amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

Mrsmissy · 07-28-2002, 11:23 PM

Maddie is hitting the Two's with much spirit and strife. She doesn't talk very well and is getting frustrated really easily. She's been crying a LOT lately!!!!!! LOTS and LOTS! I don't know what to do to help her.

If I leave a room, she screams and cries with big tears and runs after me. This is even if I just go to the bathroom or laundry room. I usually pick her up and say "I'm right here, sweetie" but most times, she clings to me as if I'm leaving forever. If I do say "No" to something or offer an alternative to something she wants, she will throw herself on the floor, crying. I use words first; usually saying "Wow, you sound frustrated" or "those screams sounds like you are hungry/thirsty/whatever." Nothing works. I try to pick her up and comfort her and she'll wriggle out of my arms and lay back down and scream.

Well, today I had enough. I let her lay there and scream and cry. She did it for about 1-2 minutes. When she started slowing down, I kneeled and tried to pick her up again and she came and was comforted. But, MAN! I felt horrible having her cry like that!

I don't know if 2.5 years old has a 'Phase' that goes along with it. She's got her teeth in. She's not sick. But this crying is driving me batty. At the grocery tonight, I had to leave her with Ken because the crying was getting so frustrating to ME!

MIL told me that Maddie was spoiled because I don't just say "Because I said so" and offer alternatives. But, now I'm wondering if I AM spoiling her..........

ARGH!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!

Empathic~Heart · 07-29-2002, 12:55 AM

LOL! She's also 2.5 and does these same things. I get to the end of my rope too sometimes, because no matter what I do - she cries or fits.

My theory on this, is that by allowing her freedom of expression (even if I have to take a break now and then) she's going to grow up with a healthy sense of what her emotions ARE and what they feel like and that they are OK to have! Hopefully, at some point, she will learn other ways of expressing herself that are more "socially acceptable".

There are times when I'll ask her to "show mama" (though she's quite verbal and expresses herself very well, sometimes if she's worked up I can't understand a thing) and that helps. I also use distraction a LOT! We sing and dance, which are her favorite things to do, and that usually shifts her mood.

The other thing I believe is that there are just times when she needs to have a physical release of energy! I know how I feel after having a good cry, stomping my feet, slamming a door etc.

This way she's being given the opportunity to express herself without punishment, in a supportive environment. As long as a child isn't being left unconsoled (like CIO techniques where they are shut away or left alone for long periods of time) I don't think that any damage is done.

I also try to remind myself of how I would feel if I were living in a country where I only had rudimentary skills with the language and daily tasks. kwim?

Hugs mama, this too shall pass.

ThirtySomething · 07-29-2002, 10:50 AM

Yep! I hear ya. I'm there too. My ds isn't even two yet though. Aaarrgg...

I finally reach the point where I tell him:

"I'm here for you. When you need me or a hug, come get it."

I say it with love, but I can only do so much kwim? I agree that our kids just need to release this emotion. I also try to remember that as a child, the only valid emotion in our family was happiness. That is not the way I want to raise my boys. I think we can all agree that we, as humans, feel a lot more than that.

We also use the "Show me." phrase a lot and it can help. We are currently in the phase where we have meltdowns when a container of yogurt is opened the wrong (?!?) way. That is the kind of stuff I'm up against right now.

waterlily · 07-30-2002, 02:11 PM

My mom explained it to me once as toddlers don't have the inhibitions on their emotional expression like we grown-ups do. So she cries or hollers, and she gets it out, and then it's over. I guess the worry I had was that she seemed sooo unhappy, was she an unhappy child? She's not actually, she just shows the full range of emotions all the time. She's intense. The best think I can tell ya is to be mindful of how you are handling it and give yourself some outs when it gets too much. (like going to the grocery store and letting dh have his turn). It sounds to me like you are being very respectful of her otherwise. :-)

sitamom · 07-31-2002, 06:03 AM

You know, my dd was the same way and I always just tried to put into words what she was feeling and would hug her. I mean, I know when I am upset even if it is silly, I still like a hug. She eventually learned to speak well enough for me to understand a little but we still have the ocassional misunderstanding and them brother jumps in and translates for me.