly 5.
Time-outs seem to work the best around here, since he's an active little boy, and HATES to sit still for any length of time.
Hang in there Mama...this stage will pass before ya know it.
as I'm going through the same thing right now. Fussing at Hayden just makes him laugh. He's two, and gets into EVERYTHING. Chases his sisters. Pulls chairs from the kitchen table so he can get on the counter. I catch him in the bathroom sink if I don't lock the door. His favorite past time is grabbing a blunt object to chase his sisters with so he can hear them scream. LOL. My DH showed me a trick that works with him...he locks eyes with Hayden, firmly says "no", and won't break the eye contact until Hayden realizes he means business. Sometimes this works with me, sometimes he just laughs and laughs that its so hard not to laugh with him. In response to most things he does I'll just re-direct him, I only do time outs for when he's trying to hurt his sisters or fight the boy I baby-sit for toys, which is fairly often.
Anyhoo, not a whole lot of advice. I do the same thing as you, thinking its that he's just looking for more attention. Then when I have some one on one time with him, he doesn't want me to do anything else.... EVER! Oh, and then there's the fits he throws, or the practical physical fight to get him to let me rock him to sleep for nap time. Once he stops fighting me, he's out in half a minute!
Just wanted to let you know that I am SOOOOO there with you! I think its a combination of the fact that they are boys, which can be more rowdy to begin with, AND they're going through the independent 2 year old give em hell stage.
I agree with the re-direction - it often helps to say *positives* rather than *negatives*. For example, instead of saying "don't eat the penny", say something like "pennies belong in the piggy bank - let's find yours and put this into it" or "Pennies are for piggy banks, food is for eating - what's your favorite food?"
when he's climbing where you don't want him to, can you redirect him to a place where climbing is OK? Like on the sofa or on cushions taken from the sofa, or outdoors?
About the blocks, perhaps "blocks are for building - show me how high you can build a tower" and if that doesn't work "you need to stop yourself from using the blocks improperly - if you need help doing it, I will put them away for you" and then do it - the toys can take a time-out for a day or two.
HTH!
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Margaret
Blessed with four, one in heaven
"If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however, if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that" Goethe
I may sound quite calm in my response, but let me assure you that I can feel quite the opposite when dd does these things!
I absolutely think it's the age...it's exactly what children are supposed to do at this age (and I can often repeat to myself during challenging times "it's just a stage, it's just a stage." This is the age when children realize that they are separate beings and have some free will. So, in the midst of my frustration, I sometimes have to grin and celebrate the moment (when my dd looks me in the eye and spits on the floor, for example ).
Okay, I rarely feel like jumping for joy when she's being purposefully "naughty." I agree with Margaret about trying the positive responses...too many "do nots" or "NOs" just start to be ignored. I try very hard (some days this is difficult) to avoid "no" except for instances where she could get hurt or hurt someone else. I think at 2 they are also beginning to have enough comprehension to understand *somewhat* if you explain why not to do something. I used to tell dd that if she put a penny in her mouth, she could accidentally swallow it and then we'd have to go to the doctor. That sometimes worked, but I prefer the "pennies are to put into piggy banks, food is to put in our mouths" tactic Margaret mentioned.
I also believe strongly in picking your battles. In large part so that you won't be spending your day as a disciplinarian. I belong to a twin AP moms list in which many of the moms have older (2 or 3 year old) twins...and I just laugh at their stories. They basically make sure that one room is completely childproof...so that the children are allowed to climb on that furniture, etc. Since dd is in a climbing stage, I allow her to climb on one piece of our furniture, but not on others. (The difficulty can arise, though, that she then sometimes thinks it's okay to climb on other people's furniture *sigh*).
I'm not sure I've been very helpful, but I can commiserate with you on this!
I'd love to see this moved to the gentle guidance forum. I've mentioned before that even though I was gently parented, I find gentle guidance to be one of the most challenging aspects of parenting because it takes so much time or energy. I'd like to think it all pays off in the end, though.
And I completely agree that it often means the child requires more positive attention. If dd became naughty or whiney, she would often settle down if I spend 10 minutes or half an hour focusing just on her.
I know some days it's hard to give the children the attention they need (too busy doing other things)...but can you involve your ds in what you're doing? Get a stool so he can "help" you make dinner (might mean he just eats some of what you're making ). Or can you try to take "activity" breaks to run off some energy. A couple of extra 15 minute to half hours to run outside or go for a short walk, or even have a "run around the house" game for a short time.
<<<here have a cookie and stop acting like a booger>>>
LOL!!!!!!!
i've felt like leaving emme on the side of the road MANY MANY times. "hey sweetie, can you help me pick up the toys off the floor?" "no mama" "hey sweetie, you need to wear shoes into the store" "no mama. i want zero shoes. no way." "hey sweetie, please don't throw trash on the floor. can you put it in the trash can?" "weeellll.... no mama."
aarrgggg...
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- julia -
mama, protector, nurturer, teacher, and soulmate,
to my emme clare (8.2.99) and lucas finn (5.14.02)
But it also reminds me - when you want your child to do something (like the picking up) it's best not to use a question that can elicit a "no" answer - so instead of asking "will you help me pick up" state it more positively - "We're going to pick up now - do you want to pick up the legos first or the books?" So the choices aren't "yes" or "no", but "legos" or "books". With the shoes - "we need to wear shoes in a store - you can choose your sandals or your sneakers - what color socks do you want to wear with them - red or white?" "This belongs in the trash - how full will the trash can be when you put it in - half full or very full? Go put it in & tell me how full it is" The other choices help distract from the "no" answer. If you're not used to talking this way, it can be really hard at first, and it does take work 'cause you're having to think of the choices yourself. With practice, it does get easier. And I'm not saying I'm perfect at this, because I'm not! Of course, there are days when none of this will seem to work! But then, I have contrary days as well.
Are there any good books on this redirection and gentle parenting? I have not read much but am very interested. Thanks Mamas for teh ideas and support! iam going to try not to say no for teh rest of the day!
HTH! My favorites are "How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk" and "siblings without rivalry" by the same authors - lots of actual examples, cute cartoons. Really made a big impression on me, in my search for gentle discipline. I wasn't raised that way, and kind of envy those of you who were - you had great examples growing up, which you can work into your experience now!
thanks for reminding me of that margaret. i do forget to talk that way sometimes, though her response to "we're gonna clean up now. do you want to pick up x or y first" is more often than not... "nothing mama. you pick it up."
Kate
In response to most things he does I'll just re-direct him, I only do time outs for when he's trying to hurt his sisters or fight the boy I baby-sit for toys, which is fairly often.
life with a smarty pants.
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